8 years today!

*breathes heavily. It's nice to finally just take a breather here at work. It's just been busy since this week started and I'm really close to just throwing in the towel. I put out my resume once again, and trying to see what's out there. It's kinda crazy that this time last year I sorta was in the same boat, getting ready to leave the military, and start my life as a civilian. There are times where I considered going back in but it's probably not gonna happen. I just miss the camarederie sometimes, and all the higher ups looking out for me (well mine certainly did). They really went out of their way to take care of any needs I had whether it be moving to an apartment off base so my mom can stay with me, or even offering to move me to a different position if I was unhappy with what I was doing. But that's about it, it just seems there's too much BS to deal with, and to be told what to do in pretty much most aspects of my life kinda got to me. Either way, I'm thankful for the experience.

Well, I turned 8 yesterday!! Okay, you're probably thinking like huh!? Well, let me splain. It was exactly 8 yrs ago that I made the move to the US, and started out a new life per say and it's been my our running joke (my dad and I) that we started to count my age after coming here. Sometimes I just sit in awe and gets boggled with how all those years have been. It's hard to believe sometimes when at one point, I really gave up on getting to come here. It wasn't even so much to live here, the main thing was getting to see my dad again since I was maybe 3 yrs old. I've written a lengthy history but really don't feel like linking and stuff.

Thanksgiving came and went but that day, things weren't exactly alright, not that I'm saying it is now, but it was a struggle a little to come up with things to be thankful for. It really shouldn't be forced but today, I've got that feeling and hence this post. These 8 years has been a learning experience for me, not that it ever stops. But things I've seen and done, people I've met and crossed paths with, all I hold dearly in my heart. Even just a simple act that they might not even realize, it could have been something simple as a smile, or a conversation, or a lift to the post office when I needed a ride, it all made a difference to me. Some of those people, I probably would never see again but regardless of that, they've touched my life and I'll never be the same again because of it.

I'll admit in my early years, there were times I considered just ending it all since life got to be too much. Of course in life, you can't always have all joy and happiness. Sometimes going through pain and suffering might be necessary since without them, how would we get to appreciate all the good things that happen to us. I'm glad I didn't and just held on to the idea that there's always tomorrow, and that everything will be fine. Though sometimes that tomorrow might take days, weeks, months or even years for some, but regardless things do work out. Easier said than done since I'll admit, sometimes it's hard to see past through what's happening and try to find the lesson in it. Either way, things happen and we just have to find whatever it might be that would get us through the day.

I don't think I would have traded this for anything else, and I'm glad I got to see this day. All I know is that at this point in my life, this is where I exactly needed to be. Asto why, maybe the answer might come, it might never but it's all part of the process. I'll know when it's time for me to know, and for now I'm alright with that.

I'm grateful to my family who's always been there for me, my parents of course, which I'll always love in my way and not what they think I should love them, to C- for being with me eventhough I can be quite difficult (well sometimes), and for all my friends, near and afar, including my blogger friends. My life is richer with you all in it, I can attest to that. To the ones I've met, aren't you lucky you met me? hahaha! To the ones I haven't met, it'll happen *grins . To these people, thank you for seeing the good in me when I can't see it myself.

All these coming from an 8-yr old...

Vote for me!

That's Caeden when he was just a few weeks old. He's about 3 1/2 months old now and you can see a more recent pic when you click on the picture on the left. The bf asked me to post this so whoever looks can vote for Caeden at the MyFox DC's Pet Page hehe. Thanks :D

Heels on the ground

Had it been not for JM, I would not have even bothered to watch Charlotte's Web. Granted I've watched kids movies: Monsters Inc, Finding Nemo, etc and I really enjoyed, I've never bothered with Charlotte's Web. I'm glad I got to sit down and watch it since I surprisingly liked it. On Thursdays, I usually watch tv with My Name Is Earl, and other shows being on but I made the exception tonight. I'll admit I cried in some parts of the movie, since watching it made me think of all my friends. Eventhough some I haven't seen in years with them living in other parts of the world, it doesn't cause me to love them less, but instead treasure those moments I spent time with them. Same with bloggers, I've met quite a few and eventhough I spent only a day with some, it still makes me smile to have met them.

Wow, so it's been two weeks since I last post. It felt like that was only a week ago. Things have been good for the most part so can't really complain. Ok, maybe it was only one week now that I've looked at a calendar. We ended up not going to NY last weekend, and just stayed home mostly. For Sunday, we went to the National Gallery of Art to have a look since they have an ongoing exhibition of Edward Hopper's work. It was nice getting to see his paintings up close and personal. It just amazes me what some folks can produce with a brush and paint, or pen and paper. They had a film about his life as well, interesting to actually hear more about what he was like as a person. Nighthawks' actually my favorite painting of his, and I use it from time to time as my wallpaper.

Monday, I switched shifts with my coworker so I can drop Cs- off at the airport. He went to Orlando to see his family. After dropping him off, I had a few hours to kill before coming in to work. Cs- got a navigation system from his mom, and thought I'd let it guide me home. Cs- kinda played with it a little before I dropped him off so I "assumed" that he was setting to take me home. I did what it told me to do, though maybe 20 mins or so, I was starting to wonder since I was driving through streets I've never been to before. I was just thinking how nice it was to see more of the area. I was on the main highway, and started seeing signs to the airport and I thought how odd that was and upon looking at the nav system, it was giving me directions back to the airport!!! I just spent an hour driving back to where I started.

Tuesday, I went to Dupont Circle to watch the High Heel Race which is annual thing here in DC the Tuesday before Halloween. It was one of the funniest things I've seen. Drag queens racing a few blocks wearing high heels and pumps, and it was just great seeing all the people that came. Even the mayor stopped by, and I got to shake hands with him too. They got folks dressed up as Larry Craig, the "Leave Britney alone" guy on youtube, Princess Di, etc even the Spice Girls. Maybe next year....*grins Found a clip to give you an idea




Wednesday, I ended up calling in sick to work. I was actually walking to the train station already, and felt that I really didn't wanna come in. So instead of fighting it, I just went with it and called my boss to let her know I didn't feel too well, which is true to an extent. Ahh, the beauty of being a civilian. Odd thing was a little bit after going back in, this is what it said on my horoscope for the day:

"You might need to connect with Mother Earth, Kris. Lately, you've been feeling less than grounded. You might have
the sensation that your mind is drifting somewhere above your body. If your work is mostly of the mental variety,
and if you spend a lot of time on your computer, you might experience some feelings of disconnection from your body.
Correct this by going for a long walk in a park, or sit by the ocean or other body of water."

Granted I didn't go by an ocean or anything, it was nice to just stay home and do as I please. Cleaned up some, did the laundry, listened to some music and went running. Trying to get in shape like I once was a few years ago. I didn't realize that my body changed much but with a few folks saying something about it, yea maybe I did lose some weight. Time to go to the gym again. I'm crazy for not going since I really can't get out my contract with Bally's, so way to fix it is to just go. Not that I'm not okay with my body, but guess it could use some improvement. It wasn't 'til I was about 19 or so, when I finally realized that I wasn't bad looking at all. I confided this to a friend and she said how crazy I was for even thinking that I was ugly. Not that I think I'm a hunk, it's just that I've learned to love myself and smile at the guy I see at the mirror, and not to constantly think of what can be changed on the outside.

I guess now, just finally having faith and believing in myself is what it all comes down to. I'd like to think I'm still the same person, eventhough some people might think I changed. Is it not possible though, for one to change but yet remain the same? Maybe I did change, but I would not have done so if it wasn't necessary. Some of it was by choice, some was sorta forced due to circumstances that I got myself into. I just have to stay true for me, and try not to let other people's perceptions get in the way.

Who I am is not who I used to be. But who I am is all of who I used to be.