Mother's Day

I remember looking out the balcony as my mom goes home after dropping me off to school. I'd poke my head out and wave, until she and the other mothers make a left turn, disappearing from my view in those mornings. It was a bit odd since I don't remember crying when I was in kindergarten, or even first grade, only in the second grade which seemed to be an emotional time for me somehow.





I probably don't give her as much credit as I
should, but sometimes I think how I turned out all comes down to me. I'm sure my mom's love played a role or maybe it was all that I needed, after all. I know it might not sound I had a happy childhood sometimes when you read what I write but despite of all the things that happened, I can look back and still smile. There were a lot of good times as well but I think it's the pain that I'm letting go by writing it out. What a sad life, I thought for so long, not that I now think it's happy.


I do love my mom and I can say we do have a great relationship. I call her on and we can go on for hours just talking about things. We are two complete opposites that people comment on how she managed to raise a child like me. She does have a big heart, and she welcomes everybody with open arms. I remember cringing when we're out and about and she'd converse with random people. I'd think "God, she's at it again" and act like I didn't know the woman. With all the things that she went through, even to this day, she'd tell me that she was able to hold it together because of me. I just laugh it off, but it humbles me deeply when I sit down and think about it. Sometimes I think it's stupid but then had it been any other way, I'm not sure I would have been where I am.

My other aunts' kids are all pretty young, and they would tell my mom they hope that their kids would turn out the way I did. She'd say to trust everything to God. My mom did pray a lot. She did do novenas and I just sat there wondering what she was praying about. All I did pray for was to get to meet my father. On my birthday, the first thing we'd do is make our way out to Quiapo, Manila and pay respect to the Black Nazarene. This is the one church where she'd walk on her knees to get to the front of the church where the statue is. It usually rains on my birthday since it's in the rainy season, and she always carried me on her back, rather than letting my shoes get wet on our way

After all that happened, she was always there for me.She could have said the hell with me a long time ago, and she didn't. Sometimes I guess I forget that she was a young girl once, and had her all these dreams and ambitions. I certainly don't think that becoming a single mother was one of it. I'm thankful she stood by me, though some aren't as lucky. So to my mom, my aunts, my grandma and to all the mothers out there, Happy Mother's Day and thank you for the gift.

Forgive your mother! Forgive her not for the things she has done or not done, for the things she has said or has not said. Forgive her because it is the only way to open your heart to self-forgiveness. Forgive her not because you don't have a right to be upset about the way she has handled some things in her life and in your life. Forgive her not because she was right in making you feel wrong, or because she was wrong when she failed to acknowledge that you were right. Forgive your mother because until you do, there will be a void in your heart.

Forgive your mother for the many, many times she was not the mother you wanted her to be. Forgive her for the times she did not do things the way you needed them done. Forgive your mother for not protecting you or speaking out in your behalf. Forgive her for not guiding you in the right direction and for the times she totally lost her direction, dragging you along with her. Forgive your mother for demanding things from you that she could not provide for you or for herself. Forgive your mother whether or not she did anything wrong or bad to you. Forgive her not because you are excusing whatever she did or however it affected you. Forgive your mother because holding judgments against her has a devastating impact on your soul. The judgments you hold will eventually break your heart. Forgive your mother because the truth is, she did the best she could whether you would like to believe it or not.

Until today, you may have been harboring judgments or negative opinions about your mother and the way she did or did not mother you. Just for today, forgive yourself for judging your mother. Once you do, there will be nothing left to forgive her for.

- Iyanla Vanzant