Thursday, October 5, 2006
Monday, October 2, 2006
Suddenly I See
Ok, been working on breaking the habit of being a love 'em and leave 'em guy. After getting some insights from a few folks, I'm starting to realize that that's what I've actually been doing. Me and my friend MJ talked about it more when we were having lunch at Panera Bread. We actually haven't seen each other in months which is partly my fault for not making it clear that I've changed my cellphone number and so she's been sending messages on my old phone, wondering why I wasn't responding. And here I was, thinking doesn't she wanna be friends with me anymore? That beach!! Everything's clear now and we pretty much spent the whole Sudnay together. Have lunch (after debating for an hour where to go), walk around and just talk about what's been going on in our lives.
I actually had the weekend off for a change, and I feel 'normal' again having a regular weekend off. I was gonna go out Friday evening, but ended up meeting this one guy I spoke with that afternoon. I really didn't think of it as a date, it's just hanging out in my book, but it lasted for hmm, a whole day and a half? The whole Friday night and all day Saturday. I went home Saturday evening and saw MJ Sunday. I told her about M-, the guy that I met and she was actually excited over it. She had to coax me to text him back after he sent me a message since I have a history of meeting a guy once, and leaving it at that. Pretty much cutting ties right after when I sense that they like me. It's not so nice thing to do, but trying to break out of it. It's insecurity issues, MJ said which is probably true. What it comes down to is that if somebody shows interest in me, I get away from them as far as they could. With the guys I've gone to dates with, I'm a bit freaked out when they like me already after going out once. All I can think of is if that's even possible? Of course it is. But I can't wrap my head around the notion that someone would fall for me after just having met me once. It's silly but I can't help it. MJ labeled me a heartbreaker which is something I try to avoid at all cost. I've had mine broken once and it was someone that I wasn't even in a relationship with. Yea, that really stung I got wasted over him since it hurt really bad when he didn't see me when he came back to Japan. Businessmen tsk tsk tsk
Just spoke to M- an hour ago. Ended up speaking to him for half an hour, he mentioned that he told his peeps at work about the guy that he just went out on a 25-hr date this past weekend lol. So hmm.. It's kinda odd how I let my cousin Nani, and my friend MJ speak to him on the phone at different times, and they actually like him. Just trying to keep this short since y'all know how I get carried away *wink Oh, M doesn't know I MIGHT be leaving come 7 weeks from now.
I actually had the weekend off for a change, and I feel 'normal' again having a regular weekend off. I was gonna go out Friday evening, but ended up meeting this one guy I spoke with that afternoon. I really didn't think of it as a date, it's just hanging out in my book, but it lasted for hmm, a whole day and a half? The whole Friday night and all day Saturday. I went home Saturday evening and saw MJ Sunday. I told her about M-, the guy that I met and she was actually excited over it. She had to coax me to text him back after he sent me a message since I have a history of meeting a guy once, and leaving it at that. Pretty much cutting ties right after when I sense that they like me. It's not so nice thing to do, but trying to break out of it. It's insecurity issues, MJ said which is probably true. What it comes down to is that if somebody shows interest in me, I get away from them as far as they could. With the guys I've gone to dates with, I'm a bit freaked out when they like me already after going out once. All I can think of is if that's even possible? Of course it is. But I can't wrap my head around the notion that someone would fall for me after just having met me once. It's silly but I can't help it. MJ labeled me a heartbreaker which is something I try to avoid at all cost. I've had mine broken once and it was someone that I wasn't even in a relationship with. Yea, that really stung I got wasted over him since it hurt really bad when he didn't see me when he came back to Japan. Businessmen tsk tsk tsk
Just spoke to M- an hour ago. Ended up speaking to him for half an hour, he mentioned that he told his peeps at work about the guy that he just went out on a 25-hr date this past weekend lol. So hmm.. It's kinda odd how I let my cousin Nani, and my friend MJ speak to him on the phone at different times, and they actually like him. Just trying to keep this short since y'all know how I get carried away *wink Oh, M doesn't know I MIGHT be leaving come 7 weeks from now.
Friday, September 29, 2006
Another day
Hmm, was off the past three days. Came in today, and just got informed I didn't have to work the weekend any longer but just show up Monday morning. It's my first weekend off in about five months nowand I've no clue what to do. Maybe I'll go out tonight, that is if I get this one girl to come out..Haven't seen her in ages, actually close to half a year. I'd leave her voicemail but she doesn't call back, yet leave comments on myspace. Gyaaaa, myspace is evil. But guess it's one of those necessary ones. Just about everyone I know uses it.
Anywho, here's a shot of the sky today. It might have been sunny throughout but it's just nice to look at again. Wish everyone a good weekend. And here's a view of what I pass by daily, on my way to and fro work.
Anywho, here's a shot of the sky today. It might have been sunny throughout but it's just nice to look at again. Wish everyone a good weekend. And here's a view of what I pass by daily, on my way to and fro work.
Thursday, September 28, 2006
Does anyone know?
I got an e-mail back from the manager I interviewed for about the Help Desk position last week. They've been a bit busy and haven't had a chance to speak with the actual organization I'm going to be working for. I feel good about this though at the same time, I'm second guessing myself as to whether this is something I'd want to do. Of course, with taking this position, I'm gonnabe relocating in the DC area and would have to remain in the east coast. At one point, I was really gung ho about this idea, since living in DC, I could just catch a train that'll take me to New York, a city that I've come to love.
This past week though, I've been catching up with some old friends and has kinda been reassessing as far as to where I would move. First was Ja- that I went to high school with when I was still in the Philippines. She's been living in Hawaii for a few years, and is happily married to a Navy guy. It was really nice to catch up with her again though it's only been months since I spoke to her. She's pregnant and will be giving birth to a baby girl in early 2007. We talked about different things, what's been going on in our lives, me with my pending separation from the mil. Somehow I ended up speaking with her husband since he had some computer problems he's trying to fix. We spoke for a little bit, and it came up that they're actually gonnabe relocating soon to San Diego, California. He's a bit worried, with the baby on the way, and the stress of moving, he's gonna have to head out to sea come January. I was quite shocked when he mentioned that we can all rent a house together and become housemates.
I'm quite flattered that he would offer something like that, considering we've never even met. It appears Ja- has told him about me through the years, and she even mentioned that he knows I'm a homo.... a homosapien that is. I got a bit nervous when she said this, but she said he really has no problem with it. I guess it's good that he would trust me completely to look after his family while he's away. That's one option I've kinda considered but hmm, would really have to give this some thought.
These past few weeks, I've also been talking to another friend C- about me moving to Washington. I knew him during my 3-year tour in Japan, though we became really, really good friends during my last year over there. I'll admit I kinda held back when I just started living there, since I tried not to get attached to people knowing that they're gonna have to leave sooner or later. He's a cool guy though. He actually took me out the first weekend I started work, and showed me around Tachikawa which is a city nearby Yokota AB. That was my first taste of gyudon (beef bowl) which I've come to love during my stay there.
C- just came back to after spending four years in Japan. We've joked about being roommates a few times, and I've been considering it more and more as I'm nearing my separation date. I got really close to even changing my pay statement and have it reflect WA as my home state. However, after reading up on the topic, it would not have done me any good yet since I would have to have been living there for a year before I can get considered for in-state tuition rates as far as going to school which he and I are planning to do. I also spoke just today with our other friend Jo- which just separated from the mil as well, and will be moving to Cali from Jersey where he was stationed this past 18 months. It was good speaking with him again, considering he doesn't like talking on the phone. I'm glad he picked up instead of letting it go to voicemail which he usually does. He's another one C- is considering rooming with though we'll have to see since he's gonna head out to Cali for a bit.
I was a bit surprised that I was pretty honest with him on the phone earlier. I told him how I missed the old crew, and how it's been a bit rough trying to make friends with our stateside assignments. Maybe I just haven't tried hard enough these past nine months I've been in Virginia, but I've barely made friends here. I've some people though it kinda fizzled after a little while. With one, the friendship appeared to have stopped right after we got to attend a PostSecret/Found event in Alexandria which was what brought us together in the first place. Guess that was the embodiment of when they say that people show up in your life for a reason, or when someone has served their purpose.
Getting back to Jo-, he said that he felt the same way as well. He's not definite yet as to whether he'll move up to Washington just yet, but he's considering it. It was actually his and C-'s idea about this whole living together things, and I just chuckle when they'd mention it to me and thinking Ha! Like I'd want to see you guys again after we get out of the military. Yet now, I definitely do and get excited over it. I mentioned to Jo- that I was actually just gonna go back to Florida and finish my school there. But he said no! Florida's too far. He said you'd have to be in the West Coast, or you can even move to Colorado. I said do i know anybody there? He said it doesn't matter, Colorado's close enough but not Florida. Heck, you could even move to Cali. He went on how I'd fit in no problem moving down to California since I dress well, and cares about how I look. He reiterated the fact that I'm into fashion, while he on the other hand, just puts on a t-shirt and pants and be all set.
Well, I was buying Men's Health and GQ magazine here and there when we were all in Yokota and somehow he got this thought that I'm sooo up to date with the latest fashion trends (really not true). I got embarrassed one time when he told some acquaintances that I'm all about fashion, and has all these magazines, and I pretty much smiled and told him to shut up. There's a reason to this though which I'll delve more into later on, but it was because of a guy that I fell for (dare I say one that broke my heart and didn't know it) But yea, I'm not really too concerned as far as looks go. I don't have a chiseled chest, a washboard abs even. It'll be nice for it to be flat, but it'll take a bit of work. That I have yet to figure out. I've been trying but it won't go away haha, guess I'll have to keep at it for a while before I see a change. I'm an instant gratification kinda person, and wants to see the effects immediately and not have to wait a few weeks for my abs to show, for instance.
As far as Florida goes, I'm still considering moving there. However, it wouldn't be to where my family lives. If I do move, it'll be in Orlando which is about six hours away at least Pensacola. There's really nothing for me in the area since I didn't have a life during the two years I stayed there. Well, I went to finish high school but that's about it. Really didn't make any friends since everybody's in their own little groups already. Oh and I was shy too. Orlando is another option of mine, though what will end up happening is that I'm gonna drive down there from here and more than likely, stay in a cheap ho... excuse me.. economical hotel while I try to find a place to live. I would e-mail some people before I arrived and would check them out one by one and go from there. I don't know anybody in the area, well except one guy (introduced to each other through a mutual net friend) I've been talking to since June after coming back from the Philippines. I've sometimes toyed about the idea of moving some place far away where nobody knew me, and just start over. No history for people to be judged, just that moment I plant roots in that city/town, and writing a new chapter in my life. I haven't had those feelings lately, but with that idea, it's mostly the family that would push me into it. They drive me nuts sometimes, as much as I love them. Though as we're nearing the completion of what I set out to do for them, I can finally take a seat back and start thinking more of me.
I'll be going to school full time if I do go back to Florida. As to what field, I do not know yet. Was considering just sticking with computers but it doesn't look like it's really what I'd want to get into too much. C- mentioned that he figured I'll get into the medical field, which I think I might have talked to him about. My mom told me how I used to go on and on about becoming a doctor when I was young since I felt bad for the kids that I saw at the hospital since some of the doctors tended to me first instead of the other kids. She said this was due to me speaking only English when I was a kid. I don't recall telling her that, but like she said, I don't remember a lot of things we talked about haha. Only way for me to find out though is by doing it so guess I'll see once I start taking some courses in the medical science. I'd probably minor in Psychology and major in I don't know yet. That's why I'm having second thoughts about just jumping into technical job after I get out. Going to school will be the time that I can figure out what I want, or get an idea of it at least since who really knows what they want?
When I think about it though, it mostly comes down to being able to do something good for others. I kinda get that right now with what I'm doing. It's mostly the reason why I've stuck with Helpdesk positions since it brings me that good feeling, being able to help out the customers any way I can. Of course, I get those days where I just wanna strangle the customer or just don't want to deal with another call. It's been good. I think I'd want to do something where I can deal with people on a more personal level. I don't get it too much with my present position, but has found a way to make it work. That's what happens sometimes though, we get put in circumstances where we have to make do with what we have. Just gotta find a way for that something to give you joy, no matter what it takes. I would say happiness but that's fleeting so joy it is, since one would want something that is long lasting.
It is difficult to be happy when everyone around you is sad. This is why we need joy. It can be quite challenging to remain happy when you face the unknown, unexpected, unplanned events of life. This is why we must develop a sense of inner joy. When the job disappears, the marriage goes sour, the children act up, the car breaks down, all in one day--a day when there is fifteen inches of snow on the ground, and your best friend is out of town--you will have to reach real far to find something to be happy about. If, on the other hand, all of this is going on and you have joy in your heart, you will remember the words of the spiritual, "It will be all over in the morning!" Even if the morning is days, weeks, months, or years in coming, joy can sustain you as long as it takes. When you get right down to it, happiness is a sense of feeling full in response to the circumstances and events of life. Joy is a state of being fulfilled simply because you are alive. - One day my soul just opened up, by Iyanla Vanzant
And so I wish you joy.
This past week though, I've been catching up with some old friends and has kinda been reassessing as far as to where I would move. First was Ja- that I went to high school with when I was still in the Philippines. She's been living in Hawaii for a few years, and is happily married to a Navy guy. It was really nice to catch up with her again though it's only been months since I spoke to her. She's pregnant and will be giving birth to a baby girl in early 2007. We talked about different things, what's been going on in our lives, me with my pending separation from the mil. Somehow I ended up speaking with her husband since he had some computer problems he's trying to fix. We spoke for a little bit, and it came up that they're actually gonnabe relocating soon to San Diego, California. He's a bit worried, with the baby on the way, and the stress of moving, he's gonna have to head out to sea come January. I was quite shocked when he mentioned that we can all rent a house together and become housemates.
I'm quite flattered that he would offer something like that, considering we've never even met. It appears Ja- has told him about me through the years, and she even mentioned that he knows I'm a homo.... a homosapien that is. I got a bit nervous when she said this, but she said he really has no problem with it. I guess it's good that he would trust me completely to look after his family while he's away. That's one option I've kinda considered but hmm, would really have to give this some thought.
These past few weeks, I've also been talking to another friend C- about me moving to Washington. I knew him during my 3-year tour in Japan, though we became really, really good friends during my last year over there. I'll admit I kinda held back when I just started living there, since I tried not to get attached to people knowing that they're gonna have to leave sooner or later. He's a cool guy though. He actually took me out the first weekend I started work, and showed me around Tachikawa which is a city nearby Yokota AB. That was my first taste of gyudon (beef bowl) which I've come to love during my stay there.
C- just came back to after spending four years in Japan. We've joked about being roommates a few times, and I've been considering it more and more as I'm nearing my separation date. I got really close to even changing my pay statement and have it reflect WA as my home state. However, after reading up on the topic, it would not have done me any good yet since I would have to have been living there for a year before I can get considered for in-state tuition rates as far as going to school which he and I are planning to do. I also spoke just today with our other friend Jo- which just separated from the mil as well, and will be moving to Cali from Jersey where he was stationed this past 18 months. It was good speaking with him again, considering he doesn't like talking on the phone. I'm glad he picked up instead of letting it go to voicemail which he usually does. He's another one C- is considering rooming with though we'll have to see since he's gonna head out to Cali for a bit.
I was a bit surprised that I was pretty honest with him on the phone earlier. I told him how I missed the old crew, and how it's been a bit rough trying to make friends with our stateside assignments. Maybe I just haven't tried hard enough these past nine months I've been in Virginia, but I've barely made friends here. I've some people though it kinda fizzled after a little while. With one, the friendship appeared to have stopped right after we got to attend a PostSecret/Found event in Alexandria which was what brought us together in the first place. Guess that was the embodiment of when they say that people show up in your life for a reason, or when someone has served their purpose.
Getting back to Jo-, he said that he felt the same way as well. He's not definite yet as to whether he'll move up to Washington just yet, but he's considering it. It was actually his and C-'s idea about this whole living together things, and I just chuckle when they'd mention it to me and thinking Ha! Like I'd want to see you guys again after we get out of the military. Yet now, I definitely do and get excited over it. I mentioned to Jo- that I was actually just gonna go back to Florida and finish my school there. But he said no! Florida's too far. He said you'd have to be in the West Coast, or you can even move to Colorado. I said do i know anybody there? He said it doesn't matter, Colorado's close enough but not Florida. Heck, you could even move to Cali. He went on how I'd fit in no problem moving down to California since I dress well, and cares about how I look. He reiterated the fact that I'm into fashion, while he on the other hand, just puts on a t-shirt and pants and be all set.
Well, I was buying Men's Health and GQ magazine here and there when we were all in Yokota and somehow he got this thought that I'm sooo up to date with the latest fashion trends (really not true). I got embarrassed one time when he told some acquaintances that I'm all about fashion, and has all these magazines, and I pretty much smiled and told him to shut up. There's a reason to this though which I'll delve more into later on, but it was because of a guy that I fell for (dare I say one that broke my heart and didn't know it) But yea, I'm not really too concerned as far as looks go. I don't have a chiseled chest, a washboard abs even. It'll be nice for it to be flat, but it'll take a bit of work. That I have yet to figure out. I've been trying but it won't go away haha, guess I'll have to keep at it for a while before I see a change. I'm an instant gratification kinda person, and wants to see the effects immediately and not have to wait a few weeks for my abs to show, for instance.
As far as Florida goes, I'm still considering moving there. However, it wouldn't be to where my family lives. If I do move, it'll be in Orlando which is about six hours away at least Pensacola. There's really nothing for me in the area since I didn't have a life during the two years I stayed there. Well, I went to finish high school but that's about it. Really didn't make any friends since everybody's in their own little groups already. Oh and I was shy too. Orlando is another option of mine, though what will end up happening is that I'm gonna drive down there from here and more than likely, stay in a cheap ho... excuse me.. economical hotel while I try to find a place to live. I would e-mail some people before I arrived and would check them out one by one and go from there. I don't know anybody in the area, well except one guy (introduced to each other through a mutual net friend) I've been talking to since June after coming back from the Philippines. I've sometimes toyed about the idea of moving some place far away where nobody knew me, and just start over. No history for people to be judged, just that moment I plant roots in that city/town, and writing a new chapter in my life. I haven't had those feelings lately, but with that idea, it's mostly the family that would push me into it. They drive me nuts sometimes, as much as I love them. Though as we're nearing the completion of what I set out to do for them, I can finally take a seat back and start thinking more of me.
I'll be going to school full time if I do go back to Florida. As to what field, I do not know yet. Was considering just sticking with computers but it doesn't look like it's really what I'd want to get into too much. C- mentioned that he figured I'll get into the medical field, which I think I might have talked to him about. My mom told me how I used to go on and on about becoming a doctor when I was young since I felt bad for the kids that I saw at the hospital since some of the doctors tended to me first instead of the other kids. She said this was due to me speaking only English when I was a kid. I don't recall telling her that, but like she said, I don't remember a lot of things we talked about haha. Only way for me to find out though is by doing it so guess I'll see once I start taking some courses in the medical science. I'd probably minor in Psychology and major in I don't know yet. That's why I'm having second thoughts about just jumping into technical job after I get out. Going to school will be the time that I can figure out what I want, or get an idea of it at least since who really knows what they want?
When I think about it though, it mostly comes down to being able to do something good for others. I kinda get that right now with what I'm doing. It's mostly the reason why I've stuck with Helpdesk positions since it brings me that good feeling, being able to help out the customers any way I can. Of course, I get those days where I just wanna strangle the customer or just don't want to deal with another call. It's been good. I think I'd want to do something where I can deal with people on a more personal level. I don't get it too much with my present position, but has found a way to make it work. That's what happens sometimes though, we get put in circumstances where we have to make do with what we have. Just gotta find a way for that something to give you joy, no matter what it takes. I would say happiness but that's fleeting so joy it is, since one would want something that is long lasting.
It is difficult to be happy when everyone around you is sad. This is why we need joy. It can be quite challenging to remain happy when you face the unknown, unexpected, unplanned events of life. This is why we must develop a sense of inner joy. When the job disappears, the marriage goes sour, the children act up, the car breaks down, all in one day--a day when there is fifteen inches of snow on the ground, and your best friend is out of town--you will have to reach real far to find something to be happy about. If, on the other hand, all of this is going on and you have joy in your heart, you will remember the words of the spiritual, "It will be all over in the morning!" Even if the morning is days, weeks, months, or years in coming, joy can sustain you as long as it takes. When you get right down to it, happiness is a sense of feeling full in response to the circumstances and events of life. Joy is a state of being fulfilled simply because you are alive. - One day my soul just opened up, by Iyanla Vanzant
And so I wish you joy.
In the morning....
I got an e-mail back from the manager I interviewed for about the Help Desk position last week. They've been a bit busy and haven't had a chance to speak with the actual organization I'm going to be working for. I feel good about this though at the same time, I'm second guessing myself as to whether this is something I'd want to do. Of course, with taking this position, I'm gonnabe relocating in the DC area and would have to remain in the east coast. At one point, I was really gung ho about this idea, since living in DC, I could just catch a train that'll take me to New York, a city that I've come to love.
This past week though, I've been catching up with some old friends and has kinda been reassessing as far as to where I would move. First was Ja- that I went to high school with when I was still in the Philippines. She's been living in Hawaii for a few years, and is happily married to a Navy guy. It was really nice to catch up with her again though it's only been months since I spoke to her. She's pregnant and will be giving birth to a baby girl in early 2007. We talked about different things, what's been going on in our lives, me with my pending separation from the mil. Somehow I ended up speaking with her husband since he had some computer problems he's trying to fix. We spoke for a little bit, and it came up that they're actually gonnabe relocating soon to San Diego, California. He's a bit worried, with the baby on the way, and the stress of moving, he's gonna have to head out to sea come January. I was quite shocked when he mentioned that we can all rent a house together and become housemates.
I'm quite flattered that he would offer something like that, considering we've never even met. It appears Ja- has told him about me through the years, and she even mentioned that he knows I'm a homo.... a homosapien that is. I got a bit nervous when she said this, but she said he really has no problem with it. I guess it's good that he would trust me completely to look after his family while he's away. That's one option I've kinda considered but hmm, would really have to give this some thought.
These past few weeks, I've also been talking to another friend C- about me moving to Washington. I knew him during my 3-year tour in Japan, though we became really, really good friends during my last year over there. I'll admit I kinda held back when I just started living there, since I tried not to get attached to people knowing that they're gonna have to leave sooner or later. He's a cool guy though. He actually took me out the first weekend I started work, and showed me around Tachikawa which is a city nearby Yokota AB. That was my first taste of gyudon (beef bowl) which I've come to love during my stay there.
C- just came back to after spending four years in Japan. We've joked about being roommates a few times, and I've been considering it more and more as I'm nearing my separation date. I got really close to even changing my pay statement and have it reflect WA as my home state. However, after reading up on the topic, it would not have done me any good yet since I would have to have been living there for a year before I can get considered for in-state tuition rates as far as going to school which he and I are planning to do. I also spoke just today with our other friend Jo- which just separated from the mil as well, and will be moving to Cali from Jersey where he was stationed this past 18 months. It was good speaking with him again, considering he doesn't like talking on the phone. I'm glad he picked up instead of letting it go to voicemail which he usually does. He's another one C- is considering rooming with though we'll have to see since he's gonna head out to Cali for a bit.
I was a bit surprised that I was pretty honest with him on the phone earlier. I told him how I missed the old crew, and how it's been a bit rough trying to make friends with our stateside assignments. Maybe I just haven't tried hard enough these past nine months I've been in Virginia, but I've barely made friends here. I've some people though it kinda fizzled after a little while. With one, the friendship appeared to have stopped right after we got to attend a PostSecret/Found event in Alexandria which was what brought us together in the first place. Guess that was the embodiment of when they say that people show up in your life for a reason, or when someone has served their purpose.
Getting back to Jo-, he said that he felt the same way as well. He's not definite yet as to whether he'll move up to Washington just yet, but he's considering it. It was actually his and C-'s idea about this whole living together things, and I just chuckle when they'd mention it to me and thinking Ha! Like I'd want to see you guys again after we get out of the military. Yet now, I definitely do and get excited over it. I mentioned to Jo- that I was actually just gonna go back to Florida and finish my school there. But he said no! Florida's too far. He said you'd have to be in the West Coast, or you can even move to Colorado. I said do i know anybody there? He said it doesn't matter, Colorado's close enough but not Florida. Heck, you could even move to Cali. He went on how I'd fit in no problem moving down to California since I dress well, and cares about how I look. He reiterated the fact that I'm into fashion, while he on the other hand, just puts on a t-shirt and pants and be all set.
Well, I was buying Men's Health and GQ magazine here and there when we were all in Yokota and somehow he got this thought that I'm sooo up to date with the latest fashion trends (really not true). I got embarrassed one time when he told some acquaintances that I'm all about fashion, and has all these magazines, and I pretty much smiled and told him to shut up. There's a reason to this though which I'll delve more into later on, but it was because of a guy that I fell for (dare I say one that broke my heart and didn't know it) But yea, I'm not really too concerned as far as looks go. I don't have a chiseled chest, a washboard abs even. It'll be nice for it to be flat, but it'll take a bit of work. That I have yet to figure out. I've been trying but it won't go away haha, guess I'll have to keep at it for a while before I see a change. I'm an instant gratification kinda person, and wants to see the effects immediately and not have to wait a few weeks for my abs to show, for instance.
As far as Florida goes, I'm still considering moving there. However, it wouldn't be to where my family lives. If I do move, it'll be in Orlando which is about six hours away at least Pensacola. There's really nothing for me in the area since I didn't have a life during the two years I stayed there. Well, I went to finish high school but that's about it. Really didn't make any friends since everybody's in their own little groups already. Oh and I was shy too. Orlando is another option of mine, though what will end up happening is that I'm gonna drive down there from here and more than likely, stay in a cheap ho... excuse me.. economical hotel while I try to find a place to live. I would e-mail some people before I arrived and would check them out one by one and go from there. I don't know anybody in the area, well except one guy (introduced to each other through a mutual net friend) I've been talking to since June after coming back from the Philippines. I've sometimes toyed about the idea of moving some place far away where nobody knew me, and just start over. No history for people to be judged, just that moment I plant roots in that city/town, and writing a new chapter in my life. I haven't had those feelings lately, but with that idea, it's mostly the family that would push me into it. They drive me nuts sometimes, as much as I love them. Though as we're nearing the completion of what I set out to do for them, I can finally take a seat back and start thinking more of me.
I'll be going to school full time if I do go back to Florida. As to what field, I do not know yet. Was considering just sticking with computers but it doesn't look like it's really what I'd want to get into too much. C- mentioned that he figured I'll get into the medical field, which I think I might have talked to him about. My mom told me how I used to go on and on about becoming a doctor when I was young since I felt bad for the kids that I saw at the hospital since some of the doctors tended to me first instead of the other kids. She said this was due to me speaking only English when I was a kid. I don't recall telling her that, but like she said, I don't remember a lot of things we talked about haha. Only way for me to find out though is by doing it so guess I'll see once I start taking some courses in the medical science. I'd probably minor in Psychology and major in I don't know yet. That's why I'm having second thoughts about just jumping into technical job after I get out. Going to school will be the time that I can figure out what I want, or get an idea of it at least since who really knows what they want?
When I think about it though, it mostly comes down to being able to do something good for others. I kinda get that right now with what I'm doing. It's mostly the reason why I've stuck with Helpdesk positions since it brings me that good feeling, being able to help out the customers any way I can. Of course, I get those days where I just wanna strangle the customer or just don't want to deal with another call. It's been good. I think I'd want to do something where I can deal with people on a more personal level. I don't get it too much with my present position, but has found a way to make it work. That's what happens sometimes though, we get put in circumstances where we have to make do with what we have. Just gotta find a way for that something to give you joy, no matter what it takes. I would say happiness but that's fleeting so joy it is, since one would want something that is long lasting.
It is difficult to be happy when everyone around you is sad. This is why we need joy. It can be quite challenging to remain happy when you face the unknown, unexpected, unplanned events of life. This is why we must develop a sense of inner joy. When the job disappears, the marriage goes sour, the children act up, the car breaks down, all in one day--a day when there is fifteen inches of snow on the ground, and your best friend is out of town--you will have to reach real far to find something to be happy about. If, on the other hand, all of this is going on and you have joy in your heart, you will remember the words of the spiritual, "It will be all over in the morning!" Even if the morning is days, weeks, months, or years in coming, joy can sustain you as long as it takes. When you get right down to it, happiness is a sense of feeling full in response to the circumstances and events of life. Joy is a state of being fulfilled simply because you are alive. - One day my soul just opened up, by Iyanla Vanzant
And so I wish you joy!
This past week though, I've been catching up with some old friends and has kinda been reassessing as far as to where I would move. First was Ja- that I went to high school with when I was still in the Philippines. She's been living in Hawaii for a few years, and is happily married to a Navy guy. It was really nice to catch up with her again though it's only been months since I spoke to her. She's pregnant and will be giving birth to a baby girl in early 2007. We talked about different things, what's been going on in our lives, me with my pending separation from the mil. Somehow I ended up speaking with her husband since he had some computer problems he's trying to fix. We spoke for a little bit, and it came up that they're actually gonnabe relocating soon to San Diego, California. He's a bit worried, with the baby on the way, and the stress of moving, he's gonna have to head out to sea come January. I was quite shocked when he mentioned that we can all rent a house together and become housemates.
I'm quite flattered that he would offer something like that, considering we've never even met. It appears Ja- has told him about me through the years, and she even mentioned that he knows I'm a homo.... a homosapien that is. I got a bit nervous when she said this, but she said he really has no problem with it. I guess it's good that he would trust me completely to look after his family while he's away. That's one option I've kinda considered but hmm, would really have to give this some thought.
These past few weeks, I've also been talking to another friend C- about me moving to Washington. I knew him during my 3-year tour in Japan, though we became really, really good friends during my last year over there. I'll admit I kinda held back when I just started living there, since I tried not to get attached to people knowing that they're gonna have to leave sooner or later. He's a cool guy though. He actually took me out the first weekend I started work, and showed me around Tachikawa which is a city nearby Yokota AB. That was my first taste of gyudon (beef bowl) which I've come to love during my stay there.
C- just came back to after spending four years in Japan. We've joked about being roommates a few times, and I've been considering it more and more as I'm nearing my separation date. I got really close to even changing my pay statement and have it reflect WA as my home state. However, after reading up on the topic, it would not have done me any good yet since I would have to have been living there for a year before I can get considered for in-state tuition rates as far as going to school which he and I are planning to do. I also spoke just today with our other friend Jo- which just separated from the mil as well, and will be moving to Cali from Jersey where he was stationed this past 18 months. It was good speaking with him again, considering he doesn't like talking on the phone. I'm glad he picked up instead of letting it go to voicemail which he usually does. He's another one C- is considering rooming with though we'll have to see since he's gonna head out to Cali for a bit.
I was a bit surprised that I was pretty honest with him on the phone earlier. I told him how I missed the old crew, and how it's been a bit rough trying to make friends with our stateside assignments. Maybe I just haven't tried hard enough these past nine months I've been in Virginia, but I've barely made friends here. I've some people though it kinda fizzled after a little while. With one, the friendship appeared to have stopped right after we got to attend a PostSecret/Found event in Alexandria which was what brought us together in the first place. Guess that was the embodiment of when they say that people show up in your life for a reason, or when someone has served their purpose.
Getting back to Jo-, he said that he felt the same way as well. He's not definite yet as to whether he'll move up to Washington just yet, but he's considering it. It was actually his and C-'s idea about this whole living together things, and I just chuckle when they'd mention it to me and thinking Ha! Like I'd want to see you guys again after we get out of the military. Yet now, I definitely do and get excited over it. I mentioned to Jo- that I was actually just gonna go back to Florida and finish my school there. But he said no! Florida's too far. He said you'd have to be in the West Coast, or you can even move to Colorado. I said do i know anybody there? He said it doesn't matter, Colorado's close enough but not Florida. Heck, you could even move to Cali. He went on how I'd fit in no problem moving down to California since I dress well, and cares about how I look. He reiterated the fact that I'm into fashion, while he on the other hand, just puts on a t-shirt and pants and be all set.
Well, I was buying Men's Health and GQ magazine here and there when we were all in Yokota and somehow he got this thought that I'm sooo up to date with the latest fashion trends (really not true). I got embarrassed one time when he told some acquaintances that I'm all about fashion, and has all these magazines, and I pretty much smiled and told him to shut up. There's a reason to this though which I'll delve more into later on, but it was because of a guy that I fell for (dare I say one that broke my heart and didn't know it) But yea, I'm not really too concerned as far as looks go. I don't have a chiseled chest, a washboard abs even. It'll be nice for it to be flat, but it'll take a bit of work. That I have yet to figure out. I've been trying but it won't go away haha, guess I'll have to keep at it for a while before I see a change. I'm an instant gratification kinda person, and wants to see the effects immediately and not have to wait a few weeks for my abs to show, for instance.
As far as Florida goes, I'm still considering moving there. However, it wouldn't be to where my family lives. If I do move, it'll be in Orlando which is about six hours away at least Pensacola. There's really nothing for me in the area since I didn't have a life during the two years I stayed there. Well, I went to finish high school but that's about it. Really didn't make any friends since everybody's in their own little groups already. Oh and I was shy too. Orlando is another option of mine, though what will end up happening is that I'm gonna drive down there from here and more than likely, stay in a cheap ho... excuse me.. economical hotel while I try to find a place to live. I would e-mail some people before I arrived and would check them out one by one and go from there. I don't know anybody in the area, well except one guy (introduced to each other through a mutual net friend) I've been talking to since June after coming back from the Philippines. I've sometimes toyed about the idea of moving some place far away where nobody knew me, and just start over. No history for people to be judged, just that moment I plant roots in that city/town, and writing a new chapter in my life. I haven't had those feelings lately, but with that idea, it's mostly the family that would push me into it. They drive me nuts sometimes, as much as I love them. Though as we're nearing the completion of what I set out to do for them, I can finally take a seat back and start thinking more of me.
I'll be going to school full time if I do go back to Florida. As to what field, I do not know yet. Was considering just sticking with computers but it doesn't look like it's really what I'd want to get into too much. C- mentioned that he figured I'll get into the medical field, which I think I might have talked to him about. My mom told me how I used to go on and on about becoming a doctor when I was young since I felt bad for the kids that I saw at the hospital since some of the doctors tended to me first instead of the other kids. She said this was due to me speaking only English when I was a kid. I don't recall telling her that, but like she said, I don't remember a lot of things we talked about haha. Only way for me to find out though is by doing it so guess I'll see once I start taking some courses in the medical science. I'd probably minor in Psychology and major in I don't know yet. That's why I'm having second thoughts about just jumping into technical job after I get out. Going to school will be the time that I can figure out what I want, or get an idea of it at least since who really knows what they want?
When I think about it though, it mostly comes down to being able to do something good for others. I kinda get that right now with what I'm doing. It's mostly the reason why I've stuck with Helpdesk positions since it brings me that good feeling, being able to help out the customers any way I can. Of course, I get those days where I just wanna strangle the customer or just don't want to deal with another call. It's been good. I think I'd want to do something where I can deal with people on a more personal level. I don't get it too much with my present position, but has found a way to make it work. That's what happens sometimes though, we get put in circumstances where we have to make do with what we have. Just gotta find a way for that something to give you joy, no matter what it takes. I would say happiness but that's fleeting so joy it is, since one would want something that is long lasting.
It is difficult to be happy when everyone around you is sad. This is why we need joy. It can be quite challenging to remain happy when you face the unknown, unexpected, unplanned events of life. This is why we must develop a sense of inner joy. When the job disappears, the marriage goes sour, the children act up, the car breaks down, all in one day--a day when there is fifteen inches of snow on the ground, and your best friend is out of town--you will have to reach real far to find something to be happy about. If, on the other hand, all of this is going on and you have joy in your heart, you will remember the words of the spiritual, "It will be all over in the morning!" Even if the morning is days, weeks, months, or years in coming, joy can sustain you as long as it takes. When you get right down to it, happiness is a sense of feeling full in response to the circumstances and events of life. Joy is a state of being fulfilled simply because you are alive. - One day my soul just opened up, by Iyanla Vanzant
And so I wish you joy!
Sunday, September 24, 2006
Trying to make a move just to stay in the game
An hour and a half out before I go home, and good thing I've finally calmed down since earlier. I got a little upset since I saw on the schedule that they have me working on Tuesday which is my usual day off. I took Friday off (used my 'free' day I earned on my birthday) since I had to go to the DC area to do a face to face interview with this one company. Well, somehow they felt the need to have me working an extra day to make it up so don't even see the point of using my comp day. Oh well, I really didn't even need Friday off but it was still nice to not do anything.
The past few weeks have been relatively quiet. At the beginning of the month, I was pretty much cooped in and just watched Seinfeld most of the time. Not that there's anything wrong with that!! However, during that time, I barely made any contacts to the outside world which worried my family a little bit. My cousin kept sending me text messages saying hi stranger, love you cousin and I don't remember responding back to any of them. It just seemed silly hearing those from her since I'm usually the one who gets sentimental, randomly calling people up and letting them know I think about them, etc etc. I just didn't have the energy. It's not that I was depressed or anything, but I just needed the time to unplug from everything I suppose. I can't be depressed and laughing to hysterics watching the Seinfeld episodes. I knocked out six seasons in a month, not bad not bad. I have so much catching up to do, well considering the series is over already, I would say I am pretty late. But I just find it really funny that it was enough to make me happy.
I pretty much was corresponding with a few people about job opportunities that they might have for me. After attending the Transition Assistance Program (TAP) seminar last month, I kinda kicked it a gear as far as job hunting go. It was actually a week long seminar that people who are separating or retiring are adviced to take. It teaches us different things: how to write resumes, job search resources, dressing up for an interview and preparing for it, negotiating and other things. We got to wear casual business attire for a whole week which kinda got me excited about being a civilian. Though I know it'll be a bitch just picking out what to wear, it was nice to dress up. And I'd have to say, as vain as this might sound, I liked what I see when I looked in the mirror. I was in this seminar the week prior to the family reunion, and was actually supposed to be off since my dad and my (step) mom came by. I don't think I wrote about their visit though it was just for a day. It was nice having them that I ended up staying up 'til about 3 am just talking to them, eventhogh I had to get up at 0600 the next day. I do love them, in spite of the things that went on. I tried to be apathetic about family but I suck at it.
So that's that, as far as the beginning of the month. Oh yea, the first two weeks also, I had two four days off because of labor day. So I worked 4 days, off for 3, work 2 days (12-hrs), then was off for 4 days. It was nice. Did I go anywhere? Most definitely not. I considered but decided against it. I really didn't feel like driving to go on a little road trip. Wasn't even sure where to go or what places to see so I stayed home mostly. I even posted on craigslist to try and meet up with some folks down at this city which is an hour away from where I lived. Some things came up that I needed to take care of so ended up not going. As to what they were, I can't remember now that I think about it. Just got lazy more than likely.
Though around the 10th, I got on g.com and talked to a few guys. I agreed to meet with one of them, K- the next day, without even seeing his picture. Though after I saw it on yahoo, I had second thoughts about catching a movie but that would have been mean. We got along fine on the phone and thought I really shouldn't let appearances get in the way of making new acquaintances. So off I went to meet him the next day. We met up around 4, and ended up just hanging out at his place. K- is an alright guy and he was funny. We mostly hang around the house and had dinner while watching the movie, The Door in the Floor. He made chicken parmesan since I really didn't know where to go for dinner, so told him I'll eat whatever. I thought the movie was good though I'm gonna have to watch it some other time and give it my full attention. K- kept playing footsie and I had to keep adjusting my legs to block him. I might have even told him 'Quit, I'm still watching the movie' He said some things throughout the time that I do not know whether to take as naivety or what. He was asking some really silly questions, that he should probably know considering he has Filipino friends like he mentioned. He was asking whether they had jeans in the Philippines, or fastfoods, or even a mall. I just smiled and answered his questions though it felt like he was overdoing it as far as being 'curious' about things. He even told me about this one observation how the back of my head is flat, just like every Filipino he knows. He asked if I've noticed it before and I told him that No, I've never made it a point of staring at the back of people's heads. Wow, I don't know how to take it now that I think about it. The whole time we were hanging out, he complimented me over and over. I guess that was nice, but I get irritated after a while and try to make him stop. He said Oh my god, you're just like my Filipino friend. He does that too!! He even runs and hides when I compliment him. So finished watching a movie, and not 20 mins later I told him that I'm gonna have to get going. During the time I was there, he tried to kiss me a few times but I kept it ducking. He asked don't I kiss and I told him that I don't which really wasn't true. He went on So you're one of the guys who waits a few dates to even kiss? Yep, I'm one of those. That was a bold faced lie since I LOVE kissing. I just didn't wanna kiss him period. He also asked me what I thought about how he looked. Of course, I didn't answer that either. It's not that he was ugly, but still. Heck, I would never ask somebody that in my lifetime. Hey ya think I'm good looking?? Yeah rrrright..
[Maybe it's insecurity on my end, but it feels a bit awkward hearing compliments over and over when I'm with someone in person. A guy I previously met did the same, and I got worried at one point since I misheard him call me abnormal, but actually said adorable. Oh, I oughta to write about this separately. I've met up with a bunch of guys but yet, only once did I see one of them on a separate occassion and that was just to retrieve my skull cap and gloves 15 months later. Will explain more later.]
Just went back home and forgot to turn my ringer on so missed it when my dad called. Was wondering what he was calling for, but then saw that he left a voicemail. It was the Monday football play offs.
Hey just thought about you man, decided to call you see what's going on. Nothing major, just calling to holla at you. You've been on my mind for the last two hours.... Okay man, talk to you later. Bye.
And that was it. Know what I did? I sat down and cried, replaying the message again and again. That was the first time he left that kind of message and I was glad I missed that call. It was a big deal to actually hear him say outloud that he thinks of me. Usually, we 'assume' that our loved ones know that we love them and think about them? Sometimes though, it makes a huge difference actually hearing those words. As some of you know, I grew up with him not being around, and always questioned his love for me. He was never there to back that claim up, but it still felt good listening hearing him say it. Oh dear, I'm trying to keep this upbeat but I'm getting teary just thinking about it.
Anyways, I called him back eventually, well two days later and nonchalantly said that I'm sorry (but I'm not) that I missed his call. Then he said how it was nothing, he mentioned how he often thinks about me but never follows through as to even make a phone call, but that evening he just felt the need to call. We spoke for a little bit, him joking that he was wondering how his baby was. I was grinning ear to ear during the conversation. He actually has a back injury and it's been a while since he felt well enough to do the things that he used to do. Exercising, lifting weights, doing things around the house. He mentioned this and it saddened me a little, seeing that he's become a bit vulnerable because of it. I told him that he'll be okay, and will get better eventually.
The 13th ended up spending the night at somebody's house. Had to get back to the house since I had a phone interview at noon.
Come 12 pm, I did a phone interview with a company for this Desktop Support Engineer in the DC area. A recruiter contacted me late August and it took me a week to respond back, the 5th of Sept. We spoke on the phone later on that week, and the company he submitted my information contacted me that Friday. I missed the call and listened to their voicemail telling me to call them back to set up a phone interview. I got too excited and instead of pressing 9 to save it, pressed 7 instead which deleted it, and that was with me not even having written the number down. I just contacted the recruiter that Monday and told him what happened. He was really nice about it though that really didn't help with me feeling like an idiot over what happened. I did alright on the phone interview, I stumbled with some of the questions but I did okay for a first timer, I think. Though midway through, I lost signal and the interview got cut off. That's not good. They had to call me back to continue. The interview lasted about 25 mins and they told me they'll give me a call back after they've made a decision for another phone interview, this time with the IT director. It's been close to two weeks and I haven't heard back but it's alright. I didn't get to send a thank you note either since I didn't catch the names of the three people that interviewed me.
18th - I got into a conversation with a fellow blogger who enlightened me on some things. So trying to make amends, I texted one of the guys I met and asked him if he'd want to hang out. I met him back in August a few days before the mom incident which kinda caused me to pull away from the world. I told him that I would call that Friday but after that e-mail from my mom, I didn't even have the energy to stay jovial in a conversation. I know I told him that I would call, and I really considered it since I said that I'd call, but doing that, I would not have honored what I was feeling so I put me first. And anyways, he could have just called if he wanted to. He texted the next saturday how i neva called. We texted a few more times but he said this one thing and I stopped responding. Few days later, he texted Haven't heard from you in a while, guess you didn't like me. I get irritated when guys get insecure like that (this coming from an insecure king), so just deleted his message, and never contacted again until tonight, thanks to Kai.
The past few weeks have been relatively quiet. At the beginning of the month, I was pretty much cooped in and just watched Seinfeld most of the time. Not that there's anything wrong with that!! However, during that time, I barely made any contacts to the outside world which worried my family a little bit. My cousin kept sending me text messages saying hi stranger, love you cousin and I don't remember responding back to any of them. It just seemed silly hearing those from her since I'm usually the one who gets sentimental, randomly calling people up and letting them know I think about them, etc etc. I just didn't have the energy. It's not that I was depressed or anything, but I just needed the time to unplug from everything I suppose. I can't be depressed and laughing to hysterics watching the Seinfeld episodes. I knocked out six seasons in a month, not bad not bad. I have so much catching up to do, well considering the series is over already, I would say I am pretty late. But I just find it really funny that it was enough to make me happy.
I pretty much was corresponding with a few people about job opportunities that they might have for me. After attending the Transition Assistance Program (TAP) seminar last month, I kinda kicked it a gear as far as job hunting go. It was actually a week long seminar that people who are separating or retiring are adviced to take. It teaches us different things: how to write resumes, job search resources, dressing up for an interview and preparing for it, negotiating and other things. We got to wear casual business attire for a whole week which kinda got me excited about being a civilian. Though I know it'll be a bitch just picking out what to wear, it was nice to dress up. And I'd have to say, as vain as this might sound, I liked what I see when I looked in the mirror. I was in this seminar the week prior to the family reunion, and was actually supposed to be off since my dad and my (step) mom came by. I don't think I wrote about their visit though it was just for a day. It was nice having them that I ended up staying up 'til about 3 am just talking to them, eventhogh I had to get up at 0600 the next day. I do love them, in spite of the things that went on. I tried to be apathetic about family but I suck at it.
So that's that, as far as the beginning of the month. Oh yea, the first two weeks also, I had two four days off because of labor day. So I worked 4 days, off for 3, work 2 days (12-hrs), then was off for 4 days. It was nice. Did I go anywhere? Most definitely not. I considered but decided against it. I really didn't feel like driving to go on a little road trip. Wasn't even sure where to go or what places to see so I stayed home mostly. I even posted on craigslist to try and meet up with some folks down at this city which is an hour away from where I lived. Some things came up that I needed to take care of so ended up not going. As to what they were, I can't remember now that I think about it. Just got lazy more than likely.
Though around the 10th, I got on g.com and talked to a few guys. I agreed to meet with one of them, K- the next day, without even seeing his picture. Though after I saw it on yahoo, I had second thoughts about catching a movie but that would have been mean. We got along fine on the phone and thought I really shouldn't let appearances get in the way of making new acquaintances. So off I went to meet him the next day. We met up around 4, and ended up just hanging out at his place. K- is an alright guy and he was funny. We mostly hang around the house and had dinner while watching the movie, The Door in the Floor. He made chicken parmesan since I really didn't know where to go for dinner, so told him I'll eat whatever. I thought the movie was good though I'm gonna have to watch it some other time and give it my full attention. K- kept playing footsie and I had to keep adjusting my legs to block him. I might have even told him 'Quit, I'm still watching the movie' He said some things throughout the time that I do not know whether to take as naivety or what. He was asking some really silly questions, that he should probably know considering he has Filipino friends like he mentioned. He was asking whether they had jeans in the Philippines, or fastfoods, or even a mall. I just smiled and answered his questions though it felt like he was overdoing it as far as being 'curious' about things. He even told me about this one observation how the back of my head is flat, just like every Filipino he knows. He asked if I've noticed it before and I told him that No, I've never made it a point of staring at the back of people's heads. Wow, I don't know how to take it now that I think about it. The whole time we were hanging out, he complimented me over and over. I guess that was nice, but I get irritated after a while and try to make him stop. He said Oh my god, you're just like my Filipino friend. He does that too!! He even runs and hides when I compliment him. So finished watching a movie, and not 20 mins later I told him that I'm gonna have to get going. During the time I was there, he tried to kiss me a few times but I kept it ducking. He asked don't I kiss and I told him that I don't which really wasn't true. He went on So you're one of the guys who waits a few dates to even kiss? Yep, I'm one of those. That was a bold faced lie since I LOVE kissing. I just didn't wanna kiss him period. He also asked me what I thought about how he looked. Of course, I didn't answer that either. It's not that he was ugly, but still. Heck, I would never ask somebody that in my lifetime. Hey ya think I'm good looking?? Yeah rrrright..
[Maybe it's insecurity on my end, but it feels a bit awkward hearing compliments over and over when I'm with someone in person. A guy I previously met did the same, and I got worried at one point since I misheard him call me abnormal, but actually said adorable. Oh, I oughta to write about this separately. I've met up with a bunch of guys but yet, only once did I see one of them on a separate occassion and that was just to retrieve my skull cap and gloves 15 months later. Will explain more later.]
Just went back home and forgot to turn my ringer on so missed it when my dad called. Was wondering what he was calling for, but then saw that he left a voicemail. It was the Monday football play offs.
Hey just thought about you man, decided to call you see what's going on. Nothing major, just calling to holla at you. You've been on my mind for the last two hours.... Okay man, talk to you later. Bye.
And that was it. Know what I did? I sat down and cried, replaying the message again and again. That was the first time he left that kind of message and I was glad I missed that call. It was a big deal to actually hear him say outloud that he thinks of me. Usually, we 'assume' that our loved ones know that we love them and think about them? Sometimes though, it makes a huge difference actually hearing those words. As some of you know, I grew up with him not being around, and always questioned his love for me. He was never there to back that claim up, but it still felt good listening hearing him say it. Oh dear, I'm trying to keep this upbeat but I'm getting teary just thinking about it.
Anyways, I called him back eventually, well two days later and nonchalantly said that I'm sorry (but I'm not) that I missed his call. Then he said how it was nothing, he mentioned how he often thinks about me but never follows through as to even make a phone call, but that evening he just felt the need to call. We spoke for a little bit, him joking that he was wondering how his baby was. I was grinning ear to ear during the conversation. He actually has a back injury and it's been a while since he felt well enough to do the things that he used to do. Exercising, lifting weights, doing things around the house. He mentioned this and it saddened me a little, seeing that he's become a bit vulnerable because of it. I told him that he'll be okay, and will get better eventually.
The 13th ended up spending the night at somebody's house. Had to get back to the house since I had a phone interview at noon.
Come 12 pm, I did a phone interview with a company for this Desktop Support Engineer in the DC area. A recruiter contacted me late August and it took me a week to respond back, the 5th of Sept. We spoke on the phone later on that week, and the company he submitted my information contacted me that Friday. I missed the call and listened to their voicemail telling me to call them back to set up a phone interview. I got too excited and instead of pressing 9 to save it, pressed 7 instead which deleted it, and that was with me not even having written the number down. I just contacted the recruiter that Monday and told him what happened. He was really nice about it though that really didn't help with me feeling like an idiot over what happened. I did alright on the phone interview, I stumbled with some of the questions but I did okay for a first timer, I think. Though midway through, I lost signal and the interview got cut off. That's not good. They had to call me back to continue. The interview lasted about 25 mins and they told me they'll give me a call back after they've made a decision for another phone interview, this time with the IT director. It's been close to two weeks and I haven't heard back but it's alright. I didn't get to send a thank you note either since I didn't catch the names of the three people that interviewed me.
18th - I got into a conversation with a fellow blogger who enlightened me on some things. So trying to make amends, I texted one of the guys I met and asked him if he'd want to hang out. I met him back in August a few days before the mom incident which kinda caused me to pull away from the world. I told him that I would call that Friday but after that e-mail from my mom, I didn't even have the energy to stay jovial in a conversation. I know I told him that I would call, and I really considered it since I said that I'd call, but doing that, I would not have honored what I was feeling so I put me first. And anyways, he could have just called if he wanted to. He texted the next saturday how i neva called. We texted a few more times but he said this one thing and I stopped responding. Few days later, he texted Haven't heard from you in a while, guess you didn't like me. I get irritated when guys get insecure like that (this coming from an insecure king), so just deleted his message, and never contacted again until tonight, thanks to Kai.
Thursday, September 21, 2006
He got it from his mama... mama's side of the family
I felt like a grown man walking around in a suit. I went for a job interview after a 3-hr drive to the DC area and managing not to get lost. Yay me. I brought a change of clothes and got suited up about an hour before the interview. It turned out pretty well, though I slipped a little come salary requirement time. I told him a figure instead of saying I'm open for negotiations. Yeouch.. I'm now glad I went since I sure as heck wasn't on my the drive up. It was a good experience and to get a better feel of what to expect since it was the first interview I've ever gone to. Thanks to my friend for believing, know that your message was a boost in my confidence. At least, I didn't go in and took my top off if I would have gone in with a low self-esteem (Arrested Development ref)
As far as hairlines go, guys are supposed to get theirs from the mother's side of the family from what I've read. Mine sure has receeded, looking at some pictures 4 years ago. It's funny how some people bring it up, as if we're not aware of it already happening. Just trying to grow my hair out and this in between period kind sucks. These are pics I took on our first day of 'freedom' from basic training (bootcamp). We got to go to a store and walk around the base ON OUR OWN! I'll write about that one day to give a feel as to what it was like. I can now look back and smile but that was the longest six weeks I ever had.
I have a notebook worth of quotations I've started writing down when I was 16. Thought I'd share:
Happiness comes to those who give love freely and who don't demand that others love them first. Be generous like the sun's rays, which shine witout asking first whether people deserve their warmth.
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