It finally snowed here in the DC area the first time on a Sunday. I need to watch the news more. I slept it once again, and watched a movie, Lovely and Amazing if I remember correctly. It was an okay movie, I was watching it and thinking why am I still watching this, but still finished the whole movie. It was made by the same director that made Friends With Money which I liked. The movie was about a mother and her two daughters just going through stuff. I'd say they're in the valleys of their life, working through their insecurities, and trying to find ways to feel better about themselves, even with the help of others at some point. Of course, I didn't think of that the night I watched it. What it made me think of....is McDonald's. There's this adopted black girl that had weight issues, and she got hungry one evening so she left the house without telling her sister and walked the streets to get to McDonald's. It made me crave for a Big Mac but really can't do anything since it was like 1230 am when this happened. There won't be any open I know. This happened too when I was in Japan. I'd get the munchies for a Big Mac like really late and one time, I actually drove around to find one open and I got lucky, I got there
Of course, when I woke up, I had to satisfy my craving and off to McDo I go. Sunday became my eat anything I want day. With going to the gym, I shouldn't be really going to fast foods and such, but I had a craving, and sometimes you just have to give in to it, whatever the craving's for. This was also the time I found it it was snowing, as I was leaving. And with nothing planned really, I figured I'll head out to Ikea and pick up a shelf. Well, I was debating between two shelves, but ended up going with an actual bookshelf rather than a bookcase. I'm trying to use up whatever space I have in my room so went with a Billy bookshelf. I can't ge the picture, but it stands about 80 inches in black brown color. I'm getting close to getting my room set up, just need to get somethign to put up on the wall to give it a homelier feel. It is my crib, and probably will be for the rest of the year. I kinda enjoy living with roommates right now, though I'd need to speak with one about his cleaning habits. Ok, it amazes me that I put a paper towel in the microwave, and when the roomy heats his food up, not use the paper towel to cover it up. Guess one of those things where I'll have to tell them. I just find it odd how I'll have to tell someone something obvious already. Guess I forget we all don't think alike. I ended up spending a few hours during which it snowed way more, and on the way back, I skidded in the interstate. Good thing I didn't hit anybody though I messed up my bumper a bit.
At the beginning of the week, one of the coworkers was sick so I was manning the phones by myself for like three hours at the beginning of the shift. Ugh, all these calls coming in. It was stressing me out.Lord, make it stop! I like the schedule though, but I think eventually I'll find one where I do more behind the scenes work rather than dealing with all the calls.
Hitting the gym's actually been making me sleepy earlier than usual. I feel sleepy around 9, but do I go to bed? Of course not. I still stay up 'til 11 or 12, then get up around 5 to get ready for work. I might need to change that soon though since this week, I'd hit the snooze and wake up at 6 am, 6 minutes before I was supposed to catch the bus. I usually catch the 6:06 bus, and get to work around 6:45 am. There's a metro stop two miles away, and I've been driving to it this week, then catch the metro from there. I could leave the house around 6:25 and catch the 6:30-something train so hmm, will give that some thought over the weekend. Maybe I just need to sleep earlier, or take some vitamins.
It's two days since I last spoke to my cousin. This is the longest we haven't talked on the phone I think. Just annoyed a little with her with some stuff between her and her gf. Really won't tell her what to do since she's a grown woman, so will just keep my mouth shut and stand from a distance.
Last night, I invited my friend J- to have dinner. This is just the second time we've hang out, pretty much a month after we first met. He lives like three miles but yea, need to work on that. Hopefully we'll become friends. It felt weird though, it felt like a date when it really isn't. He was dressed up in slacks and everything, and I showed up wearing jeans and sneakers. He's a nice guy, considering we were driving around for half an hour trying to find the restaurant. It was pretty new, it won't even show up on mapquest yet. It was Pei Wei that we went to, and I think they have those chains in other states as well. Sister company of PF Chang's which I've never gone to before either. It was nice, just sitting there talking. We laugh most of the time so that's a good thing. He's never seen Strangers with Candy so I had him watch it on the way back. We probably could have talked more but silly me had him watch Jerri. Looks like he liked it so that's a good thing. He told me he wanted to go see a movie, but I forgot what it was. I was gonna offer to come along but held back since it felt like I was asking him out. What to do what to do.
With C- though, it's been almost a week and really haven't talked to him. Will just see I guess. Headin to lunch now, but maybe I'll write more later, just clearing my head.
Friday, January 26, 2007
I can stand me
Halfway through the week already, yay! The week sure just flew by. Pretty much stayed in all weekend which is a first since I've moved here. The past few weeks, I managed to find things to do, catch a movie with someone, go out to the clubs, and that's about it. I really haven't seen the touristy parts of DC since I don't like walking in the cold, I avoid it at all cost.
Friday, C- did come over as we planned though he ended up having to go home for the night. I had him over and all I made was spaghetti. I really didn't know where to go for dinner, and he wasn't gonna come by 'til like 10 pm so pretty much all the restaurants are close. And with me trying to save, figured I'll just make dinner instead of buying. As I was finishing up, I just thought Why am I making spaghetti out of all the food in the world. And remembered, I can barely cook. He arrived around 10 as agreed, and I got his plate set up and a drink. We just went back to my room and ate since me and the roommates really don't use our dining area yet. Just sat in the futon and pretty much just talked while eating, asking questions, getting to know each other more. It felt a bit weird since I usually don't have guys come over, I dunno since I was in Japan, I never had one come by, not even once. After a while, I eased up and stopped worrying about it. He liked the way I had my room set up, so that was goood. He looked through my closet a little (since I keep it open) and mentioned how he'd wear the ties that I have. He was saying how his roommate buys ties, and doesn't really go together with anything he wears. That was nice, so guess that means I have a good taste in clothing. I pretty much worked on it after the first guy I dated ditched me (well we just went out once but with that being my first time ever, it was a big deal). I was 20 at that time. But yea, all I said was thanks or probably just smiled at him, taking the compliment for what it's worth. I still have some issues when I get compliments. As much as it's nice to hear, I get all weird in the inside when I hear them. It's a boost to one's esteem, but still *smiles
Pretty much, we were just talking throughout our meal. We were gonna put on Little Miss Sunshine, but he was probably too hungry to care about it at first. He came back for seconds so the spaghetti can't be bad then, ok it was good. A bit better than good, gooder since I put some Ikea meatballs on it as well. After eating, I put on Strangers with Candy but he really wasn't watching it hehe I'm thinking pay attention to Jerri dude! How could you not watch this!? Oh well, can't make everyone like her I guess. He left around 12:30 since he had to work that Saturday morning. He called me at 5 pm to tell me about it, and at first it bothered me a little. But that all went away when he left for the night, at least I got to see him even for a bit.
I didn't go to bed 'til probably 3 am and slept in 'til about 11 am. That was nice, and got dressed to go to the gym. I started going just this past week. I was dressed and maybe waited 2-3 hours before I left haha. I was sitting there debating whether to go or not. Chatted with the roommate, surfed the net, listened to music before finally telling myself You have to go, it's all about discipline. It felt good once I was done though, and was proud of myself *pat in the back. I left maybe an hour after, and stopped by Marshall's and looked around. I saw some stuff I liked, though didn't buy anything until last night where I got everything I wanted but the knit cap with the ear covers. Booo! And that's what I wanted, well needed since it's cold here *hummm Maybe I'll just buy the ear muffs since the skull caps just flatten my hair completely. I used one few days ago, and I ended up having to wet my hair to get my curls back. Or maybe I should just shave my head again, but then I'll miss my hair right after I do.
After the gym, I stepped out and just felt light. I was just happy of being, didn't make plans with anybody, or considering going out just because. Ah, this isn't so bad after all. It was bothering me before not having anybody to hang out with on weekends, but it was different not having that wanting, ya know. I can stand me.
*Started this post Wednesday at work but got sidetracked working hahaha
Friday, January 19, 2007
Retro night
Am sure glad it's Friday.. Six more hours to go and I'll call it a day :D It's actually been quiet here at work this morning which is quite surprising. Considering my coworker called in sick so I'm running the ship here. Most of the calls I've gotten, I actually know what the user needed or wanted. Yesterday was another story. They sent out a company-wide training and didn't tell us in advance what problems the users would run into. I had NO idea what they were calling about at first, and wasn't even sure how to troubleshoot. It's a bit frustrating when they do that. They would push out new softwares, some computer courses, etc etc and not let us know what it's all about, yet put the Helpdesk down as the main POC for any problem people run into. I was a bit pissed but oh well, just had to take it in stride and not let it get to me which I succeeded in doing later on the day. Am not too sure where it came from but I was happier towards the end of the day.
Around 10 or so, I stepped out of the office and went over to different offices and fixed whatever problem they were having. It actually is nice, getting to talk to all sorts of people. Ones who think they're so important the world will stop without them, and the really down to earth ones that just laughs at the situation since they're aware that things do just happen sometimes. Some lady actually gave me a Snickers bar when she saw me on her floor. I helped her out two weeks ago maybe and she said that she meant to ask me what candy bar I liked. I had to go to another woman's office though to fix something, but when i came by the reception desk, a Snickers bar was waiting for me. That was sweet.. Well the lady too.
We actually cover the whole US so we get lots of calls throughout the day. It's mostly account lock outs, and you start to recognize a pattern when the same people call about getting them unlocked. Heehee, some callers are a darling. Mostly from the South, and the Midwest. Though I fall in love whenever someone from Puerto Rico calls. I'm a sucker for accents from time to time. I think that's why I can have D- talk to me all day, and me not say a word.
I had about two hours of sleep again yesterday and I'm not really sure why that happens. I was tired but just can't fall asleep.I think I have shorter patience when that happens, since callers get on my nerves pretty quickly. I got to google talk with C- yesterday and we're set for today. We're just gonna hang out at my crib, and that's probably gonna give away to my roommates that I'm gay with him spending the night at my place. It's never really come up and I didn't want to just bring it up out of the blue. So yea, C- has some volunteering to do and won't get out 'til 9:30 pm. I'm not sure whether to just make some spaghetti (with the ikea meatballs which are a killer!) or just pick up a dinner, as to where I do not know.
I forced myself to run eventhough I was sore from going to the gym. It's even worse today, so not sure yet if I'm going today either. I hang out with a new friend yesterday, though we just met up in Adams Morgan which is an eclectic part of DC. It was nice, though I didn't get to walk outside much since it was freezing. We went to this one bar, Heaven and Hell, and they had the 80's theme on Thursdays. It was nice, though we left by 11 since I had to catch the metro back, since I work today. Him and I got along well, Strangers with Candy fan, listen to the same music, laughs at the same things so there's common thread. He's straight, but I told him upfront I'm gay but he said he could care less. I wanted him to know upfront before we became friends.
It was a good night, I got home, took off my clothes and was out for the night. And I told C- I was gonna call him too. Oh well, I'll see him today. I'm soo looking forward to it, talking to him and just getting to know him more. It's been two weeks since I've seen him. Looks like he's a good guy, he's even lived in China for a few months when he was in school.
Well, lunch is almost over and I think I've written down what's in my head. Nothing mindblowing though it's still longer than I intended it to be. Eh, I think I drag sometimes but oh well, I forget I'm doing this for me. Two more hours to go baby.....
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
Making it happen
Ok, it's been a week now and I haven't posted. I'm trying to post more often with the new year and everything, and working on it but I'm getting there.
It's good overall, just trying to be thankful for everything that's come my way. With the job, I'm liking the schedule which is 7:00 am to 3:30 pm (there ya go Matt :) Last week was the introductory stage so was kinda getting a feel of what it's like. It is good seeing the sun again when I leave for the day, though I'd end up doing overtime, well just about 5-10 minutes extra at times. I'd pick up the phone few minutes before I'm supposed to leave, and it always isn't the fix and hang up type of problems. Anyway, with any other job, there are both sides and the bad stuff got a little to me last week. Some guy kinda got me in trouble by telling the IT chief that he's problem hasn't been taken care of and it's been close to a month. Thing is I've called him a few times trying to find a good time I can come by to take a look at the printer, and he never even called me back so I ended up closing the ticket. It was just a paper jam, but it would have been fixed if he had called me at least. Just a courteous thing, ya know but I guess some people think they're above all that. The guy was a Chief in the other division, and is considered a "VIP." VIP my butt. Ugh, anyways, it upset me a little I started looking at other companies already haha. Well that, and I was thinking how it's time for the nice guys to be in charge. Someone like me *grins But yea, with this happening, it made me want to go back to school to better myself. I know it'll sound an excuse but I'm still waiting for a document before I can start applying for benefits, G.I. Bill for school mostly, but without that paper, I really can't prove that I'm a veteran. I was supposed to get it a month ago after the day I separated but the Separations neglected to do so. Going back to school will have to wait a bit. Perhaps summer or the fall. That should be enough time to completely get situated here, acclimated where everything is, and getting used to this new way of life. I think I might give up my Florida residency soon. I'm keeping it for scholarship purposes, but I'm not really sure if I'd want to live there again. Moving's a pain.
Weekend was good. I met up with Kr- last Saturday. He's someone I've kinda known, spoken to him for a few months, but never actually met him when I lived in Hampton, and he in Williamsburg. It's only 30 mins away but our schedules never coincided. It was good, we were gonna go see Dreamgirls but ended up not going since it was a longer walk from where we were than HE thought. We just walked back to Dupont Circle and went to a pub, Biddy Milligans I believe. We hang around there for a bit, and there I was smiling at a girl again lol. Had some shots of Yager and I was a bit tipsy after just one shot, the buzz felt good though so me like it. Ended up just getting a burger since we didn't know where else to go, and the food wasn't pricey so that was nice. We sat at the bar, and sometime during the evening, I was looking at a guy all the way across the other end of the bar. I thought he looked familiar, but I can't think of where I knew him at first. I was staring at him here and there, and thought that he might have been someone I knew in my military days, but that can't be, not here in all places. On our way out, the guy I was looking at was there smoking and I asked him, Didn't I know you somewhere? Yea, that's something I should really be asking strangers. But sure enough, it was him. I actually had a crush on him once upon a time, but that was cause he used to hug me all the time, and say how they had the cutest bay chief, not sure what the term is in the dormitories but it's the person in charge of the hall. I did roll calls and such, making sure all the people in my bay are accounted for, and that I know where they are if they're not there. But yea, he had a girlfriend and everything so he can't be gay, or so I thought. Not that I'm wishing now that he is. Anyway, we just spoke for a little while but told each other that we'd keep in contact. Kinda sucks how he was homeless, after getting out of the Air Force. I could have offered but it's one of those things. I really didn't know him that well, and with me just being new here in the apartment, it might not bode well with the roommates. Will call DW- though, and see how he's doing at least. He was smoking with this one woman, and I ended up getting her number too. She said she goes to that pub usually on Saturdays, and I should give her a ring if I'm around.
After the pub, we went out to this bar JR's, then to Chaos where they had drag queens performing. It was fun, I also saw someone that I met the week prior but didn't come up to him and say hi. We had a meet and greet a few days ago, since I've talked to him since March 06 but never got a chance to meet him. There were talks of hanging out more, now that I actually live here but we'll have to wait and see. I guess dating can't really be avoided, but oh well, along with it comes games and stuff. I like you, but I'll play it off like I don't. Yea, say let's hang out but never call back. I'm guilty of it myself. I now know how it feels when guys I met wanted to see me again, but I never did. I didn't realize how sucky that must have felt. All I thought was meh, they'll get over it. They'll meet someone better than me. Either that, or I used to think why would they wanna see me again? I'm sure I bored them to death already, and they want more? Oh well, this all got me thinking after meeting Ch-. I've wanted to hang out again but he seemed "busy" so I just let it be. It's been two weeks already! Ah well, he texted earlier this evening if I wanted to hang out Friday. I said yes, though might just speak with him about this tomorrow.
I went to the gym the first time today, after years I think. I had an appointment with a trainer who showed me what machines to use and such. I got lightheaded since I didn't have anything to eat since noon, and I went to the gym at 5. I had to sit in the car for 10 mins before I went home since I can barely move after the session. I'm gonna have to give it some thought whether to get a trainer for a few months, then doing it on my own. Just to get me a headstart, and actually keep at it. Thoughts? My body's fine, but there's room for improvement. Oh, and so my dad will stop ribbing me about the flat stomach that I don't have. He told me to just get defined at least. I see where he's coming from though, he has a back injury and just wants me to take better care of myself. But yea, I saw his pic when he was my age, and I'd have to say, I wanna have that kind of definition. It'll take work, but gotta do it if I want that. I fell asleep right after getting home, I was too weak to even make a sandwich at least. Laid down, and was out before I know it. I slept for about 3 1/2 hours, then woke up and had some peanut butter sandwich, no jam, and dipped it in hot cocoa. Yea yea, my friends say it's gross doing that. It's a Filipino thing. There's a joke how we do that since we wanna make sure the bread is clean. Yea, really funny. I was really picky when I was younger, and people thought I was spoiled because of that. My mom usually prepares something different just for me. I just liked simple things. Ok, I'm letting it known that I used to eat fruits and rice together. Banana, or a ripe mango with rice. I doubt I could do that now but it tasted good. My mom would slice up the mango, then she makes this one pattern on one cheek of the mango (is that the word, cheek?) She'd cut it lengthwise and crosswise, then push it outwards to make it look like a flower. Ah, the good ole days. She's a good mom, though I think I forget that sometimes. She's my complete opposite. People would make comments as to how she managed to raise me. Even my uncle by marriage laughs when he asks her that. She raised a fine young man. Hahaha, I wanna smack people, even her, when she tells me I'm a good son yada yada. Is that an insecurity not wanting to hear about it?
Hope everyone's had a good week so far. I can't wait 'til the weekend though *grins I've become a TGIFer, and I'm liking it. I know my post is kinda all over, but I just let it flow when I sit and write. Isn't that how it should be? It's really hard to pick a topic and write about it. Maybe one day I'll give it a try, oh wait either I do or I don't huh, there is no try. So probably not.. If it ain't broke, why fix it eh?
It's good overall, just trying to be thankful for everything that's come my way. With the job, I'm liking the schedule which is 7:00 am to 3:30 pm (there ya go Matt :) Last week was the introductory stage so was kinda getting a feel of what it's like. It is good seeing the sun again when I leave for the day, though I'd end up doing overtime, well just about 5-10 minutes extra at times. I'd pick up the phone few minutes before I'm supposed to leave, and it always isn't the fix and hang up type of problems. Anyway, with any other job, there are both sides and the bad stuff got a little to me last week. Some guy kinda got me in trouble by telling the IT chief that he's problem hasn't been taken care of and it's been close to a month. Thing is I've called him a few times trying to find a good time I can come by to take a look at the printer, and he never even called me back so I ended up closing the ticket. It was just a paper jam, but it would have been fixed if he had called me at least. Just a courteous thing, ya know but I guess some people think they're above all that. The guy was a Chief in the other division, and is considered a "VIP." VIP my butt. Ugh, anyways, it upset me a little I started looking at other companies already haha. Well that, and I was thinking how it's time for the nice guys to be in charge. Someone like me *grins But yea, with this happening, it made me want to go back to school to better myself. I know it'll sound an excuse but I'm still waiting for a document before I can start applying for benefits, G.I. Bill for school mostly, but without that paper, I really can't prove that I'm a veteran. I was supposed to get it a month ago after the day I separated but the Separations neglected to do so. Going back to school will have to wait a bit. Perhaps summer or the fall. That should be enough time to completely get situated here, acclimated where everything is, and getting used to this new way of life. I think I might give up my Florida residency soon. I'm keeping it for scholarship purposes, but I'm not really sure if I'd want to live there again. Moving's a pain.
Weekend was good. I met up with Kr- last Saturday. He's someone I've kinda known, spoken to him for a few months, but never actually met him when I lived in Hampton, and he in Williamsburg. It's only 30 mins away but our schedules never coincided. It was good, we were gonna go see Dreamgirls but ended up not going since it was a longer walk from where we were than HE thought. We just walked back to Dupont Circle and went to a pub, Biddy Milligans I believe. We hang around there for a bit, and there I was smiling at a girl again lol. Had some shots of Yager and I was a bit tipsy after just one shot, the buzz felt good though so me like it. Ended up just getting a burger since we didn't know where else to go, and the food wasn't pricey so that was nice. We sat at the bar, and sometime during the evening, I was looking at a guy all the way across the other end of the bar. I thought he looked familiar, but I can't think of where I knew him at first. I was staring at him here and there, and thought that he might have been someone I knew in my military days, but that can't be, not here in all places. On our way out, the guy I was looking at was there smoking and I asked him, Didn't I know you somewhere? Yea, that's something I should really be asking strangers. But sure enough, it was him. I actually had a crush on him once upon a time, but that was cause he used to hug me all the time, and say how they had the cutest bay chief, not sure what the term is in the dormitories but it's the person in charge of the hall. I did roll calls and such, making sure all the people in my bay are accounted for, and that I know where they are if they're not there. But yea, he had a girlfriend and everything so he can't be gay, or so I thought. Not that I'm wishing now that he is. Anyway, we just spoke for a little while but told each other that we'd keep in contact. Kinda sucks how he was homeless, after getting out of the Air Force. I could have offered but it's one of those things. I really didn't know him that well, and with me just being new here in the apartment, it might not bode well with the roommates. Will call DW- though, and see how he's doing at least. He was smoking with this one woman, and I ended up getting her number too. She said she goes to that pub usually on Saturdays, and I should give her a ring if I'm around.
After the pub, we went out to this bar JR's, then to Chaos where they had drag queens performing. It was fun, I also saw someone that I met the week prior but didn't come up to him and say hi. We had a meet and greet a few days ago, since I've talked to him since March 06 but never got a chance to meet him. There were talks of hanging out more, now that I actually live here but we'll have to wait and see. I guess dating can't really be avoided, but oh well, along with it comes games and stuff. I like you, but I'll play it off like I don't. Yea, say let's hang out but never call back. I'm guilty of it myself. I now know how it feels when guys I met wanted to see me again, but I never did. I didn't realize how sucky that must have felt. All I thought was meh, they'll get over it. They'll meet someone better than me. Either that, or I used to think why would they wanna see me again? I'm sure I bored them to death already, and they want more? Oh well, this all got me thinking after meeting Ch-. I've wanted to hang out again but he seemed "busy" so I just let it be. It's been two weeks already! Ah well, he texted earlier this evening if I wanted to hang out Friday. I said yes, though might just speak with him about this tomorrow.
I went to the gym the first time today, after years I think. I had an appointment with a trainer who showed me what machines to use and such. I got lightheaded since I didn't have anything to eat since noon, and I went to the gym at 5. I had to sit in the car for 10 mins before I went home since I can barely move after the session. I'm gonna have to give it some thought whether to get a trainer for a few months, then doing it on my own. Just to get me a headstart, and actually keep at it. Thoughts? My body's fine, but there's room for improvement. Oh, and so my dad will stop ribbing me about the flat stomach that I don't have. He told me to just get defined at least. I see where he's coming from though, he has a back injury and just wants me to take better care of myself. But yea, I saw his pic when he was my age, and I'd have to say, I wanna have that kind of definition. It'll take work, but gotta do it if I want that. I fell asleep right after getting home, I was too weak to even make a sandwich at least. Laid down, and was out before I know it. I slept for about 3 1/2 hours, then woke up and had some peanut butter sandwich, no jam, and dipped it in hot cocoa. Yea yea, my friends say it's gross doing that. It's a Filipino thing. There's a joke how we do that since we wanna make sure the bread is clean. Yea, really funny. I was really picky when I was younger, and people thought I was spoiled because of that. My mom usually prepares something different just for me. I just liked simple things. Ok, I'm letting it known that I used to eat fruits and rice together. Banana, or a ripe mango with rice. I doubt I could do that now but it tasted good. My mom would slice up the mango, then she makes this one pattern on one cheek of the mango (is that the word, cheek?) She'd cut it lengthwise and crosswise, then push it outwards to make it look like a flower. Ah, the good ole days. She's a good mom, though I think I forget that sometimes. She's my complete opposite. People would make comments as to how she managed to raise me. Even my uncle by marriage laughs when he asks her that. She raised a fine young man. Hahaha, I wanna smack people, even her, when she tells me I'm a good son yada yada. Is that an insecurity not wanting to hear about it?
Hope everyone's had a good week so far. I can't wait 'til the weekend though *grins I've become a TGIFer, and I'm liking it. I know my post is kinda all over, but I just let it flow when I sit and write. Isn't that how it should be? It's really hard to pick a topic and write about it. Maybe one day I'll give it a try, oh wait either I do or I don't huh, there is no try. So probably not.. If it ain't broke, why fix it eh?
Tuesday, January 9, 2007
It's a damn cold night...
The new work schedule's been okay so far though this week, I've been having a hard time getting to bed on time. And with that, I mean getting eight hours of sleep. I had maybe two the day before, yesterday about five, and tonight another two more than likely since I try to get up at 5 am with the new schedule. With the one I was working this past month, I come in at 0830 and leave at 1700, but now, I do 0600-1530. I certainly prefer the earlier one, getting to see the sun at least when I leave for the day. It made me smile the first time when I was walking to the bus stop that will take me home. Going up the escalators, and seeing the sun beaming made me glad.
Monday, I actually considered going down to DC after work, to walk around a bit, then go drinking. One guy e-mailed about getting together for drinks, but I didn't call him that day to say yay or nay. I wasn't feeling too well so just thought I'd go home first, then go from there if I feel a bit better. Made it close to home, though I got off a few blocks down to pick up some oatmeal and get a haircut as well. It looks like I'm gonna have to get one once a month, since around three weeks or so, the sides grow out and I would be sporting an afro if I let it be. I think I'm just going to grow the top out like I used to, and not shave my head again, which I seem to do whenever I see/visit my cousin Nani. I shaved it the first time when she visited me in Japan, then left it alone for about two and a half years, then having it cut off few weeks before I came back to the U.S. She thinks it's sexier, but oh well, it's my hair and I should do what I please. On the walk home, figured I'd call my friend CG a call and say hi. He called a couple of days ago but I let the voicemail pick up since I was already in bed....with ted (kidding). Well, not Ted but Ch-. Someone that I had dinner with Thursday. We didn't get to meet 'til around 9:30 pm, and he lived like 30 mins away and I was too tired to drive back around midnight. We just started e-mailing each other on the 2nd, and met up with on the 4th. I'd just say it's dinner since I don't like calling it a date somehow. Ever since I started meeting with guys, I just call it hanging out or having dinner, instead of saying I'm going on a date. This was last Thursday though, and I haven't seen him ever since. There's a talk of catching a movie sometime so will see how that'll go. As one blogger is aware, I have a habit of not seeing the same guy twice. But I'm trying to work on that, thanks K *winks
After I got home, got on yahoo and ended up chatting with D- again. I really haven't chatted with him after we met, we've spoken a few times on the phone but that was that. Just got caught up a little with what's been going on in our lives, and we talked about the stay again. Same stuff from Friday that I mentioned, and some extra things, that he hugged me from behind when I was sleeping which really got me. Ugh, I guess I did/do like him since I've written about him a few times now. We talked about meeting up again, but this time, it'll be his turn as we agreed upon when we just started talking.
I wasn't up for drinking Monday, so just did the laundry and got rid of more little things. I'm such a packrat and trying to break out of it. I don't have much space really, so the more space, the better. Just watched Strangers with Candy again, not that I haven't seen it before but Jerri never fails to make me laugh. With my failed attempt to sleep, I ended up watching Friends with Money as Matt mentioned in his blog. I did like the movie, and it certainly rings true with friends talking about each other about the one that's not there. I certainly am guilty :-) It's weird how one character has so much anger that she snaps just about with anything. It's insane if you ask me, but some people do just that. Walking around with all these anger. Of course, I feel bad for them but still, it's gotta be rough for some. Well with the character, it was due to hormones with her getting older and stuff. Now I could kinda see how my mom was the way she was. Ugh, you can spill water and instead of just letting me wipe it off as if nothing happened, she would go on a tirade going all the way back to when she met my dad somehow. Never fails. I guess I still harbor some resentment for things since I would not have brought that up if I didn't. Oh well, I'm a work in progress and always will be. I'm glad I saw the movie, you should too. Thanks Matty.
Tuesday I woke up late again which I hate. I hate rushing to get ready for any events, that it leaves a bad taste to me all day. I ty to shake it off, but I don't feel right completely. Usually I get up about an hour before I have to leave, giving me enough time to get ready, and then just do nothing. My mom used to comment about it but I didn't pay her any mind. Guess it's the phlegmatic in me. I like taking my time doing things. I ended up driving today since I missed the bus, and with it being the first time I drove to work, I went to the wrong garage. I went to the Permit Parking when I should have gone to the Visitor Parking since I really didn't have a monthly pass or anything. Got lost too in the garage, trying to find my car. I just had to laugh at myself. Even the security guard was probably chuckling, watching me walk all over trying to figure out where my car was supposed to be. Well, found it and here I am.
Haven't been feeling too well so ended up napping. It was nice doing so, though now it's pay back by me being up this late. Gotta try to get some sleep though, since three hours to go before I have to leave for work. I don't know why this is happening, it's not that I have had things in my mind lately. I try not to overthink things anymore, just accept it for what it is. I'll find friends when the right time comes, though I sure miss having friends around. The ones I made in Hampton, not sure where those are going. Eventhough I live only three hours way, I don't think I'll muster up enough energy to make that drive. Just don't see the point, and I need to focus on the now. Try to explore more of where I am, though I sure wish my friends were here. I was trying to get my mil buddies to move here, but that's probably not gonna happen. They say they prefer the West Coast, but really I can't tell what the difference is. Maybe one day, I'll figure it out but right now, I'm good where I am.
The heater for the apartment's broken right now, but I have a portable heater so it's noo too bad. Funny how I kinda wished Ch- was here with me even after I've only met him once. I'm getting to a point where I wanna have somebody to share..
It's a damn cold night trying to figure out this life
Wont you take me by the hand take me somewhere new
I don't know who you are but I'm with you...
Monday, I actually considered going down to DC after work, to walk around a bit, then go drinking. One guy e-mailed about getting together for drinks, but I didn't call him that day to say yay or nay. I wasn't feeling too well so just thought I'd go home first, then go from there if I feel a bit better. Made it close to home, though I got off a few blocks down to pick up some oatmeal and get a haircut as well. It looks like I'm gonna have to get one once a month, since around three weeks or so, the sides grow out and I would be sporting an afro if I let it be. I think I'm just going to grow the top out like I used to, and not shave my head again, which I seem to do whenever I see/visit my cousin Nani. I shaved it the first time when she visited me in Japan, then left it alone for about two and a half years, then having it cut off few weeks before I came back to the U.S. She thinks it's sexier, but oh well, it's my hair and I should do what I please. On the walk home, figured I'd call my friend CG a call and say hi. He called a couple of days ago but I let the voicemail pick up since I was already in bed....with ted (kidding). Well, not Ted but Ch-. Someone that I had dinner with Thursday. We didn't get to meet 'til around 9:30 pm, and he lived like 30 mins away and I was too tired to drive back around midnight. We just started e-mailing each other on the 2nd, and met up with on the 4th. I'd just say it's dinner since I don't like calling it a date somehow. Ever since I started meeting with guys, I just call it hanging out or having dinner, instead of saying I'm going on a date. This was last Thursday though, and I haven't seen him ever since. There's a talk of catching a movie sometime so will see how that'll go. As one blogger is aware, I have a habit of not seeing the same guy twice. But I'm trying to work on that, thanks K *winks
After I got home, got on yahoo and ended up chatting with D- again. I really haven't chatted with him after we met, we've spoken a few times on the phone but that was that. Just got caught up a little with what's been going on in our lives, and we talked about the stay again. Same stuff from Friday that I mentioned, and some extra things, that he hugged me from behind when I was sleeping which really got me. Ugh, I guess I did/do like him since I've written about him a few times now. We talked about meeting up again, but this time, it'll be his turn as we agreed upon when we just started talking.
I wasn't up for drinking Monday, so just did the laundry and got rid of more little things. I'm such a packrat and trying to break out of it. I don't have much space really, so the more space, the better. Just watched Strangers with Candy again, not that I haven't seen it before but Jerri never fails to make me laugh. With my failed attempt to sleep, I ended up watching Friends with Money as Matt mentioned in his blog. I did like the movie, and it certainly rings true with friends talking about each other about the one that's not there. I certainly am guilty :-) It's weird how one character has so much anger that she snaps just about with anything. It's insane if you ask me, but some people do just that. Walking around with all these anger. Of course, I feel bad for them but still, it's gotta be rough for some. Well with the character, it was due to hormones with her getting older and stuff. Now I could kinda see how my mom was the way she was. Ugh, you can spill water and instead of just letting me wipe it off as if nothing happened, she would go on a tirade going all the way back to when she met my dad somehow. Never fails. I guess I still harbor some resentment for things since I would not have brought that up if I didn't. Oh well, I'm a work in progress and always will be. I'm glad I saw the movie, you should too. Thanks Matty.
Tuesday I woke up late again which I hate. I hate rushing to get ready for any events, that it leaves a bad taste to me all day. I ty to shake it off, but I don't feel right completely. Usually I get up about an hour before I have to leave, giving me enough time to get ready, and then just do nothing. My mom used to comment about it but I didn't pay her any mind. Guess it's the phlegmatic in me. I like taking my time doing things. I ended up driving today since I missed the bus, and with it being the first time I drove to work, I went to the wrong garage. I went to the Permit Parking when I should have gone to the Visitor Parking since I really didn't have a monthly pass or anything. Got lost too in the garage, trying to find my car. I just had to laugh at myself. Even the security guard was probably chuckling, watching me walk all over trying to figure out where my car was supposed to be. Well, found it and here I am.
Haven't been feeling too well so ended up napping. It was nice doing so, though now it's pay back by me being up this late. Gotta try to get some sleep though, since three hours to go before I have to leave for work. I don't know why this is happening, it's not that I have had things in my mind lately. I try not to overthink things anymore, just accept it for what it is. I'll find friends when the right time comes, though I sure miss having friends around. The ones I made in Hampton, not sure where those are going. Eventhough I live only three hours way, I don't think I'll muster up enough energy to make that drive. Just don't see the point, and I need to focus on the now. Try to explore more of where I am, though I sure wish my friends were here. I was trying to get my mil buddies to move here, but that's probably not gonna happen. They say they prefer the West Coast, but really I can't tell what the difference is. Maybe one day, I'll figure it out but right now, I'm good where I am.
The heater for the apartment's broken right now, but I have a portable heater so it's noo too bad. Funny how I kinda wished Ch- was here with me even after I've only met him once. I'm getting to a point where I wanna have somebody to share..
It's a damn cold night trying to figure out this life
Wont you take me by the hand take me somewhere new
I don't know who you are but I'm with you...
Saturday, January 6, 2007
Even if
I'm lounging here in a long sleeve tee, and my boxer brief and socks on though I'm gonna take the socks off when I go to bed. I can't just sleep with my socks on, never has, and probably never will. I just got back from Bethesda after seeing The Good German. It was a good movie, though it was something I would not have seen by myself otherwise. This was actually my first time going to Maryland since moving here a month ago. Bethesda's about 40 mins away by car and eventhough I've been hearing good things about Bethesda, I haven't made it a point of going there yet. Until tonight. It's a nice area, and I would have stayed longer if I was in a drinking mood. I planned on going out after catching the movie, but was too tired when we stepped out that I just decided to call it a night.
It's been good here at my new place, and I finally got to talk more with the girl roommate today. Come to find out, she's actually Filipina so I thought that was neat. Looks like we'll get along okay, (even with her boyfriend who's a big Ranma fan, yay!), and it just made me glad when I had one of those moments when I thought to myself, I'm glad I'm here. We're still trying to get the apartment set-up to look like a home, instead of a crack house look it once was couple of weeks ago. Empty living room, and we pretty much just come to eat and sleep. I'm still trying to purge of excess things which I have yet to do, but will in due time.
Work's actually been good but this week's just been bleh. Am not really sure if it's because of something that happened at the beginning of it. You know, how they say if your Monday didn't turn out right, the rest of the week wouldn't either. I've made a mistake and it's something that kinda bit me in the ass. It's been fun since a few days before New Year's, I actually went out to the club, met new people, and hang out with some friends. I let something happen however, and with that, I've made and lost friends in the process, in a span of 72 hours. (I will write more about this later). Friday got the best of me, and I seriously just wanted to get drunk after leaving work. With one guy leaving, he was slacking off his last day, and I had to take care of one of the jobs assigned to him, and answer the phones. With my present job, we get calls througout the US and some callers can be trying with one's patience. I'm pretty patient though at times, people set out to just ruin someone else's day. I know they don't set out to do that, but that's what some customers do. Though some callers actually had me bust out laughing so I guess it gets all balanced out, the ying and yang if you will, or maybe it's just something I tell myself.
After getting off work, I ended up just going home first then considered going out afterwards. I got mayonnaise on my shirt and pants and I had a messenger bag on, and so I wanted to get refreshed and not have anything with me when I go out. So caught the bus home, and logged on for a bit, and few minutes after, a message from D- came in which surprised me. D-, as some of you would know, was the guy I met last winter. We've only spoken a few times after that meeting, mostly me giving him a call, but we never talked on messenger ever since. I guess I still have feelings for him, but that could never be since he lives in Europe anyways. Just caught up on some things, but it was nice to hear him say that he missed me and he keeps thinking about the time I was in London. He apologized also since we didn't get to do any sightseeing during my stay, since he said he was worrying over some things back home. I'm just glad to talk to him I suppose, and there were talks of him visiting soon. We had an agreement that he'd visit me after I visit him, and he's yet to fulfill his end of the bargain. It'll be nice to see him again, though sometimes I wonder if it would have been better to just leave things as they were, and have those three days a memory in the past. Can't say it's love really, but we do like each other, or it's just lust, as my friend (hater) said it was. Will just have to see how this goes, though won't keep my hopes up too much so I just wouldn't get disappointed if he ends up not coming. This made me glad.
It's been a new year though I have yet to write down my thoughts and wishes for this year and the year that passed. Well, I've been thinking it but just need to jot them down. My dad said it's better to see your plans in writing, instead of just thinking them. Maybe I'll reflect back on 2006 one of these days...or not. Though this year, I'm gonna try to post more than I did this past year. It's funny how I told myself that a year ago and look where it got me. But still, I'll just have to start doing it, taking some action instead of just wishing.
So much has happened this past month, been good mostly though the loneliness gets the best of me from time to time. Trying to meet new people, making friends in the process, and the effort it takes seems to be too much sometimes. With it came self-doubt, and questioning your worth. I thought I've grown more than that, yet when I thought someone was gonna bail out on me, all these self-defeating things just crept in. I thought how I'm not even worth of getting a call telling me what happened, thinking what's wrong with me that people would do such a thing? It turned out good though, got to hang out with J- and he showed me around the area a bit :) Ok, I just had a moment and was gonna write it down, but it left me. Oh, maybe it's that we owe ourselves to be happy? That we can't let others control our emotions on any given day? I forgot where I read it but it's something to the effect of how people can't really make us happy or sad, since they really don't. Nobody can make me happy but me. Well, it's true to an extent but people sure bring me some happiness. I don't think I would have made it those far without them, family, friends, even strangers, some I've only touched shoulders with, and some that became friends. It takes time, but you can always get someone to love you, even if you have to do it yourself.
It's been good here at my new place, and I finally got to talk more with the girl roommate today. Come to find out, she's actually Filipina so I thought that was neat. Looks like we'll get along okay, (even with her boyfriend who's a big Ranma fan, yay!), and it just made me glad when I had one of those moments when I thought to myself, I'm glad I'm here. We're still trying to get the apartment set-up to look like a home, instead of a crack house look it once was couple of weeks ago. Empty living room, and we pretty much just come to eat and sleep. I'm still trying to purge of excess things which I have yet to do, but will in due time.
Work's actually been good but this week's just been bleh. Am not really sure if it's because of something that happened at the beginning of it. You know, how they say if your Monday didn't turn out right, the rest of the week wouldn't either. I've made a mistake and it's something that kinda bit me in the ass. It's been fun since a few days before New Year's, I actually went out to the club, met new people, and hang out with some friends. I let something happen however, and with that, I've made and lost friends in the process, in a span of 72 hours. (I will write more about this later). Friday got the best of me, and I seriously just wanted to get drunk after leaving work. With one guy leaving, he was slacking off his last day, and I had to take care of one of the jobs assigned to him, and answer the phones. With my present job, we get calls througout the US and some callers can be trying with one's patience. I'm pretty patient though at times, people set out to just ruin someone else's day. I know they don't set out to do that, but that's what some customers do. Though some callers actually had me bust out laughing so I guess it gets all balanced out, the ying and yang if you will, or maybe it's just something I tell myself.
After getting off work, I ended up just going home first then considered going out afterwards. I got mayonnaise on my shirt and pants and I had a messenger bag on, and so I wanted to get refreshed and not have anything with me when I go out. So caught the bus home, and logged on for a bit, and few minutes after, a message from D- came in which surprised me. D-, as some of you would know, was the guy I met last winter. We've only spoken a few times after that meeting, mostly me giving him a call, but we never talked on messenger ever since. I guess I still have feelings for him, but that could never be since he lives in Europe anyways. Just caught up on some things, but it was nice to hear him say that he missed me and he keeps thinking about the time I was in London. He apologized also since we didn't get to do any sightseeing during my stay, since he said he was worrying over some things back home. I'm just glad to talk to him I suppose, and there were talks of him visiting soon. We had an agreement that he'd visit me after I visit him, and he's yet to fulfill his end of the bargain. It'll be nice to see him again, though sometimes I wonder if it would have been better to just leave things as they were, and have those three days a memory in the past. Can't say it's love really, but we do like each other, or it's just lust, as my friend (hater) said it was. Will just have to see how this goes, though won't keep my hopes up too much so I just wouldn't get disappointed if he ends up not coming. This made me glad.
It's been a new year though I have yet to write down my thoughts and wishes for this year and the year that passed. Well, I've been thinking it but just need to jot them down. My dad said it's better to see your plans in writing, instead of just thinking them. Maybe I'll reflect back on 2006 one of these days...or not. Though this year, I'm gonna try to post more than I did this past year. It's funny how I told myself that a year ago and look where it got me. But still, I'll just have to start doing it, taking some action instead of just wishing.
So much has happened this past month, been good mostly though the loneliness gets the best of me from time to time. Trying to meet new people, making friends in the process, and the effort it takes seems to be too much sometimes. With it came self-doubt, and questioning your worth. I thought I've grown more than that, yet when I thought someone was gonna bail out on me, all these self-defeating things just crept in. I thought how I'm not even worth of getting a call telling me what happened, thinking what's wrong with me that people would do such a thing? It turned out good though, got to hang out with J- and he showed me around the area a bit :) Ok, I just had a moment and was gonna write it down, but it left me. Oh, maybe it's that we owe ourselves to be happy? That we can't let others control our emotions on any given day? I forgot where I read it but it's something to the effect of how people can't really make us happy or sad, since they really don't. Nobody can make me happy but me. Well, it's true to an extent but people sure bring me some happiness. I don't think I would have made it those far without them, family, friends, even strangers, some I've only touched shoulders with, and some that became friends. It takes time, but you can always get someone to love you, even if you have to do it yourself.
Wednesday, January 3, 2007
We got to carry each other
Ok, the holidays is finally over and things are back to normal. Not that I've really busy since I didn't go spend it with the family, not being sure where to go exactly. It wasn't too bad though I'd have to say my emotions got the best of me on some days. One moment, I was thinking how it's no big deal that just because it's the holidays, I had to go see the family etc etc. Either that, or Whew, am glad I had a few days off at least.
I really didn't do much on the actual Christmas day. The night before, I went to a midnight mass as I mentioned with some girls [or should I say women] that I just met. Getting to the cathedral after managing to cross the border to Maryland, and turning right back around to get back to DC. I was in three states in less than an hour! Got a free tour of the area, looking at the bright side of things. I didn't get to see Dreamgirls either since the guy I was supposed to go with, cancelled. He's not really my date so it's okay. I'm just trying to find people to be friends with, and I'm trying to be understanding that things happen, which they do. I'm sure if I lived with my parents, then with the grandparents down the block, it can get hectic. Here and there, I'd wish it would have been like that for me now that I'm older, but at the same time, I'm not sure if I can handle that. Who am I kidding? Of course, I can. There'll be drama, but I think that's what families are for. Hahaha. He said, she said, they told me, I heard....With all the things that went on, it never got to me surprisingly. Ok, I digress. I just found an excuse to use that word *grins
So got home from the mass, and I ended up making a video once again. I thought about uploading it since the song has a really good message. It's the song "(I Wish I Knew How It Would Feel To Be) Free/One originally sang by Nina Simone, and remade by Lighthouse Family. It said it was crossed with U2's One though of course, I wouldn't know what they're talking about. Now I do. I just looked up and now see what the cross was. You always learn something new everyday.... After doing about three takes since I didn't know the damn words, I think I went to bed. I might have drunk a little but I don't remember.
Woke up around 8, so that's about 5 hrs of sleep, and there waiting on my phone was a message from D-, which some of you would know was the one I met up with last winter. That made my day [here I was thinking I was over him], it was just nice to know he thought of me though I don't know why felt the need to remind me that he's my italian friend. As if I would forget him *winks Laid around for a bit, then called the family up, and maybe a friend or two, Jim in England and I think that was it. I sent some text messages out but felt lame after that. The things I tell myself I tell ya... I forgot where I read it but I came across something where the author says how we can be too self-critical sometimes. How things we tell ourselves, we would go as far as to hurt somebody if they're the ones who'd say those to our face. Am I making sense? So yea, I felt like a bit of a loser lol. I wish I can just not care, but holidays roll around and I think about people. I wonder how she's been, I wonder what he's doing, ugh. I have too much free time thinking about other people.
Listened to some christmas songs, then took a moment to write some greeting cards. It's better late than never. There's this one angel card that I got, and I dunno, it kinda inspired me to send some cards out. I sent one out to a teacher I had when I was a sjenior (get it junior, and senior in one). I've been meaning to write him a letter since I joined the military and I got out and everything, and had yet to do that. It was pretty much a note thanking him for believing in me. I was really quiet in school, as I mentioned in the 100 i's, and so, for people to notice, that makes one glad. With quiet folks, eventhough we're not calling out for attention, it still feels nice to be noticed. Well that man, Commander Lawless, was our JROTC commander when I was in Florida. He called me to his office one time and told me that he's choosing me to be one of the two representatives (I forgot how the slots opened) to the Florida Boys State. I forgot how the slots openedI was thinking oh lord, why'd he pick me? I barely utter a word in class, how in the hell does he think I'll do at that? Well that was after he explained to me what it was about. He explained to me why he thought I was a good fit. For a boy with a not so high self-esteem, it makes a difference, a BIG difference, to actually have someone point out what his qualities are. I just always thought I was okay, ya know, doing what I can to get by. Trying not to brag, but when I was in school, I won a bunch of awards for being in the honor roll, winning some academic competitions, etc etc but I really didn't think much of it. Maybe it was to impress daddy, and get his attention.
Getting back to CDR, he went on and told me how eventhough I was quiet, he can see that I'm digesting everything around me, and some other things. Ok, to be honest I don't remember what else he told me. How I'd make a good leader maybe!? Anyway, what was said doesn't matter too much now. All that matters is that it helped me to start believing in myself more. It's what helped me get through some tough times, getting through basic training and all. I'll write about that one day, with whatever bits and pieces I can recall. Odd how at boot camp, a guy made a comment how I always made him laugh by just being there. Gee thanks, did I look that funny? Another one said how I smiled the whole six weeks we were there, and I really don't recall smiling, let alone that much. Lord, get me through the day!! That's all I remember thinking. Oh by the way, boot camp turns even atheists into church goers. Now you know who he is. He really made a difference in my life, and I figured now would be a good time to let him know that. I'm thinking he might not even remember me, though I'm hoping that he does. I have a feeling he will but even if he doesn't, it wouldn't matter too much. He's touched somebody's life and that's all there is to it. I was crying the whole time I was trying to sum up in a few words how much he's affected me. Did that, and wrote a few other cards, then I was okay again.
One minute, I was like bawling, and next thing ya know, I was laughing like a hyena. Cracking up over some songs, then singing and dancing along to some christmas carols. It's the little things. I'd die if somebody sees these videos I made, yet here I am telling the world I make them. Ok, when I was back in Japan, I didn't realize I stored some pictures on our network. I think I was gonna put it up until I get to send it to my cousin, then just delete it. But that slipped my mind, and come a year and a half later, those pictures bit me in the ass. They were doing a network wide scan for all pictures (that shouldn't be on the shared drives) and lo and behold, that damn scan pulled up those pictures. It was a whole office that saw it, and one of the guys I knew from that shop, called me over and said he wanted to show me something. I head over to their office, and there up on the screen was one of my pics. I just stood there, and was embarrassed to death. The 'warm' feeling that came over me, well more like hot while I stood there in disbelief that these folks saw my pictures. Ok, it was kinda girly. I'd say kinda gay, but let's not forget I am one already hahaha. But yea, you got a 20-yr old "soldier" blowing kisses to the camera, and pouting his lips, holding a peace sign with his fingers. After that happened, people I've never spoken to knew me as the guy 'in those pictures."
I'm sharing the song coz who wouldn't wish they knew how it would feel to be free
I wish I knew How it would Feel to be free I wish I could break All the chains holding me
I wish I could say All the things that I should say Say 'em loud Say 'em clear For the whole Wide world to hear
I wish I could share All the love that's In my heart Remove all the bars That keep us apart
And I wish you could know How it feels to be me Then you'd see and agree That every man Should be free
I wish I could be like A bird in the sky How sweet it would be If I found I could fly
Well I'd soar to the sun and Look down at the sea And I'd sing 'Cause I'd know How it feels to be free
I wish I knew How it would Feel to be free I wish I could break All the chains holding me
And I wish I could say All the things that I wanna say Say 'em loud Say 'em clear
For the whole Wide world to hear
Say 'em loud Say 'em clear For the whole Wide world to hear
Say 'em loud Say 'em clear For the whole Wide world to hear
One love One blood One life You got to do What you should
One life With each other Sisters Brothers
One life But we're not the same We get to carry each other
Carry each other
Woah, woah, woah, woah
I wish I knew How it would Feel to be free
I wish I knew How it would Feel to be free
I really didn't do much on the actual Christmas day. The night before, I went to a midnight mass as I mentioned with some girls [or should I say women] that I just met. Getting to the cathedral after managing to cross the border to Maryland, and turning right back around to get back to DC. I was in three states in less than an hour! Got a free tour of the area, looking at the bright side of things. I didn't get to see Dreamgirls either since the guy I was supposed to go with, cancelled. He's not really my date so it's okay. I'm just trying to find people to be friends with, and I'm trying to be understanding that things happen, which they do. I'm sure if I lived with my parents, then with the grandparents down the block, it can get hectic. Here and there, I'd wish it would have been like that for me now that I'm older, but at the same time, I'm not sure if I can handle that. Who am I kidding? Of course, I can. There'll be drama, but I think that's what families are for. Hahaha. He said, she said, they told me, I heard....With all the things that went on, it never got to me surprisingly. Ok, I digress. I just found an excuse to use that word *grins
So got home from the mass, and I ended up making a video once again. I thought about uploading it since the song has a really good message. It's the song "(I Wish I Knew How It Would Feel To Be) Free/One originally sang by Nina Simone, and remade by Lighthouse Family. It said it was crossed with U2's One though of course, I wouldn't know what they're talking about. Now I do. I just looked up and now see what the cross was. You always learn something new everyday.... After doing about three takes since I didn't know the damn words, I think I went to bed. I might have drunk a little but I don't remember.
Woke up around 8, so that's about 5 hrs of sleep, and there waiting on my phone was a message from D-, which some of you would know was the one I met up with last winter. That made my day [here I was thinking I was over him], it was just nice to know he thought of me though I don't know why felt the need to remind me that he's my italian friend. As if I would forget him *winks Laid around for a bit, then called the family up, and maybe a friend or two, Jim in England and I think that was it. I sent some text messages out but felt lame after that. The things I tell myself I tell ya... I forgot where I read it but I came across something where the author says how we can be too self-critical sometimes. How things we tell ourselves, we would go as far as to hurt somebody if they're the ones who'd say those to our face. Am I making sense? So yea, I felt like a bit of a loser lol. I wish I can just not care, but holidays roll around and I think about people. I wonder how she's been, I wonder what he's doing, ugh. I have too much free time thinking about other people.
Listened to some christmas songs, then took a moment to write some greeting cards. It's better late than never. There's this one angel card that I got, and I dunno, it kinda inspired me to send some cards out. I sent one out to a teacher I had when I was a sjenior (get it junior, and senior in one). I've been meaning to write him a letter since I joined the military and I got out and everything, and had yet to do that. It was pretty much a note thanking him for believing in me. I was really quiet in school, as I mentioned in the 100 i's, and so, for people to notice, that makes one glad. With quiet folks, eventhough we're not calling out for attention, it still feels nice to be noticed. Well that man, Commander Lawless, was our JROTC commander when I was in Florida. He called me to his office one time and told me that he's choosing me to be one of the two representatives (I forgot how the slots opened) to the Florida Boys State. I forgot how the slots openedI was thinking oh lord, why'd he pick me? I barely utter a word in class, how in the hell does he think I'll do at that? Well that was after he explained to me what it was about. He explained to me why he thought I was a good fit. For a boy with a not so high self-esteem, it makes a difference, a BIG difference, to actually have someone point out what his qualities are. I just always thought I was okay, ya know, doing what I can to get by. Trying not to brag, but when I was in school, I won a bunch of awards for being in the honor roll, winning some academic competitions, etc etc but I really didn't think much of it. Maybe it was to impress daddy, and get his attention.
Getting back to CDR, he went on and told me how eventhough I was quiet, he can see that I'm digesting everything around me, and some other things. Ok, to be honest I don't remember what else he told me. How I'd make a good leader maybe!? Anyway, what was said doesn't matter too much now. All that matters is that it helped me to start believing in myself more. It's what helped me get through some tough times, getting through basic training and all. I'll write about that one day, with whatever bits and pieces I can recall. Odd how at boot camp, a guy made a comment how I always made him laugh by just being there. Gee thanks, did I look that funny? Another one said how I smiled the whole six weeks we were there, and I really don't recall smiling, let alone that much. Lord, get me through the day!! That's all I remember thinking. Oh by the way, boot camp turns even atheists into church goers. Now you know who he is. He really made a difference in my life, and I figured now would be a good time to let him know that. I'm thinking he might not even remember me, though I'm hoping that he does. I have a feeling he will but even if he doesn't, it wouldn't matter too much. He's touched somebody's life and that's all there is to it. I was crying the whole time I was trying to sum up in a few words how much he's affected me. Did that, and wrote a few other cards, then I was okay again.
One minute, I was like bawling, and next thing ya know, I was laughing like a hyena. Cracking up over some songs, then singing and dancing along to some christmas carols. It's the little things. I'd die if somebody sees these videos I made, yet here I am telling the world I make them. Ok, when I was back in Japan, I didn't realize I stored some pictures on our network. I think I was gonna put it up until I get to send it to my cousin, then just delete it. But that slipped my mind, and come a year and a half later, those pictures bit me in the ass. They were doing a network wide scan for all pictures (that shouldn't be on the shared drives) and lo and behold, that damn scan pulled up those pictures. It was a whole office that saw it, and one of the guys I knew from that shop, called me over and said he wanted to show me something. I head over to their office, and there up on the screen was one of my pics. I just stood there, and was embarrassed to death. The 'warm' feeling that came over me, well more like hot while I stood there in disbelief that these folks saw my pictures. Ok, it was kinda girly. I'd say kinda gay, but let's not forget I am one already hahaha. But yea, you got a 20-yr old "soldier" blowing kisses to the camera, and pouting his lips, holding a peace sign with his fingers. After that happened, people I've never spoken to knew me as the guy 'in those pictures."
I'm sharing the song coz who wouldn't wish they knew how it would feel to be free
I wish I knew How it would Feel to be free I wish I could break All the chains holding me
I wish I could say All the things that I should say Say 'em loud Say 'em clear For the whole Wide world to hear
I wish I could share All the love that's In my heart Remove all the bars That keep us apart
And I wish you could know How it feels to be me Then you'd see and agree That every man Should be free
I wish I could be like A bird in the sky How sweet it would be If I found I could fly
Well I'd soar to the sun and Look down at the sea And I'd sing 'Cause I'd know How it feels to be free
I wish I knew How it would Feel to be free I wish I could break All the chains holding me
And I wish I could say All the things that I wanna say Say 'em loud Say 'em clear
For the whole Wide world to hear
Say 'em loud Say 'em clear For the whole Wide world to hear
Say 'em loud Say 'em clear For the whole Wide world to hear
One love One blood One life You got to do What you should
One life With each other Sisters Brothers
One life But we're not the same We get to carry each other
Carry each other
Woah, woah, woah, woah
I wish I knew How it would Feel to be free
I wish I knew How it would Feel to be free
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