Merry Christmas

Just thought I'd drop a line and wish you all a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! Or Happy Holidays to some, or Happy Kwanzaa even :D There's just been some stuff that happened that i felt best not to be written about. I'm doing fine though, a few more hours before I go home for the day.

My mom actually turned 49 on the 15th and I think it was a good birthday overall. I got her some clothes as a gift, with a matching necklace and earring. I had it waiting for her when she got home from work but I was already asleep when she got home. She woke up and thanked me for it, I think she was even crying but I was too sleepy I just said 'Welcome' and went back to sleep.

The next day was her actual b-day and it went well. We took her out to this one Indian restaurant in DC called Rasika. She took her bf (*rolls eyes). It's taking me a while to warm up to him, just being honest but it was good overall. She's never had Indian food before but am glad she liked it.

So that's about it really. Work's alright, I'm getting the hang of it more and more. On some days, I feel bleh about it since the calls are non-stop, but it's only for now :D Just wanted to get my foot in at the company I'm with so that's about it really.

Will post some pics since they blocked flickr here at work. I'm able to read feeds for the blogs I read but not able to comment so that'll be why, but I try to stay up to date and see what everyone's up to. That's all for now and again, Merry Christmas!!

Happy Thanksgiving!

I thought I'd take time to wish you guys and gal a Happy Thanksgiving! We had an early Thanksgiving dinner last night and it was a success :D

We had some friends over, and some friend's friends. I was nervous as hell a few hours prior I thought about making a detour and not go home 'til late haha. What was that all about!? This is our first time having some folks over for dinner and stuff but it went well. I can say that everyone had a good time. Will post some pictures later.. I wore a shirt that C- gave me and was getting compliments for it so yay!

 

I'm glad I am where I am right now, and thankful for everything that's happened both good and bad. Tomorrow's my 9th year anniversary coming to the US and I get a little, I wouldn't say melancholy but I reminisce a lot around this time of year. I know I'll keep moving forward but I look back to that day when my life changed completely. I think I've had a good life so far, went through some experiences that taught me things about myself and the world as a whole. You know, looking back it's like I get too focused on the pain that I was going through and don't think about the "future" when I think about things, and say "Oh, I learned this from that." You know, falling for a guy that I never saw after one meeting, and it made me take a look at myself on the mirror and find ways that I can improve. After that, I started dressing better and try to think that if things don't work out with people, it's not always because there was something wrong with you. We can't expect to be loved by everybody, and can't expect the same from others. We can do good at the best of our ability and keep it at that. I think the universe has a way of paying you back, not that you should expect them because of what you did. You can call it karma or whatever, but I guess it's really true that what you put out to the world, you get back. Might not be tomorrow, or the day after but it will.

 

So thank you life. Thanks to my parents for giving it to me. To my family and friends for all the love, it was enough to keep me going. To the bloggers I've become friends with, thanks for making time to make the friendship work eventhough we're not close to each other. And of course, to me for not having given up.

 

Gobble, gobble!

 

 

Before I go to bed

Things are going well at the new job. I'm still in training so usually have my coworker shadow me when I take calls. It's supposed to be 3 weeks of training but mine was only 3 so kinda glad about that. Thing with phone support is that you can't really learn fully unless you just go out there and deal with the customers. Most customers have been nice so far though.

Aside from that, life's been quiet for the most part. Considered moving to another apartment at the same community since it had a dining room but do we really want to move granted it's one building over? We've gotten by alright so will make do what we have for now.

That's about it really. Well, we saw Cirque De Soleil two weeks ago and I was impressed. Forgot what show we saw but man, they had this 3 girls folding like pretzels and everything. I was shocked what they could do with their bodies, it's as if I was in some fantasy land.

Umm, that's all for now. Oh, for some who has difficulty trying to come up with meals for dinner, here's a recipe for Beef with Sweet Peppers. It's real simple to make and it's delicious. I came upon it by accident when I had meat but didn't know what to do with it. Enjoy!!

A Professor by day

I know I've posted like 3 or 4 videos of her but she cracks me up. I just uploaded her vids on my ipod since my coworkers have never heard of her! They're missing some important lessons :D So next time someone tells you they're going to the post office, umm you might wanna go with them.

GD IT!!!

I just love the acronym of my new company :D Whenever I see it, I
crack up since I think of the "other" meaning instead of what it
actually stands for.

I started the new job this past Monday and it's been goood. I spent
the first two days going to briefings and filling out paperwork so
that was fun. I went to my job location yesterday and the boss and the
coworkers seemed cool. Was a bit nervous but I'm talking to more peopl
little by little so that's a start. There's like 25 other people so I
doubt I'd make my round one by one and introduce myself. This one guy
has been going over what I'm gonna need to know to do my job and it's
quite a bit but I'm remembering most so even the boss was impressed.
There's a bunch of cute guys too hehe but I don't think any of 'em is
gay but oh well, it would have been nice to have a gay coworker for a
change. Hmmm, maybe I'm in the wrong field..

It was nice having a week off also. Just did things here and there.
Then Friday we caught the bus to NYC for the day. It was great being
back and getting to see a friend again. Thanks for meeting us Jon!! C-
and I did some touristy things and went to the Empire State Building
and at MOMA. Wow, it was nice seeing NY with that view. Did I say
'nice' again? I tend to say that a lot.

I'm just typing this on the phone since I don't feel like driving yet.
I know what the traffic will be like so not looking forward to that.
As for + thinking, thanks that I have a car and am able to drive. I
forget how lucky I am sometimes. Is that really luck though? Or simply
being thankful for what I think the good things are. That I have a
job, car, some of my loved ones with me. The dog maybe haha, a place
to sleep in, a home that I've built with somebody. We had a talk the
other day and it just got me thinking about what C- and I had gone
through in the past 16 months. Sometimes I'm tempted to just chuck
everything and starting all over, but I'll admit I'm actually in a
good place in my life. I don't know why I can't just simply admit I'm
happy. It freaks me out that I didn't have to do anything to "get" it
like he just came to my life just like that!? No way!!

I'm rambling and it's getting dark out so I should start heading home.
I'm actually in front of the hospital and went to a session with a
therapist, to help me figure out why I do some of the things I do. I
can be quite a meany sometimes when I get in a funk and feel that I
can't depend on anybody else in this world, that I'm all I've got.
That isn't true though but I get wrapped up so much in that thinking
that it starts affecting how I view things overall. I was gonna keep
quiet but you know, there's really nothing to be embarrassed
about. You can ask for help without feeling helpless though it took a
lot to actually pick up the phone and say that I can use some help.

Didn't mean to get all serious here but I'm okay though. I try to be
upbeat and funny on my posts but it doesn't come natural I guess. I
can be silly in real life but it just wouldn't come out when I'm
writing GD IT. Oh well, I can always make videos and lipsync for
you... Or you :D

The dog's doing

Figure I'd post while I'm waiting to be seen by a doctor/nurse just as
a followup to check my blood pressure. It has been high even before so
I've had to adjust my diet and stuff. And now, doing the same since it
was still pretty high when they checked it few weeks ago. Been eating
more veggies, and was eating oatmeal for breakfast for a while but I
guess it could only do so much. Incorporating the working out since I
don't actually go everyday like I ought to.

I'm not working at the moment since I took a week off before I start a
new job next week. It was a bit crazy my last week since I had to
write documentations and train my coworker to get spun up on what I
do. It's nice though, been relaxing and watching Six Feet Under.

Funny that the other day, while laying on the couch and the dog,
sleeping right by the edge, there's this feeling that just came over
me. I got to thinking about this creature laying there who's pretty
much there for me to take care of for who knows how long. It was odd
for me since the dog wasn't really my idea and on my bad days, I'll
admit I get annoyed having him around. But it just me thinking about
the day I have kids you know!? How when I have one, I'll have a mini-
me walking around the earth for me to love and take care of. How there
will be this person who will depend on me 100% and I in return would
give everything that I could, mainly love, will try to limit on the
material things though. For a sec, all I felt for the dog was love
that it almost made me cry. I dunno why I can't just admit to myself
that I've come to love it, especially when he just looks up with his
brown eyes when he wants me to play with him or just give him some
time. It's making me aware that when I have kids, there would be no
turning back. Well actually there is but I'm not gonna do that.

I know from experience what it's like growing up with one parent
missing and it's not a great feeling. I can say I'm used to it which I
am but on some days, I'm like goddamn, I spent my whole life without a
dad and I remember how crappy I felt about it on some days. I'm not
saying having both parents with you is the recipe of being a normal
person, but then you've got kids who grew up with both that's more
effed up than I would ever be so I guess it's a combination of things
mainly. I guess I got lucky and had a loving family, or I just made
choices that benefitted me rather than ruining me. I can say well I
grew up without a father if I would have ended up doing drugs or
whatever but I'll know that it was my choices that brought me to
whatever it is I'm in. Maybe it's luck, maybe it's strength, or
clinging to this hope that things will get better which they did. Damn
dog for making me think :D

Piloting the poo-c!

Sorry for all the videos but I don't think some of you has seen this. This is what got me started with Alexys. Perfect for the Halloween, you can dress up as a Pilot. As to what kind, watch the video! :D

I wanna have orgeese!

I just love the skits Kristen Wiig has done. Penelope on SNL, Knocked Up, and last night, Crazy McCain Lady.

Stop right now

This song doesn't really have any meaning, I don't think but this will partly answer Robert's question as to what I'm wearing "below" haha.

Thursday evening

Pardon all the 'you know" I swear I don't talk like that in person :D It was an impromptu so just talked about what came to mind..

Songs you want to see

So, some of you have seen the "music videos" I post from time to time. I was thinking, is there any song that you'd want to see me perform? Haha. Or I can always make a dedication I guess.

Coz at the moment, the ones I can do well *cough cough are Keane, Kylie, Spice Girls. Maybe I'll upload a Kylie clip from back in '04 when I had hair (T_T) I had waaaay more but my hard drive crashed and I'm still trying to recover 'em. I think it's funny sometimes that I do it, but it cracks me up when I watch 'em down the road. Like wowww, can you get any gayer Kris!? And it also, reminds me that on such and such, I was feeling this or that and the song I was relating the most at that point. Does that happen to you!?

But yea, I'm getting sidetracked. Send in the requests!

Motha motha whaaaat!?

We saw Kathy Griffin last Sunday and she was a riot! Her show ran for about an hour and a half, and the time it was over, my jaw was hurting. Aside from that, things have been so and so. Just feeling meh this week what with the new company taking over and all. I'm interviewing for other companies so will see how that goes. I had one few weeks ago and the government agency wanted me on board but it didn't work out due some clearance issues.

I'm still sore from the other night after having lifted some weights. I think I pulled a muscle in my shoulder so might just have to run today. I've gained 20 lbs I believe since I moved to DC, granted it doesn't show but still, need to work on that and hopefully, keep at it. I've always started but never follow through.

So tomorrow, we're gonna see Lisa Lampanelli down in Norfolk, VA. To some who hasn't heard of her, here's a clip. If you get offended easily, you might wanna skip.


That's about it really. I finally found the guys responsible for one of my most favorite prank calls. They're the Touch Tone Terrorists and I seriously was crying listening to bits and pieces of it, especially this one where the woman got called a mongoloid moron. Click on that and you can download it since I can't load it to imeem at the moment. Hope it makes you laugh folks! Hugs and enjoy the weekend!!

Made the cut

I'm back at work now after taking a week off and did some traveling. I'm not sure if I've mentioned that we initially we're gonna go to San Francisco to meet up with my Uncle flying in from Norway for a conference. We ended up not going since the costs would be a bit too much with finding a hotel, the plane ticket, then getting around the bay area. Just need to plan it out more I guess. So after Cali was scratched, we considered Canada but you needed a passport to go there which C- doesn't have at this time.

We chose Orlando since his sister that's about to have a baby lives there. We opted to drive and 4 hours in, we got a call saying that his sister had a baby boy so derr. It was a 13-hr drive and we just alternated every 3 hours so it wasn't bad. I was nervous since his mom was there also from Puerto Rico. She's staying indefinitely to help with her new grandson. Meeting them went well over all I think. C-s brother in law was great too, he learned a lot of computer tricks from yours truly :P His mom was commenting how quiet I was, but that's how I usually am when I meet new folks. Once I warm up though, you can't shut me up at times. The previous pic was the only pic I have really, C- and I don't have any pics together since it was pretty much raining when we're out and about.

Central Florida was nice. Will see how the next few months go and we're considering moving there come next summer. That scholarship I have is only good in Florida and will expire next winter, 3 years after I got out of the mil. But will see.. On the way back, stopped by Savannah which was a lovely city. We hang around for 2 hours and took the tour around the historic district, will definitely have to come back. We watched Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil, so now you got two people in the house running around saying "Two tears in a bucket, motherfuck it!"

During my time away from work, there was the transition happening since the contract was won by another company as I mentioned previously. A bunch of coworkers were let go and today's their last day. I'm not at our main office though, and subbing at the satellite by myself. The new company took me on board but will see how it'll go here on out. That's what's been going on really, getting a bit stressed but oh well, that's part of life.

Speeder biker for once

Taken at MGM Studios, forgot what the new name is. Hollywood ???? Haha, some folks were wondering what the heck I'm riding. Pardon for being vague *kisses


Only pic in Disney :D, originally uploaded by d_edrick.

Guess what can make you slap somebody!?

I know, it's not a real post but was going through my archives and I don't think some folks know these lessons.

Always remember

When we become angry, upset, or disappointed with someone, we forget the good they have done. We seem to think people must prove themselves to us again and again. If ever they fail to live up to our expectations, we are quick to voice our dismay. The ancient Africans taught that if a person is good to you, you must forever speak good of them. They believed the good always outlives the not so good. In order to keep the good flowing, you must speak of it. The ancestors taught that we must honor those who helped us when we were in need, regardless of what they do now. We must honor those who taught us, even if we no longer use the lessons. We must remember with a kind word the road someone else has paved for us, no matter where or how they travel now. Everything we receive in life is food for our growth. If we eat from the plate, we must give thanks. Remembering, without that food, at that time, we may have starved.

Acts of Faith
by Iyanla Vanzant

Is it luck...

"Some luck lies in not getting what you thought you wanted but getting what you have, which once you have got it you may be smart enough to see is what you would have wanted had you known."

E-mailing a friend and was telling him about C- and thought about this post. I knew what I wanted to an extent, and sometimes I think I get scared how effortlessly C- came into my life after that one evening we met. He was really everything I was looking for in a bf, and I have come to love everything, imperfections and all. I certainly am far from perfect and need to remember that you can always love someone, despite of them :)

Yay!

Well, what do you know!? The friend I wrote about few posts ago e-mailed to tell me what's been going on. Thank god his sister didn't think it was strange e-mailing back a guy she never met. It's funny how he remembers how I have a big collection of pictures which sadly are in a hard drive that crashed (still trying to recover things). I'll have to fly down to LA soon and meet him. This makes me happy to hear back from him.

Aside from that, caught the flu Thursday evening so trying to recoup from that. Just been thinking some things over that I really can't talk about since I'm confused myself. It happens :D

Don't fall in love with a homo

Frog Prince he isn't...

I think I might start dedicating a 'song' to a fellow blogger. This is an old song by Keane named The Frog Prince and I've been listening to it daily on my way and back from work. It made me think of Steven since the first post of his I read was one where he felt like the prince, after Robert asked me if I knew of his blog. Steven has come a long way I can tell and I'm glad about that :)



An old fairytale told me
The simple heart will be prized again
A toad will be our king
And ugly ogres our heroes

Then you'll shake
Your fist at the sky
"Oh why did I rely
On fashions and small fry?"

All promises broken
Feed your people or lose your throne
And forfeit your whole kingdom
I'd sooner lose it than still live in it alone

You were our golden child
But the gentle and the mild
Inherit the earth, while

Your prince's crown
Cracks and falls down
Your castle hollow and cold
You've wandered so far
From the person you are
Let go brother, let go
Cos now we all know

Soon, someone will put a spell on you
Perfume, treasure, sorcery, every trick they know
You will lie in a deep sleep
That's when

Your prince's crown
Cracks and falls down
Your castle hollow and cold
You've wandered so far
From the person you are
Let go brother, let go
Cos now we all know

Mamma Mia

It was a lazy day yesterday and we just ended up staying home and taking it slow. There were talks about going to Rehoboth Beach but with it being 3 hours away, we opted out of going. As I've previously mentioned, my mom is all moved in at our place. We helped her move the previous Friday and spent most of Saturday tidying up the apartment. We're still trying to sell some things on Craigslist and have a few to go.

It's actually been good overall. There's gonnabe some adjustments to be made but I think we'll be just fine. Still need to get my mom to shut up when watching a movie haha. She would just keep on and on and on, comments about the movie, or how it reminded her about this or that. It's funny since we're the complete opposites that she can talk forever while I'm the quiet one. I wonder if it's because she talked a lot. My uncle asks her sometimes how she managed to raise me since she's crazy (in a good way) and I turned out completely not like her. She's great though, she's almost 50 and doesn't act like one which is a good thing. Just little things that might need some work, this victim mentality where she's still blaming my dad over EVERYthing. It's funny how she'll find a way to sneak that in every convo but oh well, hopefully in time. I've had to always remind her that her life is nobody else's responsibility but hers, and she ended up where she is because of her choices. Isn't it the same for everyone!? It's all up to us to try to rise up of the 'bad' situations and do what you can to be in a better place if something isn't working out for you.

Aside from that, C- and I got to see Mamma Mia recently and it was a good movie, I'd have to say. We got free tickets for a 'screening' of the sing-along version and it was just fun! You've got folks singing along and towards the end, some got up and started dancing. It made me smile and glad I was there to witness it. One of their song reminded me when I was trying to get this one guy to meet up with me 'Take a chance on meeeeee.' Isn't he glad he did!? kidding!!! Crazy how a song can take you back places.

So that's about it. We're gonna scratch the idea of going to San Francisco later on this month since it'll add up a LOT. But pretty much, we were gonna go so we can meet up with my Uncle who's flying in from Norway for a conference. We initally thought we were staying with him since his company will provide a hotel but he only was able to find a single room. With the three of us, C-, Mama and I coming, that's not really gonna work. C- and I might just rent a car and drive up to Toronto. Never been so actually excited if we do go, need to make decisions though since it's in 2 weeks. Anyone been/live there? Any suggestions of places to see, things to do!?

Tongue out

Our dog does this a lot these days... It makes me smile/laugh for some reason

The tennis court by my old apartment

The tennis court by my old apartment, originally uploaded by d_edrick.

Kris

You become responsible FOREVERrrrrr

To go along with my last post, an excerpt from my favorite book....

"Goodbye," said the fox.

"And now here is my secret, a very simple secret: It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye."

"What is essential is invisible to the eye," the little prince repeated, so that he would be sure to remember.

"It is the time you have wasted for your rose that makes your rose so important."

"It is the time I have wasted for my rose — " said the little prince, so that he would be sure to remember.

"Men have forgotten this truth," said the fox. "But you must not forget it. You become responsible, forever, for what you have tamed. You are responsible for your rose..."

"I am responsible for my rose," the little prince repeated, so that he would be sure to remember.

The Little Prince*
by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

*Yay, for this being a public domain, you get to read it for free. I don't have one at this time since I gave it all away

This is why the blog title applies....

Well, an old friend of mine Guy Maki e-mailed me this early on in our friendship. I still wonder about him sometimes as to how he's doing. It's been a looong time since we've spoken, I've called the number I have of his and has left a voicemail numerous times but no avail. Last I spoke to him was Christmas 2005 when I moved back to the U.S.

01/13/04
Hey you!

...in answer to your question "why am I like you?"...well...

ummmm???...like the little phrases you put in your emails sometimes...the choices represents the sensitive and caring part of you. HEY...that's a good thing!!!---of course YOU DO KNOW that gay guys seem to have the "sensitive thing" go'in on!

...when we talk about family, friends, experiences, and such. You've even cried.....BUT.....I hold the WORLD RECORD FOR THAT BUDDY--(for a guy that is). That proves you have a good kind heart.

....and you like to joke around, have fun, and make the other person feel better before yourself. You are very unselfish.

...uMMMM? YOU CAN BE A LITTLE ASS SOMETIMES TOO! hehe (didn't mean to type that in big letters... I just didn't want to go back and re-type it)...haha

...you treat your friends like family

...and you understand that just mak'in someone smile or laugh can turn their "ho-hum" day right around!

SEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE That's GOOD STUFF BOY!

Thanks for being a great friend. ALot of people could take lessons from you.

Guy

We became friends through Yahoo Messenger, funny how I've met his ex but has never seen Guy in person. Maybe this will come up if someone googles him. We used to talk through webcams and all. Though the first time he ended up viewing mine, I was being 'naughty.' Yea, yea I had my moments but it was more tongue-in-cheek. But really though, I preferred chatting face to face since what's the point of chatting with someone if all you see is their penis.

Last time I spoke to him, it was just right after Katrina hit. He survived it though and since then nada, and it's been 3 years. I was going through old e-mails and it made me smile. I miss my friend. They used to be my fashion adviser when I went on dates, and they consoled me when I got my heart broken when I'm just starting to learn how the dating world worked.

There's a saying Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened. I do smile when I think about some friends I've lost but yet, wish it didn't have to end. But damn it Guy, where the hell are you!?

Would it be stalkerish if I show up in Lousiana one day in front of his door to check up on him? I've e-mailed his sister once to check on him and she did reply back haha. Be honest whoever reads this. Would it spook you out if a guy you've only talked online showed up on your doorstep?

I guess it's more of a closure. Either that, or I'm trying to hold onto things that I know I should let go. Granted we were only 'online buddies' but still, when I become friends with someone, I'll keep them for life. This goes out to bloggers I've met and haven't. I might not always text or call, I'll admit I'm worried you might think I'm overdoing it, (so der, it all boils down to fear), but I do wonder how you are when I happen to be driving, or just sitting at work 'thinking.'

So to friends I have met and have yet to meet, if you do decide to stop blogging, please keep in mind to at least leave us a farewell post or something. I know you're free to do whatever you choose since it's your blog. But it sucks to be left hanging in the air not knowing whatever happens to somebody. It might sound silly, but it does matter to some. That's all I ask of you but still, thanks for the time we've shared.

Leave me alone I'm lonely

I've never heard of the Enneagram of Personality until this morning, thanks to English. All this personality tests are essentially the same but it still fascinates me nonetheless. It's funny how I like reading on these things when I already know what some of the 'things' I have to deal with. I'm a Four and here's what it said about my type.

Romantics have sensitive feelings and are warm and perceptive.

How to Get Along with Me

• Give me plenty of compliments. They mean a lot to me.
• Be a supportive friend or partner. Help me to learn to love and value myself.
• Respect me for my special gifts of intuition and vision.
• Though I don't always want to be cheered up when I'm feeling melancholy, I sometimes like to have someone lighten me up a little.
• Don't tell me I'm too sensitive or that I'm overreacting!

What I Like About Being a FOUR

• my ability to find meaning in life and to experience feeling at a deep level
• my ability to establish warm connections with people
• admiring what is noble, truthful, and beautiful in life
• my creativity, intuition, and sense of humor
• being unique and being seen as unique by others
• having aesthetic sensibilities
• being able to easily pick up the feelings of people around me

What's Hard About Being a FOUR

• experiencing dark moods of emptiness and despair
• feelings of self-hatred and shame; believing I don't deserve to be loved
• feeling guilty when I disappoint people
• feeling hurt or attacked when someone misundertands me
• expecting too much from myself and life
• fearing being abandoned
• obsessing over resentments
• longing for what I don't have

FOURs as Children Often

• have active imaginations: play creatively alone or organize playmates in original games
• are very sensitive
• feel that they don't fit in
• believe they are missing something that other people have
• attach themselves to idealized teachers, heroes, artists, etc.
• become antiauthoritarian or rebellious when criticized or not understood
• feel lonely or abandoned (perhaps as a result of a death or their parents' divorce)

FOURs as Parents

• help their children become who they really are
• support their children's creativity and originality
• are good at helping their children get in touch with their feelings
• are sometimes overly critical or overly protective
• are usually very good with children if not too self-absorbed

Hair all gone

Hair all gone, originally uploaded by d_edrick.

This will probably be my hairstyle the rest of my life. I miss my curls
sometimes *sniff sniff

Another year

This was a post I wrote a day after my birthday but took it down due to circumstances.

Suddenly Monday appears again.. I'm back in our DC office today since my coworker is sick and they needed somebody to cover her spot so here I am. I've been up since 4 since I had to drop Carlos off at the airport so he can catch his flight to Chicago to surprise his parents who are visiting from Puerto Rico.

Well I gave in and got an iphone baabaaa! It was my birthday yesterday so it was a present. I got a white one but sorta wished I would have gotten a black one. My fault since I initially got a black and opted to switch instead. It's taking a little getting used to but looks like I'm loving it so far, aside from adding my contacts in manually. It's nice that I can put videos and whatnot, so Jerri Blank is already in it along with some music videos. Can you tell I love that show?

Saturday was quiet for the most part since I sat around the house doing nothing, grab a book, read a blog, listen to music which is nice. Then that evening, we had dinner and then catched Kung Fu Panda. He hasn't seen it so we went though I think 10 minutes into the movie, I passed out considering we went to the 11:45 pm showing. I've watched it few weeks back but I was so sleepy I even got woken up by my own snore haha.

Sunday, Carlos had to work so ended up spending it with my mom who didn't call in but didn't show at her job. It felt 'new' spending my birthday with her since it's been such a long time. It rained as usual, and we talked about how it always did on my birthday. We remembered how when I was young, she would carry me on her back since she didn't want me to get my shoes wet. We had this yearly thing of going to this one church first thing in the morning then just going to the mall afterwards. It's amazing what the brain remembers, you just have to love/hate it. I remember those times like it was just yesterday, the simple life.

This birthday was definitely better than last year's when there wasn't peace on the quiet front. We had yakiniku (Korean BBQ) at this restaurant Woo Lae Oak. If you ever find yourself in the area and craved some BBQ, this is the place to go. I haven't been to many here in Northern Virginia but this place was gooood. It was us three that had dinner, and it was fun.

There were some crying a bit with my mom saying how it seemed like it was only yesterday that I was born, yada yada. Carlos instigated it saying things that made me teary, how he's glad we're together, and managed to get through everything that we went through (We went through some rough times that I felt best not to write about since there's always gonnabe different sides to the story) then when my mom saw it, she followed suit. I think I get it from her, I'd cry over the little things. When she started crying, I just found it real funny so started laughing and that ended it.

Ya know, I'm thankful for the most part to have made it this far. It might sound weird but I never really looked forward to the day that I hit a certain age. I get there and it's like Wow, I'm this age now. Where did all those years go by? I've said it before but I'm still in awe as to the things I've done, places I've seen, people I've met. Never did I think I would be where I am right now.

Anywho, I've written more than I intended. Will post the pic later to remind myself that this time in '08, I'm with the two people that loves me and that alone is enough.

I'm learning to dance again

It's one thing to read about things, but to actually go through it is something else. I like reading self-help books and I have this one book which got chewed on by the dogs. Of course, I'll have to get a new one. One that I have is Until Today and it has some passages that strike a chord in me and thought I'd share.

We have all done something that has caused someone pain or discomfort. Often, we are aware of the consequences of our actions. Then there are those times when we don't have a clue about what we've done until someone brings it to our attention. When they do, we feel bad. We believe that we must forever be indebted to the people who have been the victims of our thoughtlessness, negligence, or abuse.
You cannot see people as victims of something you have done. If you do, they will allow you to continue to feel bad. You cannot see people as victims of who you were or of who you are. If you do, you are declaring yourself to be more powerful than you have a right to be in anyone's life. Seeing someone as your victim says that you are somehow responsible for what people believe and do. Thinking this way or feeling this way is going to cause you a tremendous amount of grief unnecessarily!
Regardless of the impact your actions have on anyone, they are not your victim! Think of it this way: we are all dancers in the ballroom of life. Some of us are accomplished dancers. Some of us can't find the beat. When you ask someone to dance, they, not you, choose whether or not they will dance with you. If you step on their toes, ask for forgiveness. Don't buy them a new pair of shoes! If the experience leaves them with the impression that life is not worth dancing, ask for forgiveness. Do not spend the rest of your life trying to force them to dance again. You have no victims! Ask for forgiveness. Make amends if you can. Then, waltz away.
Until today, you have may have believed that you would be forever indebted to others. Just for today, acknowledge those times that you have been thoughtless, negligent or abusive to others. Forgive yourself. Ask for forgiveness and then continue to dance.

Until Today by
Iyanla Vanzant

It's not as easy...

Counting down the days and my mom's gonnabe moving in at our apartment. We're renting a 2-BR, and rather than renting it out to a stranger, my mom will be our housemate. I initially was against it after what went on last summer but I think she's in a completely different place now. She's adjusted living here in the States, and has fully accepted C-. Not that she had any problems with me being gay, it was more of fear that I won't love her as much like I used to which is silly. As much as I'd like to think I don't, my actions says otherwise as one blogger friend puts it.

The apartment is nearing completion, will have to post some pictures up. We got a mirror to go above the couch but not sure how we'll keep it in place so it might be a bit heavy. The living room turned out nice I'd have to say. C- has this head of a buddha that seriously freaks me out after having read Queen of the Damned. Good thing it's not visible when you're watching TV so it'll be alright.

Things are slowly going back to the way it used to be. Something happened that I felt didn't need to be written about here but let's just say my capacity to forgive isn't as easy as I'd hoped. I'll admit I have a hard time forgiving others, let alone myself and what transpired really bothered me. Granted I'm partly responsible for what happened, but still. I'm trying to put it all behind but then, fear would rear its head in and makes me second guess my decision. Either you trust or you don't. And as much I'd like to think I do, having doubts says otherwise. It'll take work but I want to be the Kris I used to be, and trusted completely.

Anyway, we were supposed to see Adele tonight but her show got cancelled. Funny how this ticket outlets work. Paid $53 with the "convenience fees" and such, yet you only get the face value back. But then like I'd stop seeing live shows haha.

Oh, over the weekend, we went with our neighbor to a scavenger hunt but ended up getting sidetracked while in Georgetown. If you find yourself in the area, make sure you stop by Georgetown Cupcake. GD, granted the cupcake's $2.75 each, they are HEAVENLY. You can't not smile after having a Chocolate C2 if you love chocolate.

Well, got tasked to pick up a system so gotta run now. Bye!

Ce Jue!?

I have NO clue what she's singing about but I think I'm gonna go see her live...yes?

Can you imagine!!?

If I would have graduated in 1954...



















and in 1960...



















and 1970 :D

Six Feet Under

To anyone who loves this show or want to own it, Best Buy is selling each season for $19.99. Granted it would be nice to buy the whole series in one box, I checked even at Amazon and it runs around $212 for the gift set, then factor in shipping and handling. Your local Best Buy might have it too so you can make a stop there.

I haven't watched the whole series but loved the ones I've seen so far. There's 3500 minutes of my life :D The show makes me think though, and makes me appreciate being alive more. Though of course, time I could be spending 'living' I'm gonnabe 'watching.' Such an irony haha.

Is it true what they say....

Okay, our neighbor said that a pet sooner or later takes after its owner. She said I look like ours. I've gotten this a few times when I happen to be out and about. Do you think that's true!? The dog's cute so I guess that works haha.

Back to woik

It's Monday and I'm back at our DC office once again. My coworker's in training so I'm subbing for her. I don't mind since it's nice to get away from th e main office and work here where it's a lot more laid back and I kinda do my own thing.

C- was actually gone last week since he went to Chicago to visit his family. Birthday was good, I got an iPhone and we went to a Korean BBQ for dinner. I had a previous post about it but felt it was too emotional so took it down. My mom had me pick a Kenneth Cole shoes, and I went with this style, was told it looks like my shoes got rained on haha but it's too late to return it now.

Thursday, I stopped by my mom's work so I can pick her up and take her to the next one. It was fun, we had a good laugh. We stopped by Rita's Ice and got some custards, yum. We got to talking about relationships and I got custard all over my face because of what she said. It was about our neighbors in the Philippines, and how the mom while crying said "Can you fulfill the need in me?" to her kids about her staying with their dad. It was just funny in Tagalog.. One of those things you had to be there, damnit!

Sunday, we ended up having dinner with this couple that live in our complex, and the girl's sister. They invited me few nights ago for dinner since they knew that C- was gone, and she said she know that it gets lonely when your bf's away. It was nice, we had shishkabob's, and some drinks. Then we let the dogs play for a while. Caeden and their dog look almost identical so he's like Caeden's big brother. We had a talk for a while too, touching on different things. Relationships, work, food, Don't ask, don't tell in the military which is partly why I got out when my time was up.

That's about it really. I interviewed for a job two weeks ago but didn't hear back so guess that's a no go. Ah well, if it wasn't meant to be, it's not gonna happen. That's about it really, some other things happened but best to not talk about it here :)

Makes me wanna get a cat

more cat pictures

24 years and 6 months ago...

that this picture was taken. If you click the pic, it'll take you to my flickr page which has pics from the time I was a baby up until now, when I turn 25.

Because you hungry, you hungry!!

It looks like these commercials came out a year ago but I just saw it today. Go meat!!

It's all in the lighting...

Where the computer desk goes MAKES a difference as to how you look on cam. I'm not liking where it is right now since it's far from the sunlight. Look at the previous ones, and this, singing along to 'I Think I Need A New Heart' by The Magnetic Fields.

The Magnetic Fields

Yay, I got tickets to The Magnetic Fields concert!! I waited too long when it went on sale Tuesday, and now got terrace seats but oh well, I'll still get to see them :D Some of you might know, perhaps even have seen them live, but they're known for their 69 Love Songs. That CD made me want to learn to play the guitar, granted I bought one, I have yet to learn to play. I think I might have to find a teacher rather than trying to learn it from a DVD.

It was actually one of their songs that the name of this blog came from. I really didn't think I was gonna keep that name, but yet three years later, it's still around.

Time stands still
All I can feel is the time standing still

as you put down the keys and say don't call me please
while the radio plays

"I Think I Need a New Heart" ohhh
"I Think I Need a New Heart" ohhh

You've lied too but it's a sin that I
can't tell the truth
cause it all comes out wrong unless I put it in a song
so the radio plays "I Think I Need a New Heart"
just for you "I Think I Need a New Heart"

cause I always say I love you when I mean turn out the light
and I say let's run away when I just mean stay the night
but the words you want to hear you will never hear from me

I'll never say "happy anniversary"
never stay to say "happy anniversary"

so I think I need a new heart ohhh
I think I need a new heart ohhh
I think I need a new heart ohhh
I think I need a new heart ohhh
Give me time

Weekend update

Well, I'm here in the DC office this week since my coworker's on vacation. One day down, and I actually like it so far. It just feels more laid back since I'm the only IT person here the issues that has come up haven't been that difficult.

So the weekend... Friday night, we ended up having my mom and her friend over for dinner. They brought some Peruvian meal which was good. We just sat on the floor since we're not using the dining table and watched Takeshi's Castle which I've enjoyed watching since I was a kid. One of the things that made me want to live in Japan. I mean where else can you see this type a game show these days. Never fails to crack me up...



Saturday, we made our rounds to some stores trying to pick out some things for the apartment. The bedroom's been painted, bathroom's done with matching shower curtains, rugs, etc. The only thing left is the living room. Spend most of the day doing that really, then in the evening met up with this one couple we've e-mailed with in the past few weeks for dinner at Thai Chili. It was nice, spent it mostly talking and laughing, getting to know each other. Us four balanced each other out it looks like, you've got 2 introverts and 2 extroverts. We touched up on different topics, relationships, psychology, coming out, etc so it was interesting. We've talked about getting together again so hopefully that happens soon since at times, when I meet people online, we make plans that never materialiaze so that sucks but ah well. After that, we just went home and started watching Be Kind Rewind. It was alright, didn't like it much so I went to bed 20 minutes in.

Sunday, did the same really. Went to some stores yet again to get things for the apartment which is turning out good, I'd have to say. We finished painting one wall of the living room and put up the 'entertainment area' as well. What you see in the picture is actually the blue we painted it with, then will finish the other ones with brown as shown. Just debating with the couch now. We initially were gonna get Kramfors but considering Karlstad. They don't have it in khaki or tan so will probably go with the blue one, same as the wall color. Either that, or maybe the light blue-gray Kramforms. Thinking about getting a wireless surround sound since C- thinks the wires would be bothersome. Anyone who has wireless ones? How's that experience?

Guess that's it for now, heading home shortly. Take care!

Flashback

My friend e-mailed this to me last week. It took a second before it registered that it was me on the pic early '06, after moving to VA two months prior.

All moved

Well, I'm back at work today after taking yesterday off. We got everything moved so glad about that, it'll be a matter of unpacking now and trying to find a place for things. We bought paints for the rooms yesterday and I just found out, after calling C-, that he has started painting already. Funny how we went right at it, sometimes I had to tell him to take it slow since we'll have a year to get it together. I know the sooner the better, but still...

That's the main thing really. Will post some pics up when I take some.. Aside from that, I'm doing early shift once again. I'm working 6:30 - 3 from now on so will need to adjust my sleeping schedule a bit, not that I ever had any :D So hmm, not sure if I'll put the job search on hold. Some folks called and wants to set up an interview so will see. I hate those things but there's no getting around it.

Oh, the prez signed the new GI Bill so yayyy, glad when I read that. It'll help a lot since right now, if you're using it, schools won't really give you any additional aid so it's like what the french toast!? It's kinda the same if I had not joined then..

Will have to go by the DMV since I can't find my license. I've looked everywhere I can think of and nothing, hopefully it's not too busy. So that's it in a nutshell, some other happened that I really won't elaborate on but I wasn't a nice guy for a brief time over the weekend, and then, became Woe-is-me for something that was said. Crazy how few words or actions can trigger things...

We also watched Wall-E, and it was great! Pixar sure makes some good movies. Check it out if you can! That's it, running to a meeting now.

Got a place

*Ugh, the power went out here at work, thank god I didn't lose my post*

Whew, the week's almost over and it's a good thing we have a place to move to. The lease to where we live now ends this Sunday so need to make sure that everything's moved out by then. This past few days, I've actually left for work 3-4 hrs early so I can stop by some properties to take a look at what they have for rent. Some I did like but the prices just seemed to be a bit too much. Granted it'll be nice but I don't think I'm gonna sleep any better paying for a more expensive place. Oh yeah, the place we were moving to was the one I mentioned in the previous post. We initially didn't like the floor plan but with the apartment not coming through, we went with this. We might have to just get rid of the dining table and get bar stools instead but will see. Ikea here we gooo!

Our main concern is the space really. At the moment, we're living in a studio...C-, the dog (Caeden) and I. This past year has really been an adjustment period for us. It took me longer to sorta let go of how I like things to be. I didn't realize how set I was in doing things a certain way which it looks like can be difficult for others. Anywho, we're getting a 2-BR this time so excited about that. It's not definite yet as to what we'll do with the 2nd room. Keep it as a guest room (if we can afford to), or rent it out to a stranger, or even to my mom (Carlos' idea) so that we can have more home-cooked meals. We can have a trial period I suppose and depending how that goes, she can either stay or go. He's open to it though I'm the one really giving it some thought. I guess with there being separate bedrooms, I can go to the room and lock it if they're a bit too much hahaha. They get along really great now so am glad about that. He likes taking her out and having her get a make over. Did I mention she got her haircut pretty much above her shoulders!? The shortest she's ever cut it in a lifetime, her being 48 and all.

I was a bit stressed out with this job. There's been an audit going on, and I got interviewed twice for what seemed like an eternity. I really didn't have answers to some of their questions, usually except that 'this is what I was shown how things are done when I started here' which is true in a sense. Granted I'm partly at fault for not finding things that I can improve on but bleh. I'm administering a program I've never heard of until working here. D-man knows of my saga of almost quitting two weeks after I started. Anywho, the contracting world is crrrazy. I'm dealing with it first hand as far as outside companies bidding on it and all that good stuff.

Pretty much in a nutshell, I'm with XY company, working for XX. XX put the slots up for bidding, so now, YZ, ZZ and all other companies are bidding on the contract. So other companies could win, but instead of working for XY, I'll work for the winning company if they take me on board, but still work for XX. I haaate it. I've applied to some government and county jobs, and the wait for that lol. It'll probably be next year before I hear back heehee. I can always fall back to being a Spice Girl *grins

Maybe I'll put an ad just to test if folks would hire me as a PA. Hmmm, I'm organized, I'll get your shizz in order, and would it help I'm size 11? It's big so I can kick your ass to keep you in line. Big feet makes a difference. Or I can be a stripper. Don't laugh, my mom knows I've wanted to be one since I was young. Ah dreams, must be nice to hope for the thing you wish to want... Sure beats doing it! LOL, things I learn from Strangers with Candy.

Like a wise saying from "Doctor" Iris Puffybush..."Dreams are a great thing, but y'know something, they take a lot of energy. But that's OK. There's a job waiting for you down the block from your house that doesn't require a thought in your head or a hope in your heart. So come on down and work for the artificial flower factory. Why fight it? Okay? Thank you." If I can find that job, I'd be set!!!

That's about it really. I have yet to take exams and stuff for my distance learning classes. I'm seriously considering dropping them since I can't learn like that, I learn in a classroom environment better. I like the interaction with the teacher better, and hearing stories about things they've seen and done.

The ocean breathes salty, won't you carry it in?

I discovered this band through my friend, and I sure do love some of their songs. A vid I made when I'm bored, pardon the "mic" haha :) Though make sure to read the lyrics, it actually has a good message...



Your body may be gone, I'm gonna carry you in.
In my head, in my heart, in my soul.
And maybe we'll get lucky and we'll both live again.
Well I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Don't think so.

Well that is that and this is this.
You tell me what you want and I'll tell you what you get.
You get away from me. You get away from me.
Collected my belongings and I left the jail.
Well thanks for the time, I needed to think a spell.
I had to think awhile. I had to think awhile.

The ocean breathes salty, won't you carry it in?
In your head, in your mouth, in your soul.
And maybe we'll get lucky and we'll both grow old.
Well I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I hope so.

Well that is that and this is this.
You tell me what you want and I'll tell you what you get.
You get away from me. You get away from me.
Collected my belongings and I left the jail.
Well thanks for the time, I needed to think a spell.
I had to think awhile. I had to think awhile.

Well that is that and this is this.
Will you tell me what you saw and I'll tell you what you missed,
when the ocean met the sky.
You missed when time and life shook hands and said goodbye.
When the earth folded on itself.
And said "Good luck, for your sake I hope heaven and hell
are really there, but I wouldn't hold my breath."
You wasted life, why wouldn't you waste death?
You wasted life, why wouldn't you waste death?

The ocean breathes salty, won't you carry it in?
In your head, in your mouth, in your soul.
The more we move ahead the more we're stuck in rewind.
Well I don't mind. I don't mind. How the hell could I mind?

Well that is that and this is this.
You tell me what you want and I'll tell you what you get.
You get away from me. You get away from me.

Well that is that and this is this.
Will you tell me what you saw and I'll tell you what you missed,
when the ocean met the sky.
You wasted life, why wouldn't you waste the afterlife?

Almost midnight

Wow, I mixed pineapple and bourbon and I'm feeling it now. I wanted to get a buzz since I only drink here and there and miss the warmth it gives my body. Things have been alright for the most part....

It's not definite whether our contract at work will get renewed or what, so I put out my resume to get a feel of the responses. People have called so guess that's a relief. I have yet to call any back but wrote all their information down already. I applied to some county and government jobs though I know those will take a while. Keeping my hopes up since those are more stable than contract positions. With the current job, I didn't know the contract was up for rebidding this Sept, if I had known, I'm not sure if I would have taken it in the first place but I guess you live and learn.

It was actually Pride the previous weekend but really didn't go to any events. We went out Friday night but I didn't feel too well the next day so stayed home mostly. I looked at some apartments in the morning, but had to stop midday since I felt sick. Might have been due to not drinking enough water. Sunday, C- and I looked at some places and put in an application to two places. Approved on one but still waiting on the other one that we initially wanted. The second one just had an odd floor plan. Right when you walk in, that's where the 'dining room' would be so would be blocking your path to the living room soo hmm, but will see. Here's its floor plan

It was Father's day that day too and after not having heard from my dad since that day in April I told him I was gay, I sent a text message wishing him a Happy Father's Day. His response: "TKS MAN...GIVE ME A MOMENT...UR NEWS TOOK ME FOR A LOOP" After that, I just didn't respond back and will just leave things and give him some space. He knows how to reach me. That's about it really.

Aside from that, still working on making some friends here in the area. I dunno but it just seems like it's a lot harder when you're older. Granted I have a bf, it's still different to have friends to shoot the shit the breeze with and talk things with, ya know!? It's like sometimes you can't help not to think if there's something wrong with you? People say you're funny, sweet yada yada but at the same time, great that doesn't do me any good since no one sticks around to be my friend. Pardon my venting but I just miss having a core set of friends like I did when I was younger. It just gets frustrating on some days that you can't help not to wonder. All the friends I made in the military are spread out in different states so that can only do so much. I need some in the flesh, someone I can just call up and say 'Meet me here.' Anywho, I know it's not doing me any good just writing about it. I've posted on craigslist, did volunteer but nothing but I'm gonna keep trying. In life, there should be balance and it just feels like I'm lacking in the friendship department.. Ugh, I hate when I get contemplative. I think about things too much.

Granted I'm grateful for what I have now, but there's always room for improvement. Goodnight and goodbye.

Not sure about going black and blue...

OK, not really so much a post but have you guys/gal heard of Adele? She has a song out called Chasing Pavements and you can see the video here. We saw her live this Tuesday and she was great, just wow!! She sounded just like she did on her album.. Her US tour's almost over though so I know it's kinda late but never to grab her CD.

Her songs are simple but lovely. There's a lot of sadness in them, though some made me go 'Oh shit!' since I haven't been the greatest to the bf and it just seemed that she's singing about things I've done :( She covered a Bob Dylan song 'Make you feel love' and it brought tears to my eyes. I've never heard the song prior to her singing it but now, it's one of my favorites. A vid of her performance and the words to the song..



When the rain is blowing in your face
And the whole world is on your case
I could offer you a warm embrace
To make you feel my love

When the evening shadows and the stars appear
And there is no one there to dry your tears
I could hold you for a million years
To make you feel my love

I know you haven't made your mind up yet
But I would never do you wrong
I've known it from the moment that we met
No doubt in my mind where you belong

I'd go hungry I'd go black and blue
I'd go crawling down the avenue
No, there's nothing that I wouldn't do
To make you feel my love

The storms are raging on the rolling sea
And on the highway of regret though winds of change
Are throwing wild and free you ain't seen nothing
Like me yet

I could make you happy make your dreams come true
Nothing that I wouldn't do go to the ends of the Earth for you
To make you feel my love

Stay down

Few months ago during a rough period, C- had me listen to this song and I cried since it really hit a spot. Freaky when songs do that to you. Some bloggers know some of the crazy things that has happened, that I didn't really talk about here since writing about it would not have made sense...

Anyway, it's one year today that C- and I met. Who would have thunk we would be together after that casual meeting this time last year. At the same time, I'm thankful. There was, dare I to say magic, that day that we met, and sadly I forget that sometimes when I get caught up with the little things. I'm not the easiest person to deal with to be honest. But still, he stuck with me. Happy Anniv kiddo!

Did ya know(x7) (that I love you)
Did ya know(x7) (and I want you.)

I'll admit things aint been the way I thought they would be.
Didn't expect so much stress to develop between me and you.
I knew that it wasn't easy but sometimes when we fight it don't seem like God's design ,
but then I hear words you said and I promise I would stand for you and be true throughout the bad and the good.

And I know what it means to be committed.
So here's a word for you , but you just sing with it..

(Stay Down) We're almost to the very best part.
(Stay Down) You'll always be the pride of my heart.
(Stay Down) We too can past the test
(Stay Down) Yeah we got a lot of work.
(Stay Down) I know it ain't been the best but it certainly ain't been the worst.
(Stay Down) The drama will not last forever (stay down) we'll beat it as long as we're together.
One day we'll look back on this , we'll be like 'remember this?' and it's gonna make us smile 'cause in the end we stayed down..

I ain't gonna lie , at times you amaze me.
You be talking and I swear that you're crazy but,
I learned a long time ago that pride don't help , it only hurts.
And I just want you to know ,
I need ya baby (I need you)
I'm just like Weezy baby , not Weezy like the rapper baby but the wife of George , and we're moving on up.

10 years strong and we're looking like a plan.
Im looking like your woman and you're looking like my man.
We looking like real and the haters look fake ,
especially when they hear me say..

(Stay Down) We're almost to the very best part.
(Stay Down) You'll always have a place in my heart.
(Stay Down) We too can past the test
(Stay Down) Ya know we got a lot of work.
(Stay Down) I know it ain't been the best but it certainly ain't been the worst.
(Stay Down) The drama will not last forever (stay down) we'll beat it as long as we're together.
One day we'll look back on this , we'll be like 'remember this?' and it's gonna make us smile 'cause in the end we stayed down..

(Understand you are the one in my heart) And I'm holding on so we can't live apart.
(When things stop making sense we'll figure it out) I walked into this and I don't wanna walk out no , no.

Everything ain't gonna be how we like and what is worth keeping if it didn't take a fight?
Your healing is in me (me)
Amd my healing is in you (you)
So get your mind right , 'cause here's what we gonna do..

(Stay Down) We're almost to the very best part.
(Stay Down) You'll always be the pride of my heart.
(Stay Down) We too can past the test
(Stay Down) Ya know we got a lot of work.
(Stay Down) I know it ain't been the best but it certainly ain't been the worst.
(Stay Down) The drama will not last forever (stay down) we'll beat it as long as we're together.
One day we'll look back on this , we'll be like 'remember this?' and it's gonna make us smile 'cause in the end we stayed down..

Did ya know(x7) (that I love you)
Did ya know(x7)

- Mary J. Blige

Video me

Well, here's the vid mentioned from the previous post. I just get nervous when people go here and the first thing they'd see is me in a video. Oh well, I'd get over it one day :D I think I might start doing video posts once a week actually, just a thought...

May...

I actually was gonna post a video blog instead few days ago but decided not to, as to why I do not know. I guess I was a bit nervous what people would think of me, and here I was thinking I'm past all that.

The weather has been a bit crazy here in the Northern VA/DC area. We lost power at work for about 3 hrs but they had generators though so I still had to stay 'til 8 which is my shift in the time being. I'm really hoping to get back to a "normal" schedule soon. I thought I liked this shift since I get some quiet time from 6-8 when just about everyone's gone but it's getting boring. I get out and really can't do much since everything's almost closed by then.

I actually witnessed an accident on the Capital Beltway and I guess it shook me up a bit. There was a truck that was stalled to my left lane, and a truck from two lanes to the left actually went to that lane, not realizing that the other truck was stopped. We were driving right next to
each other, and when I saw what was about to happen, I just looked rather than actually switching lanes to get far from it. The second truck finally saw the stalled truck and he quickly changed lanes to try to avoid hitting it. But since it was a big truck, the back part didn't move quite as fast and it smashed right into the stalled one. I saw debris flying in the air and I just though Oh shit!! If the truck would have veered right, I would have been hit. I checked the rear view mirror to see if the driver was okay, and he didn't get hit so that's a good thing. But still, I can only imagine what was going through inside him right at that moment. I probably would start crying, I don't know.

I'm not sure if I've mentioned that my mom finally got a full-time job and will get benefits soon enough. I'm really glad for her, she's come a long way from the time she arrived last year. She's become more independent and last night when I spoke to her on the phone, it was a good
talk overall which lasted for an hour and a half, like we used to do before she came here. I was set though, on not giving in and giving some extra money to cover the rent. I know she's making enough now, with the full-time job and a part-time one she's doing. I was paying for her full rent for a while and it kinda got to me, as some blogger-friends would know. I tried not to post about it here but vented to two of 'em when I talk to them online. It was a nice conversation since growing up, we really never had these talks. We ended up crying here and there during the talk. It started when my Dad became the subject. She was saying how she loved him with all her heart and that when he married someone else, it broke her heart. We talked about how she didn't pay mind to all the other guys that are even offering to marry her because she was in love with him. I chuckled when she told me that even before she actually knew my dad, she used to get jealous when he'd bring girls with him where she worked at.It's one of those things she can't explain either as to what it was about my dad that made her love him that much. After him, she really didn't see anyone else until I was about 14 or 15 yrs old. She focused completely on raising me. I look just like my dad so yea, there's something not right there lol.

Me being gay came up as well how my dad probably blames her and her side of the family for it. I told her that it really had nothing to do with how I was raised. She asked if I've told him yet, and I lied and said No since I know how she gets. She seems to take it harder when things happen to me, that I would just think "I'm the one in the center of all this and this has really nothing to do with you!" but I guess, that whole seeing "how your loved one is hurt hurts you more" comes into play. We talked about relationships, lessons she's learned in life so am glad she's grown a lot and has become her own self. She has spent a long time listening to what others tell her to do, but those are all gone. I sometimes feel like a father telling her to live her own life now and do what makes HER happy. She's a really good person and she's
really devoted to the family, to a fault that she thinks about everybody but herself.

We also talked about how when she got married and I didn't like my stepdad initially. How it was the same thing when she moved here and didn't like that I'm in a relationship with C- and living with him. She was like, Now you know how it was for me. I chuckled since I didn't think about it like that until then. Growing up, I really ended up just bottling everything in since it really didn't feel like I had anyone I can talk to. I think I just dealt with it the best (not the healthiest) way that I can. But still, I had enough sense not to get into any addiction. Didn't drink, didn't smoke, didn't try illegal substances. As long as I had my dose of Spice(Girls) when I was a teenager, I was set. Kinda silly but ya know, it made me happy and that was enough.

It might sound like I had a really fucked up life but it's really a mix, the good balances the bad. My family was loving yet crazy in some ways but no family is perfect, or do they actually exist? If they do, please let me know, I'd want to meet them.

It's been good for the most part. I know it's been a few weeks but Memorial Day weekend was nice. We did touristy things here in the DC area. Went to Mt Vernon which was where George Washington lived, rented a bike and rode it for 10-15 miles from DC over the bridge to Virginia. I was sore a few days after but it's good overall. There are more pictures when you click the pic to the left, we took this when we were resting.

Last weekend, I volunteered for Stonewall Regatta. It was a rowing competition hosted by the DC Strokes and they had competitors from different areas. I had a good time, I was a timer at the finish line. I think it's something I'm gonna try to get into eventually. Their Learning to Row program was full but I did e-mail them saying I'd be interested to be in the program. Though it probably would be a good idea to learn how to swim first. I posted an ad looking for someone to teach me, but didn't know that C- knows how to swim so he's gonna be the one teaching me. With moving and all, it might have to wait 'til July.

That's about it really, and here I was thinking I had nothing to blog about anymore...

Somewhere, somehow...

Am I the only one who knows who this band is?



This vid cracks me up lol. I'm learning the choreography just because...As to whether that will see the light of day who knows...