Things I don't like about me

Has everybody heard of the different temperaments? For those who haven't, it's a theory that goes all the way back to Hippocrates. He believed certain human moods, emotions and behaviors were caused by body fluids (called humors): blood, yellow bile, black bile, and phlegm. It just got me thinking since I've actually known about these for a while, and even gave some books as gifts trying to get a point across to people. During the time I lived with my aunt and uncle, it was hard on some days since my uncle was so serious the whole time that I remember thinking 'Lighten up, will ya!" Years later, and having lived with the bf this past year, it came to light that my uncle and I have similar personalities.

This came up since the bf and I had a fight few nights ago about things not being done in the house. I usually get upset when the bed isn't made when I get home, dishes are in the sink, etc. When this happens, instead of talking to Cs- about it, I would just be quiet and not talk to him in the time being. I forget how I hated it when my uncle didn't talk to me when we're home, yet here I am doing the same thing to my bf.

He just brought light to some things that I didn't realize I was doing which hurt him in some way. I can say that I'm pretty neat and organized at home, and usually have a system of sorts to make life easier. Even when I was in the mil, my friends used to laugh since I have a place for things. I have everything folded and I used to set Sundays as my ironing day. I'd spend part of the day ironing everything I washed the previous night. Well, not including underwear, but you know, pants, shirts, etc. I really didn't think much of it since it'll be easier for me to find something if I know where it is, rather than hunting around when you need it. Even when I was in school, I'd dump everything in my backpack out and reorganize my notebooks, books EVERY night with no fail. Have it in order as to what class we have, I was even the go-to guy since they know if they need a school supply of sort, Kris will have it.

I'm also quite particular with the kind of food I buy. I only buy Rocky Road or Cookies and Cream ice cream, just creamy Skippy peanut butter, you get the idea. There's a certain brand of wheat bread that I only eat since I've tried other ones and didn't like it. It's not so much that I'm particular, but I just like what I like. So, when I asked him to go grocery shopping, he bought bread, just not what I've been getting. I made it known that it's not the brand that I eat, but perhaps I should have waited to tell him so rather than saying it right when he's putting them away. The bread went to waste since I tried it but didn't like it so went to the store and grabbed the usual brand myself. With doing so, I've hurt him unknowingly.

Here's a site that briefly talks about the personalities. I'm a mix Melancholy/Phlegmatic, leaning more to Melancholy. I'll admit when I read my old posts, and just think Oh my god, I sound so depressed but I don't know, I'd like to think I write about the negative to let it out mainly. In person, I'm easy-going and low key. And I thought it didn't take much to make me happy, yet I'd get depressed in a heartbeat over the little things.
I'm just a walking contradiction, aren't I?

I just noticed that for both personalities, it mentioned self a lot. Selfish, self-centered, self-righteous. Actually I can be selfish when I want to. I went to an extreme once when I was younger, and had a famicom, I didn't want my cousin playing it so I hid the controller when I went to school. Well, my aunt wanted to play it but since I hid it, no one was able to. I got home and they asked why I hid it, and I really can't remember what I said or even having a reason other than not wanting anyone else to use it while I'm gone. It's funny though that I attributed some of my not-so-nice traits to being mixed rather than just for being a kid alone.

I'm not even sure what the point of this post is. I guess to shed more light about my not-so-great aspects and try to find a way to overcome it when it starts to affect relationships. With my nature, I tend to focus on the negatives and seriously forget what I like about a person. I tend not to tell them what's going on since I hate conflicts, so I just quietly take myself out of the picture, probably leaving some wondering why what happened.

I spoke to an old friend few weeks ago, someone I was friends with in high school back in the Philippines. We were really good friends, though we had some falling out a few times. We laugh about it now but one of them was because she let my other classmates use my marker without telling me. It made me mad enough to not talk to her for a week which is another thing I'm trying to work on. When I'm upset, I go about things as usual except acknowledging the person I'm upset with. I forget how I hated it when that was done to me, being in the same room with someone, yet feel as if you don't even exist, that you don't matter enough to get even a nod or anything. I did that quite a lot. I'm not sure what triggers it. I'd wake up one day and just don't feel like talking to people, or get bored so ignore folks just for the kick of it. That doesn't sound normal, and I AM guilty.

Anyway, she told me some of the things she appreciated about me. I'd buy her food when we're out and about, or just being there when she needs me. I seriously don't remember what these things were but she does so guess that's a good thing. I'm not so bad after all since she said, I'm like her first friend that made an impact to her life, and yet not even know it. I just did what I thought one would do for their friend, nothing else. I have deep concern for others, I'll do what I can to help (self-sacrificing), sensitive, and a lot of people say I'm sweet :D To be honest though, I'm boggled to this day as to how I'm sweet. I don't know what makes me one. Oh damn, mel kicking in. Shut up and focus on the good stuff! If I chose to be your friend, I'm a friend for life so the ones I've met, you lucked out haha. You can't get rid of meeee!

That's about it. I just wanted to touch up on this to bring light to my dark side and see what I can do to not become Darth Vader, kapeesh!? My bebe is a Sanguine by the way...