And his voice came out of nowhere

     So apropos.. I've never had to use that word but I like the way it sounds after hearing it from a song by a band/guy I discovered, Bon Iver. But alas, he came to DC last year and I missed his show.

    I felt the need to stay quiet for a bit and not write about what's been happening. Work's been good for the most part. I've gotten the hang of it and been pretty much taking calls all day with a few questions to my coworkers. Been a bit busy with school. I'm actually taking a full load this semester to get a feel as to what it's like. It's been good though I'd still want to do it full time but not work full time. Maybe get a part-time gig but concentrate more on school. I'm taking classes at the local community college but will transfer eventually to one of the universities around, more than likely George Mason.

    The classes are pretty good. I'm taking Sociology, two computer classes, and Precalculus. I'm struggling a bit with Precal eventhough I liked Math a lot when I was younger. I guess having been out of school for like six years played a part so there, would have to study more and maybe get with a tutor even.

    Aside from that, one or two bloggers knows that C- and I are no longer together, for almost two months now. I'm not really gonna get on the details since it'll be unfair to him but that's that. I might write more about it from my point of view but it was real foggy for the longest as to what the exact reasons are. I really can't pin point the one defining thing that prompted this since it's more of a mix. Some of it were my doing I'll admit, and I probably could have done things different., if not better. Could have been more patient, kinder, more loving. I guess you just learn from it and move on. That was the best I can do at that time, but I'm not closing the doors. I definitely have some things I need to work on, recognizing them after having lived with C-. And right now, I just feel the need to deal with them by myself. I feel bad when it seems I'm just dragging him down with me.

    I miss what we had of course and for the most part, it was good. It was a lot of firsts and for that, I'll always be grateful. I think when we met, it happened since that's what had to happen. We brought something into each other's lives that we both needed. I can say that I've been happier since I've met him, there's a ritual I used to do but I don't any longer ever since I've met him. We've talked about how our relationship is unique and I think we'll always be in other's lives, well that's how we feel at this time. If that gets fucked up though, it'll be on me since I do some hurtful things with no rhyme or reason that after the fact, even I'm left wondering where it came from.

   On a short note, I wanted to share a song by one of my favorite bands *grins I heard this song from my mp3 player on my way to work and bawled out like crazy since it just summed up how I felt at that time.
 
Something in me was dying
And my heart was heavy as stone
Hard as i was trying
I never could find, find my way home

And your voice came out of nowhere
Be my friend and give me your hand
Let's take off together
And then we can live wherever we land

Something in me was broken
And my thoughts were bitter and ill
My world was blown open
And I couldn't see and i couldn't feel
You said be yourself and think of me
And you'll know there's nothing to fear
Let's make plans together
It's time to move on and get out of here

Girl i need you
Don't know what I would do
Will you see the story through
It's a cruel world
And I need somewhere to hide
But time goes by
And your still on my side

Something in me was sinking
Cause my heart was heavy as stone
I gave up with thinking
I never would find, find my way home
And your voice came out of nowhere
Be my friend and give me your hand
Let's take off together
And then we can live wherever we land

Girl i need you
Don't know what i would do
Will you see the story through
It's a cruel world
And i need somewhere to hide
The time goes by and your still on my side

Waiting
Searching
Turning over
Running round in circles
And i've worn myself out
Hoping that we'll always be together
yeah we'll always be together
yeah we'll always be together
yeah we'll always be together
yeah we'll always be together
yeah we'll always be together
yeah we'll always be together

                       -Something in Me Was Dying
                        by Keane