Tell me life is beautiful

The day I made this video, some guy I was supposed to meet stood me up and eventhough you try not to let those things get to you sometimes, you can't help it. It bruised my ego a little but sometimes, I try not to let things get to me since like from the some books I've read, it told me not take anything personally. Sometimes, people do or say things that hurt us to an extent but we have to remember it has nothing to do with us.

Anyways, I just laugh about that day now when I think about it. I make little videos sometimes to, I don't know, remind myself of a certain day or time in my life. Like this video, I made me it when I was feeling down, and it helped cheer me up. Sometimes, we just need to do things, no matter how small they are, to get us out of the dumps. A little dancing or singing, reading comics like Snoopy or Dilbert, eating a bowl of ice cream, it doesn't matter. But sometimes, there are days when you can't do anything but just ride through the emotions. I was going through stuff the other day and could barely break out a smile, yet somehow people I came across were all trying to make me smile or laugh. Did I pay attention? Of course, not. I think that was a way life's telling me to be happy coz we really ought to be.

Pardon the actual singing in some parts but I'm sure you all do it too. I don't have a Mac to do all that fancy editing. Maybe I'd be happy if I got one. Just kidding..Hoping everyone a great day and the weekend ahead *smile

A weekend friendship

Going back to Friday before last, P- and I made plans to meet up but I had a feeling it wasn't gonna happen. That was the day that the funeral was going to be held and I knew that he was gonna be tied up eventhough it wasn't a member of his family. I think I just did laundry and watched tv or movies, I don't remember now.

Saturday, just ran some errands and hang around the house mostly. It was my lazy day since I really didn't feel like going out either. Though I think P- called and ended up just leaving a message. I called him back not 'til later in the evening and just chatted briefly since they were out and about in the city. Agreed to speak with him tomorrow and see if we can at least hang out since it's his last day in DC.

I didn't fall asleep 'til about 5 am so I woke up around 11 am. Did I go to the gym on the weekend? Absolutely not, eventhough I was "supposed to." It's funny how I still think it's taking away some "me" time when I go to the gym. I used to go to Waffle House on a Sunday and just have a full breakfast, sunny side up eggs, toast, waffles and hot cocoa.. Mann, it is goood! Well I looked up where the closest one can be, and much to my dismay, the nearest one was 20 miles away. I'm a man who loves the Waffle House, but i really didn't feel like driving 40 minutes that day to just get some waffles since I sure would be hungry by the time I get back. There was an IHop a mile away so figured I'll go to that one instead. After I got on my car, phone rang and it was P- asking what I was doing. Told him how I was wanting waffles that day, etc though I really didn't ask him if he'd want to tag along since he's like 30 mins away. During the course of the convo, we ended up agreeing of just meeting in the Dupont area and find a waffle place.

I drove to DC, during which I was really hungry. However, I have a stash of Chips Ahoy in my car so that staved off the hunger for a bit. It was such a lovely day. The sun is out shining, though the wind's blowing a bit strong. What a waste of driving time if I don't sing along to some songs. So put on the Fever album by Kylie, and I was jamming. It's a great pop album eventhough it's been five years since it came out. I was joining the Air Force at that time. Her CD was the first thing I heard in the morning since it was my alarm. Here's that song Fragile since I know someONE has never listened to Kylie. Give it a listen ok? I'm a sucker for pop, well pretty much Kylie or the Spice Girls, choreographies and everything. Of course, i cringe when the family teases me about dancing around to the Spice Girls back in the days. I'm kinda embarrassed sometimes to think I even danced in class and that's what some people remember the most in my sophomore year.

Got to DC though ended up not meeting with P- and the other guy 'til about an hour and a half after the agreed time. I was so hungry I stopped by Krispy Kreme and got some glazed donuts which is H-E-A-V-E-N. I didn't tell P- though 'til later on though. After finally meeting, we walked around the Dupont Circle and settled at a Thai place. The food was great, and the prices are reasonable that I came back the next day and ate the exact same thing :D It was nice, just sitting there talking and laughing, well they mostly did the talking. I didn't realize I was being quiet but apparently I was a little bit. But then, that's not always the case. I can be talkative in some times but I guess it just depends on who I'm with. I just thought about it since some guy at the bar a day later made the same comment how I'm so quiet. I tend to be I think in a group setting. Even if it's just three, it can be too much sometimes which I don't like by the way, since it's an odd number. Someone's bound to feel left out, that's how I feel! But then, it's usually me haha. My friends used to tell me not to think I'm a third wheel when they take me with them like if one of them is meeting his gf. Sooo getting back to the restaurant, oh I remember the other guy's middle name at least. I have a Lee t-shirt and he was talking about wanting to get one since that's his middle name. It is a nice t-shirt though I think it was what gave me away to my brother last year. The way I dress was brought up when we had a conversation about me being gay. Did I ever tell ya guys he knows now? Has since that reunion last year. It was a fun time, tricking P- into eating wasabi all by itself. Me and Lee had a kick out of that one. Lee was a cool guy when he's sober.

After having our meal at the Thai place, we made our way to starbucks to warm up a little since it was cold eventhough it was sunny. I was wearing a spring jacket which didn't help much but hey, I like that jacket. I didn't think I'll ever get a military-inspired one and yet here I am. It's starting to become a favorite of mine. Still second to this one. Pardon that it's almost too close to my face. That was my mom's last day in Japan (T_T) I'm gonna have to write down the message on the jacket since it is what kinda won me over.

We made our way out to Georgetown and ended up watching I Think I Love My Wife which I surprisingly liked. It is funny after all, eventhough I didn't like it seeing the previews for it. P- was paying for the movie so I didn't mind. After the movie ended, we dropped Lee off since he was going to go meet up with a friend for drinks. I told P- I'd probably make my way back to the house after that but that didn't happen. He asked me if I wouldn't mind staying for a little bit longer and check out the party he was invited to. My inside is screaming NO since groups exhaust me sometimes, but figured what the heck, just go and break out of the shell Kris. Which I did, though it really wasn't a party. It was some group get-together at some bars. Went to the first one, but everybody has left for the second one. Went to the second one, meh it was okay though I'm not making my way back out there again. Pretty much just spent the hour kinda talking to P-, or if not that, just stand by the wall while he dances around. I get too self-conscious in gay bars or gay clubs sometimes but ah well, I just really didn't feel like dancing.

It was a good weekend overall. It was nice meeting good folks like those two at a bar. A bar I would not have gone to if I wasn't feeling a bit down after E-. I haven't spoken to P- since he left though he has sent me an e-mail and left a voicemail over the weekend. He told me he gets busy during the week so I'll wait until this weekend to give him a call. It's good to make new friends, eventhough he's from out of town. It's a progress, soon enough I'll make some local ones which will definitely be nicer in experiencing this town.

I need to get to sleep, four and a half hours and gotta get up again. I don't know why I do this. I had plenty of time to rest, yet going to bed just now. Does this make me a night owl?

He made me smile

Ok, spoke with E- just an hour ago and we won't be seeing each other any longer. Yeouch! It hasn't sunk in yet but during our phone conversation, I was just silent throughout and listened to what he had to say. Due to circumstances on his side, he felt it'll be best to not see me again. Granted, we've only gotten together twice but it was good. That's a first I felt my heart taking it's time beating while I was hearing E-'s words. I was all giddy calling him up and to hear those words after so much anticipation, one can't help not to feel in slow motion. It's a weird feeling but right now, I'm okay. I'll miss seeing him smile, I'll miss tiptoeing so I can kiss him, and I'll miss brushing my fingers through his eyebrows. Yeah, I think I'll miss the boy.

Different faces, the same old town

Most folks I've hang out with are all from out of town. It's a bit odd how Thursday, I was feeling a bit down like I did the week before and all because E- didn't call. Wednesday, the 15th we were supposed to have dinner or something, I'm not even sure anymore but come Thursday, I didn't want to be home so I e-mailed this one guy about possibly volunteering at their organization. At first, he said it was all filled in but ended up telling me to come by arund 6:45 pm. I ended up leaving work later than usual after getting tied up with a user's problem but it was my running day, and I didn't want to skip so I went home instead of just hangingn around DC until then.

It was raining, and for the life of me I don't know why I didn't leave about an hour I was supposed to show rather than 30 mins prior which I did. Come 6:30 and I'm just barely making my way in to DC, and I didn't have the guy's phone number so really can't call him and tell him I won't make it. Well, I got close to where I needed to be, but since my shift was ending in 15 mins, I decided to just make the best of the night and go to happy hour instead. Drove around the Dupont Circle trying to find a parking spot, and I found one though the bar I was planning to go to was about eight blocks away. I got to the bar, and it didn't look like it was open and I was a bit disappointed because of it. Well, it LOOKED like it was close but upon coming up to the door, and giving it a pull, lo and behold there were people inside. Granted I was nervous, but not enough to stop me from drinking. Just enough drinks so I won't think about E-.

So just sat by the bar, and ordered some drinks, singing along to the music videos playing. It felt a bit weird being there by myself, ok, lonely's the more approriate term, but what can a new guy in town really do, ya know? After being there for I think 20-30 minutes, this one guy came up to me and told me how his friend kinda fancied me and how I should join them instead of sitting there all by myself. I was having second thoughts about it, but figured what am I really gonna lose having a drink with them. I pretty much scooted just two stools over and chatted with them. I didn't like the one who wanted to talk to me. He had a bit of a drink and was a bit obnoxious. It made it worse when he told me how he was still trying to make his mind up about me, as if that's gonna make my evening complete if I find out that he did like me. I shrugged off his comment, and just talked to the one that came up to me, P-. We hit it off better, just talking about things, where he grew up, where he's living now, where he went to school, etc. He doesn't actually live here in DC, he lives back in Chicago but came here for his brother's sister-in-law's funeral. He just flew in earlier that day. Ok, it's only been a week and I can't remember the other guy's name anymore, the obnoxious one which is actually pleasant and has a good sense of humor when he's sober.

I ended up talking to P- most of the night, but I really couldn't stay out long with it being a work night and all. Well and the happy hour ended at 9. I told them that I'm probably gonna head out in a moment, and P- asked if I wouldn't mind stopping at this other bar for a little bit before making my way home. I told him I'm not too sure about that, but ended up going anyways. I might not even see him again so just be in it for the experience. We made our way to the second bar but I didn't get any more drinks since I'm gonna have to drive home soon. Just talked some more to P- and later on ended up dialing my phone number on his cell without him knowing. I was feeling a bit bold that evening, and I remember thinking, how we're getting along okay. Pretty soon, we had to go however since his sister and niece were at the bus station in Silver Spring and he would have to pick them up. The other guy was MIA so we made our way downstairs and said our goodbyes, well tried to. We ended up kissing, but not for long since I was insisting he leave so his sister won't be waiting on him for a long time. He was parked just down the road, so I told him to just go and I'll walk to mine which was on the other side of the circle. He wanted to drop me off by my car, but I told him don't worry about it since it's not too far. Well that and I wasn't too sure where I parked either hahaha. All I remember was a church I passed by when I was walking but that's it. I still get confused with the streets.

It was drizzling so I told him fine, he can give me a ride. He sorta forgot where he parked so we were walking around the block with him trying to remember his spot. Just chit-chatted a bit more, and he was telling me how it was good meeting me and such. Instead of saying good meeting him too, I blurted out "Yea, I know." He just started laughing and kidded how I'm so full of myself. I seriously have no idea where that yea i know came from but ah well.

We finally found his car, though it took us 15 mins trying to find mine however. I felt bad since his sister had to wait even longer, but he wouldn't let me get out of the car and just walk around to find mine. He was saying how it wasn't fair, and I just uttered Oh brotherrrr. We finally found my car, so said our goodbye's and how we might see each other later. He wanted to hang out the next day but I knew better that it probably wouldn't happen.

Glad that it's over

Called my mom up since she had her interview at the U.S. Embassy yesterday. She said it lasted a few hours at least, and they were asking too many questions about me. Good news is that she's approved and she'll just have to wait for them to send her passport back. I'm really glad that that process is over at least, and she'll finally get to come. I'm happy about it, though I think it's more of a relief of not having to support them and all. She was telling me how the interviewer was commenting how I was a good son, and all though I kept telling my mom to shut up (in a nice way). I dunno, with me pretty much providing for them this past four years, she keeps thanking me and saying how I'm a good son. Yea, okay I just tell her but thinking yea, like I really have a choice about sending you money every month. Well, I do but it's one of those things I suppose where you really don't want to, but you do anyways. Love? Guilt? I'm not sure sometimes. Eventhough she'll be getting her visa later on this month, she's not gonna leave for the US until early summer after my grandpa's one year death anniversary. I'll write more later on the day since I'm my lunch is just about ever. Just some things that happened. Good things, getting to meet an internet friend I had when I was living in Japan, hanging out with some random guys from the bar, getting to see E- again, bar hopping on a weekday :-) That's two weeks straight where I went for happy hour, it's all goood though. Can't wait to go home and get more sleep. I only slept two hours and maybe should have just called in. Ah well, two hours to go. This feels weird writing this short, this isn't like me but then, who knows how I'll be at any given time.

Potatoe...

I seriously had a brain fart on Thursday when I was volunteering. I signed up to help at the Food and Friends which turned out gooood. I had time to kill since I didn't have to show up until 6, and I get off at 3:30. I just walked around Chinatown for a bit since that was where I was gonna make a transfer to get to where I needed to go. It was actually fun. It lasted for two hours and I helped out in the kitchen cutting up vegetables...celery, peppers, and potatoes. The chef actually showed us a way of cutting up the peppers if you don't want the seeds of it. You cut the top just right before you get to the seeds, then do the same to the sides and to the bottom. Then after that, slice up the pepper however you'd want it.

It was a GLBT volunteer organization I was with and at least it was all guys these time. I thought one was cute but I really didn't get to talk to him since he was in the other table. But then, I really didn't talk much to the guys I was with either. They'd ask questions here and there but as far as contributing to the convo, I didn't say much. I don't do well with group conversations. Towards the end, as we're putting the chopped vegetables away, we were supposed to label it with the date they were cut up and what kind they were. I did the pepper earlier so told the group I'd do the same though as I was getting ready to write down the name, I forgot for a second how to spell potato. I was quiet for a second, but ended up asking the guys how to spell it since one of them was an English teacher. They just started laughing. I didn't talk much yet had them laughing in a few words *grins. Now, they'll remember me as the guy who can't spell since one commented how I'm cute but not a good speller. I can be funny without trying so guess that's a good thing at least. People I've met for the first time tell me I'm funny and that's when I'm not even joking around. Even a personal trainer told me I am funny when I was just lifting in front of her pssshhht..

So that, I got home around 9 and stayed up 'til about 11. Got online for a bit though I haven't gone to any personals and chat but tonight was different. Put my picture up and talked to maybe three people. I don't initiate conversations either since it'll go down the drain, it just does for some reason when I private someone so I just don't. I haven't been getting on like I used to but I get too bored sometimes. Bored where reading a book or watching a movie wouldn't fix. I met up with one Friday eventhough I was planning to go out to the club again. Hang out with him for a few hours. It was nice, we actually had things to talk about and the night prior when we spoke for the first time, there wasn't a moment of silence so that's a good thing. He'll just be in the area 'til next month though but heh, I don't wanna look that far. I'll just take it for what it is and enjoy whatever time we have. E- lives a few states away and working here in the area for a bit.

On the weekend, I ended up going to the mall both days. I wasn't planning to on Sunday but I lost a little notebook I've had for the past four years. It has addresses, phone numbers, just random things that really wouldn't matter to anyone but me, well except for my bank account hahaha I'm glad I got it back though.

I managed to catch a cold yet again so haven't been feeling too good until now. I think it was getting me down somehow and today's been a better day than the past two, that's for sure. I woke up and was even singing getting dressed. Well that's because I got to talk to E- last night too. I didn't call him 'til just last night and was getting all worried.. Mann, the thoughts that goes through one's head sometimes. Why hasn't he called!? Didn't he like me like he said he did!? And to think, I've only seen him once...

After getting off work yesterday, I went to the cemetery as well for a little bit. Yea, so gothic of me like my friend said it. He said it probably won't be such a good idea to go to one to help cheer me up. I think it did me good though, I just went straight for the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier at Arlington Cemetery and hang around for an hour or so. Just sitting there, paying respect and trying my best to shift the focus in something outside myself. A reminder that it's not always about me since sometimes I do forget that it's not.

I felt like dancin, dancin!

I finally got to see a 'concert' for the first time. I found out last week that Scissor Sisters were playing here in D.C. over the weekend. Of course, it was sold out since the tickets have probably been on sale for a few weeks, or maybe months in advance. I really wanted to go since Rey has seen them sometime last year and mentioned how good their show was.

I looked around in Craigslist and found someone who was selling his tickets, for a price I came to find out later on was twice as much. It was sooo worth it, their show was just energetic and had me dancing and singing along, eventhough I wasn't drunk anymore. I just sang along to songs from their first CD since I really haven't listened to their new one. I've known about them for maybe two and a half years now, and listened to them just about daily when my mom was in Japan. I had a 10-minute commute to work since I pretty much lived right outside the base, and every morning on my way to work, would play It Can't Come Quickly Enough. I played Take Your Mama, of course to my mom, tryna tell her that you know, but yea she probably thought I was joking. I even have a vid singing along to it while taking a break from cleaning while she filmed me. I can probably share some with me and her just goofing off, but then just random strangers would see them, what to do, what to do. I sure miss her sometimes but she doesn't need to know that. I don't even remember where I got it from, but I called her filthy whore as a term of endearment. And I used to go around the house and say in deep voice "Gusto ko babae!" (I want a woman!) but yea, she just laughs since she know what's up. I'm just sitting here smiling, remembering.

Her interview is in two weeks by the way, though once approved, she'll wait 'til after my grandad's one-year death anniversary before she leaves. Such a devotion to her parents. I think I take after her traits more than I admit, she's the one who remembers all the birthdays, the important 'dates' which I do too but silently in my heart and mind. I tend to think back, and say this time many years ago, this or that happened. I'd treat myself to a little something, like on the day I joined the military, I used to go to a restaurant and treat myself to a good meal. Getting back to the show....

I'm really glad I came eventhough I went by myself. I'm trying not to let it get to me, but I can't help it sometimes when I long for even just a friend to go with. It's odd though, after the show I was gonna meet up with a guy and his girl friend but once the show ended, I bolted right out and made my way home. That was my main thing this weekend. I actually was meaning to go out Friday night but changed after I found out about the show. I went to see a late showing of Reno 911 with Ch-, and just dropped him off since he wasn't feeling well. I texted him to see how he was, but oh well, haven't heard back since Sunday. Maybe we can just be friends. I guess I just find it refreshing meeting someone my age after meeting older guys mostly the past few years, from five years older to twenty-one years even haha. I go through phases though, I'd go on months and months and not meet guys.

I've been more active in the community as well. No, not sexually but I've started volunteering around the area. Just something to do until I start taking some classes, and maybe a way to meet folks. Find people to go hang out with, checking out museums, or catch a movie or see concerts even. I've met people since I've arrived here but kinda took a step back since it gets exhausting a bit sometimes. Meet, greet, ask each other questions, do it all over. It takes work but I'll get on it again. I try to go out more as well, maybe hit the bars or something. I've never gone to one during a happy hour so kinda curious to see what that's like. Tomorrow, there's actually a social to go ice skating. I'll sleep through and give it some thought since there will be about 60 people going. It's funny, if it was my cousin, I would have told her to go since she needs to meet people and here I am not taking heed to my own advice. I've never gone ice skating so it'll be a learning experience too. Then, I can go skatin, skatin!