I can't believe this

I never did this when I was a kid but tonight I sat next to my mom in
her bed and admitted to being lonely when she asked me. I didn't stay
long since with her trying to console me, I got annoyed with some
things she said. What the duck's wrong with me sometimes? It's the
first day since C- and the dog left for Chicago. It'll take a little
getting used to. Did I get what I wanted though? I need to go
somewhere just for a while... It won't be for a few more weeks though,
with school not being over til the 11th. I want my world to stand
still...

It's been a long time

Had to redo a video since the first one didn't record my audio and it was a 5-min video too.. booooo! Here's a second take:


Been a long time -

And his voice came out of nowhere

     So apropos.. I've never had to use that word but I like the way it sounds after hearing it from a song by a band/guy I discovered, Bon Iver. But alas, he came to DC last year and I missed his show.

    I felt the need to stay quiet for a bit and not write about what's been happening. Work's been good for the most part. I've gotten the hang of it and been pretty much taking calls all day with a few questions to my coworkers. Been a bit busy with school. I'm actually taking a full load this semester to get a feel as to what it's like. It's been good though I'd still want to do it full time but not work full time. Maybe get a part-time gig but concentrate more on school. I'm taking classes at the local community college but will transfer eventually to one of the universities around, more than likely George Mason.

    The classes are pretty good. I'm taking Sociology, two computer classes, and Precalculus. I'm struggling a bit with Precal eventhough I liked Math a lot when I was younger. I guess having been out of school for like six years played a part so there, would have to study more and maybe get with a tutor even.

    Aside from that, one or two bloggers knows that C- and I are no longer together, for almost two months now. I'm not really gonna get on the details since it'll be unfair to him but that's that. I might write more about it from my point of view but it was real foggy for the longest as to what the exact reasons are. I really can't pin point the one defining thing that prompted this since it's more of a mix. Some of it were my doing I'll admit, and I probably could have done things different., if not better. Could have been more patient, kinder, more loving. I guess you just learn from it and move on. That was the best I can do at that time, but I'm not closing the doors. I definitely have some things I need to work on, recognizing them after having lived with C-. And right now, I just feel the need to deal with them by myself. I feel bad when it seems I'm just dragging him down with me.

    I miss what we had of course and for the most part, it was good. It was a lot of firsts and for that, I'll always be grateful. I think when we met, it happened since that's what had to happen. We brought something into each other's lives that we both needed. I can say that I've been happier since I've met him, there's a ritual I used to do but I don't any longer ever since I've met him. We've talked about how our relationship is unique and I think we'll always be in other's lives, well that's how we feel at this time. If that gets fucked up though, it'll be on me since I do some hurtful things with no rhyme or reason that after the fact, even I'm left wondering where it came from.

   On a short note, I wanted to share a song by one of my favorite bands *grins I heard this song from my mp3 player on my way to work and bawled out like crazy since it just summed up how I felt at that time.
 
Something in me was dying
And my heart was heavy as stone
Hard as i was trying
I never could find, find my way home

And your voice came out of nowhere
Be my friend and give me your hand
Let's take off together
And then we can live wherever we land

Something in me was broken
And my thoughts were bitter and ill
My world was blown open
And I couldn't see and i couldn't feel
You said be yourself and think of me
And you'll know there's nothing to fear
Let's make plans together
It's time to move on and get out of here

Girl i need you
Don't know what I would do
Will you see the story through
It's a cruel world
And I need somewhere to hide
But time goes by
And your still on my side

Something in me was sinking
Cause my heart was heavy as stone
I gave up with thinking
I never would find, find my way home
And your voice came out of nowhere
Be my friend and give me your hand
Let's take off together
And then we can live wherever we land

Girl i need you
Don't know what i would do
Will you see the story through
It's a cruel world
And i need somewhere to hide
The time goes by and your still on my side

Waiting
Searching
Turning over
Running round in circles
And i've worn myself out
Hoping that we'll always be together
yeah we'll always be together
yeah we'll always be together
yeah we'll always be together
yeah we'll always be together
yeah we'll always be together
yeah we'll always be together

                       -Something in Me Was Dying
                        by Keane

It makes me smile

Yay, I got tickets to Lily Allen's show this April. This year is gonnabe a great one for catching gigs, just like my first year. There's gonnabe 4 shows I'm wanting to see, and got tickets for three of them so far. Has anyone else listened to Bon Iver!? I wish I saw them when they were in DC, but alas, I discovered AFTER the fact just like before with M.I.A., Mika, etc.

 

Don't go out tonight...

I'm digging this Danish band I stumbled on, Alphabeat. I just love the melodies and the words to their song :D

Merry Christmas

Just thought I'd drop a line and wish you all a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! Or Happy Holidays to some, or Happy Kwanzaa even :D There's just been some stuff that happened that i felt best not to be written about. I'm doing fine though, a few more hours before I go home for the day.

My mom actually turned 49 on the 15th and I think it was a good birthday overall. I got her some clothes as a gift, with a matching necklace and earring. I had it waiting for her when she got home from work but I was already asleep when she got home. She woke up and thanked me for it, I think she was even crying but I was too sleepy I just said 'Welcome' and went back to sleep.

The next day was her actual b-day and it went well. We took her out to this one Indian restaurant in DC called Rasika. She took her bf (*rolls eyes). It's taking me a while to warm up to him, just being honest but it was good overall. She's never had Indian food before but am glad she liked it.

So that's about it really. Work's alright, I'm getting the hang of it more and more. On some days, I feel bleh about it since the calls are non-stop, but it's only for now :D Just wanted to get my foot in at the company I'm with so that's about it really.

Will post some pics since they blocked flickr here at work. I'm able to read feeds for the blogs I read but not able to comment so that'll be why, but I try to stay up to date and see what everyone's up to. That's all for now and again, Merry Christmas!!

Happy Thanksgiving!

I thought I'd take time to wish you guys and gal a Happy Thanksgiving! We had an early Thanksgiving dinner last night and it was a success :D

We had some friends over, and some friend's friends. I was nervous as hell a few hours prior I thought about making a detour and not go home 'til late haha. What was that all about!? This is our first time having some folks over for dinner and stuff but it went well. I can say that everyone had a good time. Will post some pictures later.. I wore a shirt that C- gave me and was getting compliments for it so yay!

 

I'm glad I am where I am right now, and thankful for everything that's happened both good and bad. Tomorrow's my 9th year anniversary coming to the US and I get a little, I wouldn't say melancholy but I reminisce a lot around this time of year. I know I'll keep moving forward but I look back to that day when my life changed completely. I think I've had a good life so far, went through some experiences that taught me things about myself and the world as a whole. You know, looking back it's like I get too focused on the pain that I was going through and don't think about the "future" when I think about things, and say "Oh, I learned this from that." You know, falling for a guy that I never saw after one meeting, and it made me take a look at myself on the mirror and find ways that I can improve. After that, I started dressing better and try to think that if things don't work out with people, it's not always because there was something wrong with you. We can't expect to be loved by everybody, and can't expect the same from others. We can do good at the best of our ability and keep it at that. I think the universe has a way of paying you back, not that you should expect them because of what you did. You can call it karma or whatever, but I guess it's really true that what you put out to the world, you get back. Might not be tomorrow, or the day after but it will.

 

So thank you life. Thanks to my parents for giving it to me. To my family and friends for all the love, it was enough to keep me going. To the bloggers I've become friends with, thanks for making time to make the friendship work eventhough we're not close to each other. And of course, to me for not having given up.

 

Gobble, gobble!