Life....

(Started this yesterday afternoon) I asked the boss if I could leave early yesterday since the Comcast tech was coming by the apartment. They called me around 1:30, letting me know they'll be arriving within the next hour. It's almost 4 now and I have yet to hear back from them. It's been weeks since I've written, and I actually missed just being able to sit down and write. Things have been good for the most part so that might play a role too as to why I haven't been writing much. That, and I really haven't been alone lately, spending most of my time with Cs. It's been great with him, we just spend most of the time together. Watching DVD's, dinner, just laying in bed and talking. Some of you guys who I've chatted with know more than what I'm writing and maybe I'll keep just mum about it. Let's just say, I'm so much in a better place than I was before having met him :) I catch myself smiling even when I'm having a rough day at work knowing that Cs- is there for me. Such a really sweet guy that some of the things he says just makes me cry. I'm still working on trying to be more vocal about my feelings, but I told him that I hope he can still sense what I feel for him even if I don't say it outloud. He does, and this man (or am I still a boy?) is smiling because the boy I <3 makes him happy. I wish I would have written more on a day to day account but that might be a little too much.

Even my mom knows about Cs- as well. She in turn told my other aunt, and my aunt told my other aunt, and now the whole mom's side of the family knows about him already. Tita Akang, the aunt in Denmark, even spoke to him on the phone and welcomed him to the family. Cs said he was really touched hearing that. I was a bit surprised my aunt said that, but I'm glad they're welcoming Cs- with open arms. After the convo, Cs- jokingly said we're in this for the long run. That was this past Sunday when I called my aunt when we were going to Ikea in College Park. During the ride, I was on the phone most of the time with my tita. She was just going on about how happy she was I'm with someone, etc. I think even my Grandma knows, and to think it hasn't even been a month since I met Cs. During our conversation, my granda got brought up which as some of you knows passed away last summer. The relationship was just meh, we really weren't close to each other.

My tita said that our house help Aileen actually mentioned about the relationship. She told my aunt that before my grandpa's condition got worse, he was talking about a grandson he was really proud of. He told Aileen that it didn't matter to him to him that I was gay, he could care less about that. He said that he was really proud of me but didn't show it since he was worried that my other cousins would get jealous. And there I was, believing that my grandpa didn't care much. Just hearing her tell me this made me cry which is kinda odd. Normally, when my family says that they're proud of me, I sit there thinking "and what good does that do me?" It's not that I go around doing things trying to make them proud, I just do what I do.

I got to thinking about things yesterday, and how I felt unloved by my grandpa. But then, when I thought about how he took us in after my dad left. He provided food on the table, roof over our head and even spending money. Eventhough I've never really sat down with him, learning about things he went through, or hearing about his life, or some wisdom he can impart but then I didn't do that with the family, not even with my mom, I don't think. I mostly learned just by observing and keeping notes in my head on how to be and not to be. My grandpa never uttered the words I love you, but I guess the things he did was his way of saying that. We get so busy trying to illicit those three words sometimes that we miss out on the love that's already there. He used to drink a lot and get really verbally abusive, and sometimes even physically, well mostly my mom. Maybe seeing my mom's situation pained him, her being an unwed mother with a foreign child. I really can't say why. But when my dad finally got my citizenship all set up, and I could move to the US, my granddad was really happy. He even told me a little prayer to say on my very first flight to the states. Maybe he just wanted a better future for me, and he felt I can only accomplish that back in my homeland. It's funny when I think about it, how eventhough I'm mixed, they felt the US is where I really belonged, guess it has to do with my looks. Regardless, I'm just realizing that I did love my grandpa. It doesn't mean I accepted or condoned his mistreatment, or that I excused his faults and frailties. But loving is seeing them, accepting them, and loving them despite the things you might not like about them. I have faults of my own, so I'm glad people love me despite of it.

Aside from that, my mom will be flying in to DC this Saturday. I wouldn't say for good coz it might be for her, but not for me haha. I won't elaborate as to the reasons but things aren't really working out for her in Florida. It's annoying a little when she keeps saying how she should be with me, and not living with my aunt and uncle. I'd say Ummm, Noooo, get over with. But yet, she'll still be coming. It'll be better since she'll be able to get around even without a car. And I guess, now I won't have to worry about food since she can just cook for me and Cs-. I was joking with Cs- and asking him if he's sure he's in for the drama that is family, but he said he is, so this fella's for keeps. He offered to help get my mom situated, going with her to try to find her a job amongst other things. She's just gonna be staying at the old apartment I was staying. I've told one of the roommates and she's okay with it, though I have yet to talk to the other one. I'll have my mom stay at Virginia while I stay in DC so that should be enough of a buffer. I'll get to eat home-cooked meals again, yum yum. I'm just in denial that it'll be fine when she gets here. We'll get to take pictures, check out the sites in DC. Then later on once she gets situated, the rest of the fam from Norway and Denmark would all visit. How awesome is that! Cs- and I might even go to Denmark next year, crazy but my tita has my uncle looking up ticket prices next year for me and Cs-. I'm just amazed how everything fell right into place since I met him.

That's just about all that's going on. Gotta head out on the floor....