I started a trend

merely 22 years ago *ehem I wasn't gonna post but then I realized it's all about me today hahaha Had to work though but it's all good. Got to speak to the family at least so that's all that matters. And my dad actually called!! Unlike before where I called and asked him if he remembered what day it was. I'm thankful I got to see this day, and looking forward to more of this thing called life. Places to see, things to experience, and people to meet.

Close to Heaven II

I don't remember much of what else happened that Friday evening. Come Saturday, one of my friends Avon came out to see us. She's one of my dearest friends since we go way back. I've known her since I was 7, since we went to the same elementary school and were in the same class for the six years we spent there. I actually had a crush on her the first three years, though the closest I got was to kiss her on the hand when we were riding the school bus. We really didn't become too close until we were in the 6th grade (this is what they told me), along with two other folks Victor and Liezel. Here's the four of us seven years ago a before I left for the U.S. She's in the yellow t-shirt, with me standing next to her hahaha. It was certainly nice to see her again. Oh god, I just remembered how we used to call ourselves Spicer's Company. I'm not gonna say who it was after, even if you ask, I will not tell you what you want, what you really really want. We caught about what each other has been up to, she being with like her sixth or seventh gf, and me nothing; laughing about the younger days; and telling me what the other two has been up to. I do miss all four. We had all these plans, renting a place and living together, have fun just singing and dancing, those kind of things. Liezel and Avon get their girly moments singing along to the Spice Girls and dancing to it as well. Errm, I can say I have a knack for learning choreographies from music videos and so I teach them the steps when we used to get together after school or during the weekend.

So going back.. Avon and I were at the funeral home though, so I excused us from the family and told them we're gonna go up in the hotel room so I can get showered. I think I might have showered earlier that day, but it was soooo hot and humid. We went up to the room, and ended up staying there for a while, watching some Spongebob episodes and talking some more. Only time I took a shower was when my cousin Haunani came to check on us, since I told the family I won't be gone for long. After some coaxing, I got Avon to converse with my cousin eventhough she was a bit shy. My cousin only spoke English so yea, Avon had no choice really hehe They got along pretty well though so that's a good thing. One of my uncles thought that Avon was my girlfriend which was really funny. Well maybe, the baggy clothes gave it away but still. My mom's side of the family knows better hehe, even my grandma. When my uncle made that comment, my grandma said softly to my cousin there's nothing that will happen between those two, she's a tomboy and Dee's a billyboy (that's my nickname to the family, dee of course not billyboy!!)

We made our way back to the funeral home which was just across the street. Some of the old neighbors were there too so it was really nice. You changed so much you look so different you're so manly now is pretty much what I heard coming across them. And the questions are you married yet? got any kids? do you have a girlfriend how many I just kept on smiling and say naw, I'm too young or no not at the moment.. though thinking and never will. A lot of them are surprised how I turned out. Umm thing is I used to be really feminine when I was kid now that I think about it. I never thought much of it, but I guess people around me were otherwise. Some would comment when I had my backs on them, or when they thought they couldn't hear me Buti hindi bumigay ( Wowww, I'm glad he didn't go gay all the way) I'm not sure how to say this in English. I really didn't find those questions too personal or maybe that's just me, but my cousin got aggravated getting asked those the majority of the trip. She felt a bit out of place too (she confided) since she really can't speak Tagalog. She was getting bored too, so I asked her if she'd wanna go somewhere like the mall or something. She did, so after getting permission from my mom, and the aunts we were able to go.

There was a shopping center Ayala, not too far from where we were. It was me, my cousin Haunani and Avon that went. We just walked around Greenbelt which is an outdoor mall, and looked at some of the shops. They have all these restaurants as well, but we, well more like I decided that we'll go to a Japanese restaurant to try it out. They both had dinner back at the home, so really didn't wanna get a heavy meal. I ordered some sashimi for them, but they really didn't eat it. I had my tempura and sushi so I was all set. During the course of the meal, we got to talking about this one guy I briefly dated when I visited back in 2004. Haunani was kinda curious about him too, since she thought he was cute. To do a little test, Avon texted him and asked if he remembers a guy named Kris
Which Chris? I know a couple
You met him back in '04
Oh the mixed black
Yea him
Is he here? Where is he?
Close to where you guys met, he's in front of me having dinner
He said he'll be heading out then, to come see. I was kinda laughing but got nervous when Avon said that he would actually come. Oh man, you're an idiot What am I gonna do now!? Just talk to him my cousin said What am I gonna say!!? You'll figure it out I was really nervous, that I laid down on the bench around this one fountain with my head on my cousin's lap trying to duck so Gary won't spot me. He eventually showed and so, shook hands, then sat down and had a bit of a talk. The usual hey, how have you been? at the beginning. After a while we actually discussed about what happened between us.
You see, I met him when I was visiting back in '04. We only got to see each other twice however. First, was when we had coffee where I actually met him for the first time, then second was when he joined me and my friends for dinner on my birthday. After that dinner on my birthday, we all five of us walked around and just made the time pass, talking, goofing off and taking pictures. While it was just us two, he mentioned something about really liking me a lot, perhaps even being in love, and that he thinks I'm the one. I told myself to not expect anything out of this really since I'm just on a holiday. I'll admit, I liked the feeling of liking someone and them liking me back. I just didn't think anything would come out of it really since what, I've only met him one time prior to that, and since I don't even live in the same country, let alone.

I think he was either 24 or 25 at that time, and was a teacher at a technical college. I thought he was cute too hehe, especially on the one who sent me the first time we spoke (which he ended up giving me a laminated copy of, and I still keep to this day) I was just nodding along, since I'm not gonna confess that I feel the same way when I don't. The big mistake I did though was promising that I would keep in contact when I knew that I wouldn't. He gave me his phone number, and three e-mail address just to be sure it'll get through if I did e-mail. I didn't throw it away, or anything. It's still in my little notebook but I just didn't do anything with it. I considered getting in contact but then a few months have passed already, so I thought what's the use, you've let months pass already without getting in contact with the guy. I never contacted him again, until now. I was an ass for doing that, and I knew what I did was wrong.

He pretty much asked me things that I knew he would. Why did you that, how come you never got in touch like you promised. All I can say was you know, I'm not sure why either, I'm really sorry for what I did. That was a messed up thing to do, and I apologize. He said it was alright, you were young, probably just confused I did love you, you know. I can't say yep, sure did. I'd feel arrogant saying that, so did what I do best and just smiled sheepishly at him. He ended up leaving few minutes after since him and his friend were gonna go out clubbing. Wished each other the best, and a meeting of just the two us again came up briefly. It never materialized but then, it was probably better not to after all.

Close to Heaven Pt I

It's been a little over a month since I left and came back from the Philippines. As some of you were aware, it was due to a recent death in the family, my Tatay (grandpa) to be exact. During my brief stay in LA at Robert's, I was able to secure a flight that will let me catch the same flight as my cousin's. We left the US on Tuesday 6 Jun and off we flew to Manila. We ended up losing two days, arriving there on a Thursday morning, eventhough the flight was just around 15 hrs. Got to the airport alright, though we didn't get out of the terminal for another hour waiting for our luggage to arrive.

It was my mom, my stepdad and one of my aunts that came out to pick us up. It was nice getting to see them again though I thought they looked differentl the last time I saw them. Well, they thought the same too, since they commented how 'skinny' I was which was kind of funny. [Months earlier, they saw my pictures and mentioned how I probably should be should be going to the gym since I've gotten kinda fat] I swear I'll develop a disorder if I listen to them! It was the usual, hugs and kisses, nice to see you again stuff, though they commented on the T-shirt that I had on. It was a red one, and they say it's not a good idea to be wearing one since it's not exactly a joyous occassion that I came back home for. I'm not even sure what the colors stood for, but I just put on a white one after getting on the van that'll take us back to Laguna which is about an hour outside Manila, the capital. It kinda felt odd being there, especially for the reason we came home for. This was the first time that something like this has hit home, so it's a bit of a shock really.

We finally got to the house and a couple of the family is up already eventhough it was only 7 am. Hugged one of them one by one, kisses, and let some of them, mostly my aunts, cry on my shoulder. I really didn't think I'd be crying but it's completely different after actually being put into that position. [Oh one thing, the wake was actually being held at the house in the time being. My grandpa's remains has been there for about a week, and would be moved to a funeral home later on that same day] A couple of them are awake to keep the remains company, so to speak. I looked at my grandpa and I was just thinking that wow, he's really gone. The usual went on, having a little breakfast, and waiting on the rest of the household to get up, and just talking to the family. We were really happy at the same time, just laughing and joking, making fun of each other, the usual things a family does. Some of us haven't seen each other in seven to eight years even so it definitely was a good thing. Picture taking, with some sleeping, since they've been awake all night. The rest got up the next hour or so, so played around with the young cousins, walked around the neighborhood a little bit. Sort of an odd thing, during this time, a butterfly landed on my sleeves and stayed there for close to an hour. Tried shaking my arms but to no avail, it just stayed put. Filipinos have this belief that a brown butterfly during a wake is actually the spirit of the deceased and so, the family told me to just leave it alone and let it fly off on its own.

In between all this, Sonny the oldest cousin, hasn't been feeling well and been running back and forth to the bathroom. He then went back to the living room, laid down on the couch, and just started shaking so some of the family laid a blanket on him, trying to keep him warm. I'm not exactly sure what was happening after just having arrived there a couple of hours ago. But there was something definitely wrong. I look at my cousin when he passed me by, and it was as if he doesn't even recognize some of us any longer. He has changed too, from the last time that I saw him. There's just been some issues going on, and they were saying how the night before, he drank two long neck liquor. I'm not exactly sure what long neck is, but I think it's this bigger bottle of alcohol that they sell for about a $1. People I've known usually drank just hard liquor, no chasers or anything, just put some ice and nothing else. They said that's what he had the previous night which obviously just worsened his condition, since he was sick already as it is. He ended up getting rushed to the hospital later on that morning.

2 pm rolled around, and that when my Tatay's remains is going to get moved to a funeral home in Makati City (where I grew up) so our old neighbors can pay their respect. It took a bit longer for us to get there since it was raining. We arrived, and ended up renting two rooms in the motel across the street, somewhere to sleep in when some of us get tired or just a place for some to take a shower in. The 'grown ups' usually stayed with my Tatay since somebody has to keep it company usually, even during the night time. It's still good however, reminiscing about the old times or they talk about just random things that they think of throughout the night. After that, some of us went to McDonald's nearby so that the kids can eat, kids being my younger cousins aged between 3-10 yrs. I'm familiar with the area so I was pretty much the navigator for the rest hehe since some of my family lives abroad, and not too familiar with the area. It was fun, the kids all playing with their new toys since Cars just came out, and McDonald's has toys that came with the Happy Meals. Took a bunch of video clips which I uploaded in youtube (for anyone who cares) Left and went back to the funeral home, hanging around with the family. Come 6 pm, Norman (Sonny's younger brother) got a phone call from his Mom. We thought it was just so my Aunt can tell us how Sonny was doing.. Thing is that wasn't the case. With tears in his eyes, he said Kuya's gone! (Kuya = older brother) Everybody got quiet, and just started crying. It was awful. My aunts, grandma, especially my Mom. She took care of Sonny when he was growing up and he's the one she was closest to. She sorta froze, and just kept repeating He's gone over and over I sat down and held onto one of my cousins, and was just thinking wow, this is really happening. It went on like this for a bit, and everybody finally calmed down. Just listened while the grown ups talked about things, the why's what if's if only's what could have been's

Sonny's sister Milani was at a friend's house during this time, and my mom and I went to go get her. We really didn't have any problem finding her since she was sitting outside when the tricycle passed us by. Mama told her 'ning just come back with us. On the way back she kept asking What happened tita? Is there something I should know? Is it bad? We were just about 10 minutes away from the funeral home. The tricycle got there, we got out, and Norman met her on the entrance and told her that their brother's gone. This was even worse than all the others combined. Her knees just buckled, and she ended up sitting on the stairs outside not crying but wailing I knew that nothing I can say would be comforting at that instant. I just hugged her though she was stomach level, muffling some of her screams at least. It was seeing her like this that did it for me. I didn't cry upon hearing my cousin's death a while ago, I was kinda annoyed I'll admit seeing how my mom reacted. This time though, that's when it finally hit me. Just listening to her cry out I don't have my brother anymore, what's gonna happen to me now? that my shoulders started shaking, then tears started falling from my eyes. He was only 30.

I would go along with someone like you

If I told you things I did before told you how I used to be Would you go along with someone like me?
The opening to a song, Young Folks by Peter Bjorn and John. Forgot where I came across it but enjoy.

if i told you things i did before
old you how i used to be
would you go along with someone like me

if you knew my story word for word
had all of my history
would you go along with someone like me

i did before and had my share
it didn't lead nowhere
i would go along with someone like you

it doesn't matter what you did
who you were hanging with
we could stick around and see this night through

and we don't care about the young folks
talkin' bout the young style
and we don't care about the old folks
talkin' 'bout the old style too

and we don't care about their own faults
talkin' 'bout our own style
all we care 'bout is talking
talking only me and you

usually when things has gone this far
people tend to disappear
no-one will surprise me unless you do

i can tell there's something goin' on
hours seems to disappear
everyone is leaving i'm still with you

it doesn't matter what we do
where we are going to
we can stick around and see this night through

and we don't care about the young folks
talkin' bout the young style
and we don't care about the old folks
talkin' 'bout the old style too
and we don't care about their own faults
talkin' 'bout our own style
all we care 'bout is talking
talking only me and you

and we don't care about the young folks
talkin' bout the young style
and we don't care about the old folks
talkin' 'bout the old style too
and we don't care about their own faults
talkin' 'bout our own style
all we care 'bout is talking
talking only me and you
talking only me and you
talking only me and you
talking only me and you

(^_^)/ Hi!

I'm still here!! Finally getting around to doing this after being off for three days. I've spent most of it sleeping though, I'm becoming a bear for a change. Well thing is I've been getting headaches the past week, and it has rendered me incapable lol I still had to go to work coz I can't just call in and tell them I'm sick. I still got to do my job, creating accounts, fixing things here and there, but that's about it. All other times, I just sat there and read, no write. Read up on the lives of people I love Awwwwwww, aren't I just sweeet!!?? ( ^_^)(^_^ ) Just kiddin..

As most of you are aware, I've been back now for a little over two weeks after going back to the Philippines (which deserves its own post) Some might even have seen the pics already, if not, you'll know where to look *winks That just reminded me of some guy I met back in Japan. He ended just about every sentence in his e-mail with *winks I only hang out with him once but it was still fun, I remember we ended up waiting on each other for like an hour the first day we were going to meet since we were waiting on the opposite sides of this building. We had a good time. That was the first time I stayed out all night in Tokyo, after having been there two years prior to that. Except the two or three times I got wasted in bar row, but that was just a few blocks from the base though. I just wasn't much of a drinker, thanks to my family members
Thanks to that experience, I spent a lot of times going back, just hanging around the station and getting a buzz with a good friend of mine which I sorely miss, damn it I need to write about Japan

So hmm, two weeks I've been back, I've mostly been working really. I think I might have a lost a friend or two when I was gone, kinda sucky, but hey that's life ;) I know that life is good! Some bad things might happen, but it has a way of balancing itself out. Taking the bad with the good, do what you can, and pray for better. Going back to Manila for instance, it might not be for a joyous occasion, but I still had a good time. So even if I MIGHT have lost someone, there's usually a new one that comes in. I reconnected with two old friends I had in Japan, and got introduced to a fella by a mutual friend of ours. I've been talking to him a lot, so guess that's a good thing. First time we spoke, we barely said anything so I was just thinking that'll be the last of it. But the next night, he texted asking if he could call. Errmm okayyyy.. I said he could, and it's been smooth sailing since then. Why am I even writing about this?? It's not like we're bf's or anything. Hmm, dunno, guess it was nice listening to his voicemail <^_^; - when he tried calling six times one night. I left out forgot to tell him I was working but it was nice. I sat on the couch with a big smile on my face, seeing he called that many times. I guess that's kinda good, getting occupied with someone else, making me get over my blogger crush. I thought it was silly when I've read people write about it but yeah blogger crushes do happen. Have had one the past few months hehe lol Anyways, it's just a crush. Nothing wrong with it.

This update's taking longer than I thought. Ended up being on the phone with the cuzz for the past hour so kinda got distracted. Anyways, will fill in more later as to what's going on. Headache's been my main concern this past week, that's about it. It hasn't set in today yet so, hopefully it's gone for good. I'm not really up to doing anything when it hurts..I just lay there, wishing my mom's around to make me a meal or something. Oh I meant a bf haha. Can I get one please?

Have a good week!! Hope I made sense :D