a followup to check my blood pressure. It has been high even before so
I've had to adjust my diet and stuff. And now, doing the same since it
was still pretty high when they checked it few weeks ago. Been eating
more veggies, and was eating oatmeal for breakfast for a while but I
guess it could only do so much. Incorporating the working out since I
don't actually go everyday like I ought to.
I'm not working at the moment since I took a week off before I start a
new job next week. It was a bit crazy my last week since I had to
write documentations and train my coworker to get spun up on what I
do. It's nice though, been relaxing and watching Six Feet Under.
Funny that the other day, while laying on the couch and the dog,
sleeping right by the edge, there's this feeling that just came over
me. I got to thinking about this creature laying there who's pretty
much there for me to take care of for who knows how long. It was odd
for me since the dog wasn't really my idea and on my bad days, I'll
admit I get annoyed having him around. But it just me thinking about
the day I have kids you know!? How when I have one, I'll have a mini-
me walking around the earth for me to love and take care of. How there
will be this person who will depend on me 100% and I in return would
give everything that I could, mainly love, will try to limit on the
material things though. For a sec, all I felt for the dog was love
that it almost made me cry. I dunno why I can't just admit to myself
that I've come to love it, especially when he just looks up with his
brown eyes when he wants me to play with him or just give him some
time. It's making me aware that when I have kids, there would be no
turning back. Well actually there is but I'm not gonna do that.
I know from experience what it's like growing up with one parent
missing and it's not a great feeling. I can say I'm used to it which I
am but on some days, I'm like goddamn, I spent my whole life without a
dad and I remember how crappy I felt about it on some days. I'm not
saying having both parents with you is the recipe of being a normal
person, but then you've got kids who grew up with both that's more
effed up than I would ever be so I guess it's a combination of things
mainly. I guess I got lucky and had a loving family, or I just made
choices that benefitted me rather than ruining me. I can say well I
grew up without a father if I would have ended up doing drugs or
whatever but I'll know that it was my choices that brought me to
whatever it is I'm in. Maybe it's luck, maybe it's strength, or
clinging to this hope that things will get better which they did. Damn
dog for making me think :D
