Anywho, here's a shot of the sky today. It might have been sunny throughout but it's just nice to look at again. Wish everyone a good weekend. And here's a view of what I pass by daily, on my way to and fro work.
Friday, September 29, 2006
Another day
Hmm, was off the past three days. Came in today, and just got informed I didn't have to work the weekend any longer but just show up Monday morning. It's my first weekend off in about five months nowand I've no clue what to do. Maybe I'll go out tonight, that is if I get this one girl to come out..Haven't seen her in ages, actually close to half a year. I'd leave her voicemail but she doesn't call back, yet leave comments on myspace. Gyaaaa, myspace is evil. But guess it's one of those necessary ones. Just about everyone I know uses it.
Anywho, here's a shot of the sky today. It might have been sunny throughout but it's just nice to look at again. Wish everyone a good weekend. And here's a view of what I pass by daily, on my way to and fro work.
Anywho, here's a shot of the sky today. It might have been sunny throughout but it's just nice to look at again. Wish everyone a good weekend. And here's a view of what I pass by daily, on my way to and fro work.
Thursday, September 28, 2006
Does anyone know?
I got an e-mail back from the manager I interviewed for about the Help Desk position last week. They've been a bit busy and haven't had a chance to speak with the actual organization I'm going to be working for. I feel good about this though at the same time, I'm second guessing myself as to whether this is something I'd want to do. Of course, with taking this position, I'm gonnabe relocating in the DC area and would have to remain in the east coast. At one point, I was really gung ho about this idea, since living in DC, I could just catch a train that'll take me to New York, a city that I've come to love.
This past week though, I've been catching up with some old friends and has kinda been reassessing as far as to where I would move. First was Ja- that I went to high school with when I was still in the Philippines. She's been living in Hawaii for a few years, and is happily married to a Navy guy. It was really nice to catch up with her again though it's only been months since I spoke to her. She's pregnant and will be giving birth to a baby girl in early 2007. We talked about different things, what's been going on in our lives, me with my pending separation from the mil. Somehow I ended up speaking with her husband since he had some computer problems he's trying to fix. We spoke for a little bit, and it came up that they're actually gonnabe relocating soon to San Diego, California. He's a bit worried, with the baby on the way, and the stress of moving, he's gonna have to head out to sea come January. I was quite shocked when he mentioned that we can all rent a house together and become housemates.
I'm quite flattered that he would offer something like that, considering we've never even met. It appears Ja- has told him about me through the years, and she even mentioned that he knows I'm a homo.... a homosapien that is. I got a bit nervous when she said this, but she said he really has no problem with it. I guess it's good that he would trust me completely to look after his family while he's away. That's one option I've kinda considered but hmm, would really have to give this some thought.
These past few weeks, I've also been talking to another friend C- about me moving to Washington. I knew him during my 3-year tour in Japan, though we became really, really good friends during my last year over there. I'll admit I kinda held back when I just started living there, since I tried not to get attached to people knowing that they're gonna have to leave sooner or later. He's a cool guy though. He actually took me out the first weekend I started work, and showed me around Tachikawa which is a city nearby Yokota AB. That was my first taste of gyudon (beef bowl) which I've come to love during my stay there.
C- just came back to after spending four years in Japan. We've joked about being roommates a few times, and I've been considering it more and more as I'm nearing my separation date. I got really close to even changing my pay statement and have it reflect WA as my home state. However, after reading up on the topic, it would not have done me any good yet since I would have to have been living there for a year before I can get considered for in-state tuition rates as far as going to school which he and I are planning to do. I also spoke just today with our other friend Jo- which just separated from the mil as well, and will be moving to Cali from Jersey where he was stationed this past 18 months. It was good speaking with him again, considering he doesn't like talking on the phone. I'm glad he picked up instead of letting it go to voicemail which he usually does. He's another one C- is considering rooming with though we'll have to see since he's gonna head out to Cali for a bit.
I was a bit surprised that I was pretty honest with him on the phone earlier. I told him how I missed the old crew, and how it's been a bit rough trying to make friends with our stateside assignments. Maybe I just haven't tried hard enough these past nine months I've been in Virginia, but I've barely made friends here. I've some people though it kinda fizzled after a little while. With one, the friendship appeared to have stopped right after we got to attend a PostSecret/Found event in Alexandria which was what brought us together in the first place. Guess that was the embodiment of when they say that people show up in your life for a reason, or when someone has served their purpose.
Getting back to Jo-, he said that he felt the same way as well. He's not definite yet as to whether he'll move up to Washington just yet, but he's considering it. It was actually his and C-'s idea about this whole living together things, and I just chuckle when they'd mention it to me and thinking Ha! Like I'd want to see you guys again after we get out of the military. Yet now, I definitely do and get excited over it. I mentioned to Jo- that I was actually just gonna go back to Florida and finish my school there. But he said no! Florida's too far. He said you'd have to be in the West Coast, or you can even move to Colorado. I said do i know anybody there? He said it doesn't matter, Colorado's close enough but not Florida. Heck, you could even move to Cali. He went on how I'd fit in no problem moving down to California since I dress well, and cares about how I look. He reiterated the fact that I'm into fashion, while he on the other hand, just puts on a t-shirt and pants and be all set.
Well, I was buying Men's Health and GQ magazine here and there when we were all in Yokota and somehow he got this thought that I'm sooo up to date with the latest fashion trends (really not true). I got embarrassed one time when he told some acquaintances that I'm all about fashion, and has all these magazines, and I pretty much smiled and told him to shut up. There's a reason to this though which I'll delve more into later on, but it was because of a guy that I fell for (dare I say one that broke my heart and didn't know it) But yea, I'm not really too concerned as far as looks go. I don't have a chiseled chest, a washboard abs even. It'll be nice for it to be flat, but it'll take a bit of work. That I have yet to figure out. I've been trying but it won't go away haha, guess I'll have to keep at it for a while before I see a change. I'm an instant gratification kinda person, and wants to see the effects immediately and not have to wait a few weeks for my abs to show, for instance.
As far as Florida goes, I'm still considering moving there. However, it wouldn't be to where my family lives. If I do move, it'll be in Orlando which is about six hours away at least Pensacola. There's really nothing for me in the area since I didn't have a life during the two years I stayed there. Well, I went to finish high school but that's about it. Really didn't make any friends since everybody's in their own little groups already. Oh and I was shy too. Orlando is another option of mine, though what will end up happening is that I'm gonna drive down there from here and more than likely, stay in a cheap ho... excuse me.. economical hotel while I try to find a place to live. I would e-mail some people before I arrived and would check them out one by one and go from there. I don't know anybody in the area, well except one guy (introduced to each other through a mutual net friend) I've been talking to since June after coming back from the Philippines. I've sometimes toyed about the idea of moving some place far away where nobody knew me, and just start over. No history for people to be judged, just that moment I plant roots in that city/town, and writing a new chapter in my life. I haven't had those feelings lately, but with that idea, it's mostly the family that would push me into it. They drive me nuts sometimes, as much as I love them. Though as we're nearing the completion of what I set out to do for them, I can finally take a seat back and start thinking more of me.
I'll be going to school full time if I do go back to Florida. As to what field, I do not know yet. Was considering just sticking with computers but it doesn't look like it's really what I'd want to get into too much. C- mentioned that he figured I'll get into the medical field, which I think I might have talked to him about. My mom told me how I used to go on and on about becoming a doctor when I was young since I felt bad for the kids that I saw at the hospital since some of the doctors tended to me first instead of the other kids. She said this was due to me speaking only English when I was a kid. I don't recall telling her that, but like she said, I don't remember a lot of things we talked about haha. Only way for me to find out though is by doing it so guess I'll see once I start taking some courses in the medical science. I'd probably minor in Psychology and major in I don't know yet. That's why I'm having second thoughts about just jumping into technical job after I get out. Going to school will be the time that I can figure out what I want, or get an idea of it at least since who really knows what they want?
When I think about it though, it mostly comes down to being able to do something good for others. I kinda get that right now with what I'm doing. It's mostly the reason why I've stuck with Helpdesk positions since it brings me that good feeling, being able to help out the customers any way I can. Of course, I get those days where I just wanna strangle the customer or just don't want to deal with another call. It's been good. I think I'd want to do something where I can deal with people on a more personal level. I don't get it too much with my present position, but has found a way to make it work. That's what happens sometimes though, we get put in circumstances where we have to make do with what we have. Just gotta find a way for that something to give you joy, no matter what it takes. I would say happiness but that's fleeting so joy it is, since one would want something that is long lasting.
It is difficult to be happy when everyone around you is sad. This is why we need joy. It can be quite challenging to remain happy when you face the unknown, unexpected, unplanned events of life. This is why we must develop a sense of inner joy. When the job disappears, the marriage goes sour, the children act up, the car breaks down, all in one day--a day when there is fifteen inches of snow on the ground, and your best friend is out of town--you will have to reach real far to find something to be happy about. If, on the other hand, all of this is going on and you have joy in your heart, you will remember the words of the spiritual, "It will be all over in the morning!" Even if the morning is days, weeks, months, or years in coming, joy can sustain you as long as it takes. When you get right down to it, happiness is a sense of feeling full in response to the circumstances and events of life. Joy is a state of being fulfilled simply because you are alive. - One day my soul just opened up, by Iyanla Vanzant
And so I wish you joy.
This past week though, I've been catching up with some old friends and has kinda been reassessing as far as to where I would move. First was Ja- that I went to high school with when I was still in the Philippines. She's been living in Hawaii for a few years, and is happily married to a Navy guy. It was really nice to catch up with her again though it's only been months since I spoke to her. She's pregnant and will be giving birth to a baby girl in early 2007. We talked about different things, what's been going on in our lives, me with my pending separation from the mil. Somehow I ended up speaking with her husband since he had some computer problems he's trying to fix. We spoke for a little bit, and it came up that they're actually gonnabe relocating soon to San Diego, California. He's a bit worried, with the baby on the way, and the stress of moving, he's gonna have to head out to sea come January. I was quite shocked when he mentioned that we can all rent a house together and become housemates.
I'm quite flattered that he would offer something like that, considering we've never even met. It appears Ja- has told him about me through the years, and she even mentioned that he knows I'm a homo.... a homosapien that is. I got a bit nervous when she said this, but she said he really has no problem with it. I guess it's good that he would trust me completely to look after his family while he's away. That's one option I've kinda considered but hmm, would really have to give this some thought.
These past few weeks, I've also been talking to another friend C- about me moving to Washington. I knew him during my 3-year tour in Japan, though we became really, really good friends during my last year over there. I'll admit I kinda held back when I just started living there, since I tried not to get attached to people knowing that they're gonna have to leave sooner or later. He's a cool guy though. He actually took me out the first weekend I started work, and showed me around Tachikawa which is a city nearby Yokota AB. That was my first taste of gyudon (beef bowl) which I've come to love during my stay there.
C- just came back to after spending four years in Japan. We've joked about being roommates a few times, and I've been considering it more and more as I'm nearing my separation date. I got really close to even changing my pay statement and have it reflect WA as my home state. However, after reading up on the topic, it would not have done me any good yet since I would have to have been living there for a year before I can get considered for in-state tuition rates as far as going to school which he and I are planning to do. I also spoke just today with our other friend Jo- which just separated from the mil as well, and will be moving to Cali from Jersey where he was stationed this past 18 months. It was good speaking with him again, considering he doesn't like talking on the phone. I'm glad he picked up instead of letting it go to voicemail which he usually does. He's another one C- is considering rooming with though we'll have to see since he's gonna head out to Cali for a bit.
I was a bit surprised that I was pretty honest with him on the phone earlier. I told him how I missed the old crew, and how it's been a bit rough trying to make friends with our stateside assignments. Maybe I just haven't tried hard enough these past nine months I've been in Virginia, but I've barely made friends here. I've some people though it kinda fizzled after a little while. With one, the friendship appeared to have stopped right after we got to attend a PostSecret/Found event in Alexandria which was what brought us together in the first place. Guess that was the embodiment of when they say that people show up in your life for a reason, or when someone has served their purpose.
Getting back to Jo-, he said that he felt the same way as well. He's not definite yet as to whether he'll move up to Washington just yet, but he's considering it. It was actually his and C-'s idea about this whole living together things, and I just chuckle when they'd mention it to me and thinking Ha! Like I'd want to see you guys again after we get out of the military. Yet now, I definitely do and get excited over it. I mentioned to Jo- that I was actually just gonna go back to Florida and finish my school there. But he said no! Florida's too far. He said you'd have to be in the West Coast, or you can even move to Colorado. I said do i know anybody there? He said it doesn't matter, Colorado's close enough but not Florida. Heck, you could even move to Cali. He went on how I'd fit in no problem moving down to California since I dress well, and cares about how I look. He reiterated the fact that I'm into fashion, while he on the other hand, just puts on a t-shirt and pants and be all set.
Well, I was buying Men's Health and GQ magazine here and there when we were all in Yokota and somehow he got this thought that I'm sooo up to date with the latest fashion trends (really not true). I got embarrassed one time when he told some acquaintances that I'm all about fashion, and has all these magazines, and I pretty much smiled and told him to shut up. There's a reason to this though which I'll delve more into later on, but it was because of a guy that I fell for (dare I say one that broke my heart and didn't know it) But yea, I'm not really too concerned as far as looks go. I don't have a chiseled chest, a washboard abs even. It'll be nice for it to be flat, but it'll take a bit of work. That I have yet to figure out. I've been trying but it won't go away haha, guess I'll have to keep at it for a while before I see a change. I'm an instant gratification kinda person, and wants to see the effects immediately and not have to wait a few weeks for my abs to show, for instance.
As far as Florida goes, I'm still considering moving there. However, it wouldn't be to where my family lives. If I do move, it'll be in Orlando which is about six hours away at least Pensacola. There's really nothing for me in the area since I didn't have a life during the two years I stayed there. Well, I went to finish high school but that's about it. Really didn't make any friends since everybody's in their own little groups already. Oh and I was shy too. Orlando is another option of mine, though what will end up happening is that I'm gonna drive down there from here and more than likely, stay in a cheap ho... excuse me.. economical hotel while I try to find a place to live. I would e-mail some people before I arrived and would check them out one by one and go from there. I don't know anybody in the area, well except one guy (introduced to each other through a mutual net friend) I've been talking to since June after coming back from the Philippines. I've sometimes toyed about the idea of moving some place far away where nobody knew me, and just start over. No history for people to be judged, just that moment I plant roots in that city/town, and writing a new chapter in my life. I haven't had those feelings lately, but with that idea, it's mostly the family that would push me into it. They drive me nuts sometimes, as much as I love them. Though as we're nearing the completion of what I set out to do for them, I can finally take a seat back and start thinking more of me.
I'll be going to school full time if I do go back to Florida. As to what field, I do not know yet. Was considering just sticking with computers but it doesn't look like it's really what I'd want to get into too much. C- mentioned that he figured I'll get into the medical field, which I think I might have talked to him about. My mom told me how I used to go on and on about becoming a doctor when I was young since I felt bad for the kids that I saw at the hospital since some of the doctors tended to me first instead of the other kids. She said this was due to me speaking only English when I was a kid. I don't recall telling her that, but like she said, I don't remember a lot of things we talked about haha. Only way for me to find out though is by doing it so guess I'll see once I start taking some courses in the medical science. I'd probably minor in Psychology and major in I don't know yet. That's why I'm having second thoughts about just jumping into technical job after I get out. Going to school will be the time that I can figure out what I want, or get an idea of it at least since who really knows what they want?
When I think about it though, it mostly comes down to being able to do something good for others. I kinda get that right now with what I'm doing. It's mostly the reason why I've stuck with Helpdesk positions since it brings me that good feeling, being able to help out the customers any way I can. Of course, I get those days where I just wanna strangle the customer or just don't want to deal with another call. It's been good. I think I'd want to do something where I can deal with people on a more personal level. I don't get it too much with my present position, but has found a way to make it work. That's what happens sometimes though, we get put in circumstances where we have to make do with what we have. Just gotta find a way for that something to give you joy, no matter what it takes. I would say happiness but that's fleeting so joy it is, since one would want something that is long lasting.
It is difficult to be happy when everyone around you is sad. This is why we need joy. It can be quite challenging to remain happy when you face the unknown, unexpected, unplanned events of life. This is why we must develop a sense of inner joy. When the job disappears, the marriage goes sour, the children act up, the car breaks down, all in one day--a day when there is fifteen inches of snow on the ground, and your best friend is out of town--you will have to reach real far to find something to be happy about. If, on the other hand, all of this is going on and you have joy in your heart, you will remember the words of the spiritual, "It will be all over in the morning!" Even if the morning is days, weeks, months, or years in coming, joy can sustain you as long as it takes. When you get right down to it, happiness is a sense of feeling full in response to the circumstances and events of life. Joy is a state of being fulfilled simply because you are alive. - One day my soul just opened up, by Iyanla Vanzant
And so I wish you joy.
In the morning....
I got an e-mail back from the manager I interviewed for about the Help Desk position last week. They've been a bit busy and haven't had a chance to speak with the actual organization I'm going to be working for. I feel good about this though at the same time, I'm second guessing myself as to whether this is something I'd want to do. Of course, with taking this position, I'm gonnabe relocating in the DC area and would have to remain in the east coast. At one point, I was really gung ho about this idea, since living in DC, I could just catch a train that'll take me to New York, a city that I've come to love.
This past week though, I've been catching up with some old friends and has kinda been reassessing as far as to where I would move. First was Ja- that I went to high school with when I was still in the Philippines. She's been living in Hawaii for a few years, and is happily married to a Navy guy. It was really nice to catch up with her again though it's only been months since I spoke to her. She's pregnant and will be giving birth to a baby girl in early 2007. We talked about different things, what's been going on in our lives, me with my pending separation from the mil. Somehow I ended up speaking with her husband since he had some computer problems he's trying to fix. We spoke for a little bit, and it came up that they're actually gonnabe relocating soon to San Diego, California. He's a bit worried, with the baby on the way, and the stress of moving, he's gonna have to head out to sea come January. I was quite shocked when he mentioned that we can all rent a house together and become housemates.
I'm quite flattered that he would offer something like that, considering we've never even met. It appears Ja- has told him about me through the years, and she even mentioned that he knows I'm a homo.... a homosapien that is. I got a bit nervous when she said this, but she said he really has no problem with it. I guess it's good that he would trust me completely to look after his family while he's away. That's one option I've kinda considered but hmm, would really have to give this some thought.
These past few weeks, I've also been talking to another friend C- about me moving to Washington. I knew him during my 3-year tour in Japan, though we became really, really good friends during my last year over there. I'll admit I kinda held back when I just started living there, since I tried not to get attached to people knowing that they're gonna have to leave sooner or later. He's a cool guy though. He actually took me out the first weekend I started work, and showed me around Tachikawa which is a city nearby Yokota AB. That was my first taste of gyudon (beef bowl) which I've come to love during my stay there.
C- just came back to after spending four years in Japan. We've joked about being roommates a few times, and I've been considering it more and more as I'm nearing my separation date. I got really close to even changing my pay statement and have it reflect WA as my home state. However, after reading up on the topic, it would not have done me any good yet since I would have to have been living there for a year before I can get considered for in-state tuition rates as far as going to school which he and I are planning to do. I also spoke just today with our other friend Jo- which just separated from the mil as well, and will be moving to Cali from Jersey where he was stationed this past 18 months. It was good speaking with him again, considering he doesn't like talking on the phone. I'm glad he picked up instead of letting it go to voicemail which he usually does. He's another one C- is considering rooming with though we'll have to see since he's gonna head out to Cali for a bit.
I was a bit surprised that I was pretty honest with him on the phone earlier. I told him how I missed the old crew, and how it's been a bit rough trying to make friends with our stateside assignments. Maybe I just haven't tried hard enough these past nine months I've been in Virginia, but I've barely made friends here. I've some people though it kinda fizzled after a little while. With one, the friendship appeared to have stopped right after we got to attend a PostSecret/Found event in Alexandria which was what brought us together in the first place. Guess that was the embodiment of when they say that people show up in your life for a reason, or when someone has served their purpose.
Getting back to Jo-, he said that he felt the same way as well. He's not definite yet as to whether he'll move up to Washington just yet, but he's considering it. It was actually his and C-'s idea about this whole living together things, and I just chuckle when they'd mention it to me and thinking Ha! Like I'd want to see you guys again after we get out of the military. Yet now, I definitely do and get excited over it. I mentioned to Jo- that I was actually just gonna go back to Florida and finish my school there. But he said no! Florida's too far. He said you'd have to be in the West Coast, or you can even move to Colorado. I said do i know anybody there? He said it doesn't matter, Colorado's close enough but not Florida. Heck, you could even move to Cali. He went on how I'd fit in no problem moving down to California since I dress well, and cares about how I look. He reiterated the fact that I'm into fashion, while he on the other hand, just puts on a t-shirt and pants and be all set.
Well, I was buying Men's Health and GQ magazine here and there when we were all in Yokota and somehow he got this thought that I'm sooo up to date with the latest fashion trends (really not true). I got embarrassed one time when he told some acquaintances that I'm all about fashion, and has all these magazines, and I pretty much smiled and told him to shut up. There's a reason to this though which I'll delve more into later on, but it was because of a guy that I fell for (dare I say one that broke my heart and didn't know it) But yea, I'm not really too concerned as far as looks go. I don't have a chiseled chest, a washboard abs even. It'll be nice for it to be flat, but it'll take a bit of work. That I have yet to figure out. I've been trying but it won't go away haha, guess I'll have to keep at it for a while before I see a change. I'm an instant gratification kinda person, and wants to see the effects immediately and not have to wait a few weeks for my abs to show, for instance.
As far as Florida goes, I'm still considering moving there. However, it wouldn't be to where my family lives. If I do move, it'll be in Orlando which is about six hours away at least Pensacola. There's really nothing for me in the area since I didn't have a life during the two years I stayed there. Well, I went to finish high school but that's about it. Really didn't make any friends since everybody's in their own little groups already. Oh and I was shy too. Orlando is another option of mine, though what will end up happening is that I'm gonna drive down there from here and more than likely, stay in a cheap ho... excuse me.. economical hotel while I try to find a place to live. I would e-mail some people before I arrived and would check them out one by one and go from there. I don't know anybody in the area, well except one guy (introduced to each other through a mutual net friend) I've been talking to since June after coming back from the Philippines. I've sometimes toyed about the idea of moving some place far away where nobody knew me, and just start over. No history for people to be judged, just that moment I plant roots in that city/town, and writing a new chapter in my life. I haven't had those feelings lately, but with that idea, it's mostly the family that would push me into it. They drive me nuts sometimes, as much as I love them. Though as we're nearing the completion of what I set out to do for them, I can finally take a seat back and start thinking more of me.
I'll be going to school full time if I do go back to Florida. As to what field, I do not know yet. Was considering just sticking with computers but it doesn't look like it's really what I'd want to get into too much. C- mentioned that he figured I'll get into the medical field, which I think I might have talked to him about. My mom told me how I used to go on and on about becoming a doctor when I was young since I felt bad for the kids that I saw at the hospital since some of the doctors tended to me first instead of the other kids. She said this was due to me speaking only English when I was a kid. I don't recall telling her that, but like she said, I don't remember a lot of things we talked about haha. Only way for me to find out though is by doing it so guess I'll see once I start taking some courses in the medical science. I'd probably minor in Psychology and major in I don't know yet. That's why I'm having second thoughts about just jumping into technical job after I get out. Going to school will be the time that I can figure out what I want, or get an idea of it at least since who really knows what they want?
When I think about it though, it mostly comes down to being able to do something good for others. I kinda get that right now with what I'm doing. It's mostly the reason why I've stuck with Helpdesk positions since it brings me that good feeling, being able to help out the customers any way I can. Of course, I get those days where I just wanna strangle the customer or just don't want to deal with another call. It's been good. I think I'd want to do something where I can deal with people on a more personal level. I don't get it too much with my present position, but has found a way to make it work. That's what happens sometimes though, we get put in circumstances where we have to make do with what we have. Just gotta find a way for that something to give you joy, no matter what it takes. I would say happiness but that's fleeting so joy it is, since one would want something that is long lasting.
It is difficult to be happy when everyone around you is sad. This is why we need joy. It can be quite challenging to remain happy when you face the unknown, unexpected, unplanned events of life. This is why we must develop a sense of inner joy. When the job disappears, the marriage goes sour, the children act up, the car breaks down, all in one day--a day when there is fifteen inches of snow on the ground, and your best friend is out of town--you will have to reach real far to find something to be happy about. If, on the other hand, all of this is going on and you have joy in your heart, you will remember the words of the spiritual, "It will be all over in the morning!" Even if the morning is days, weeks, months, or years in coming, joy can sustain you as long as it takes. When you get right down to it, happiness is a sense of feeling full in response to the circumstances and events of life. Joy is a state of being fulfilled simply because you are alive. - One day my soul just opened up, by Iyanla Vanzant
And so I wish you joy!
This past week though, I've been catching up with some old friends and has kinda been reassessing as far as to where I would move. First was Ja- that I went to high school with when I was still in the Philippines. She's been living in Hawaii for a few years, and is happily married to a Navy guy. It was really nice to catch up with her again though it's only been months since I spoke to her. She's pregnant and will be giving birth to a baby girl in early 2007. We talked about different things, what's been going on in our lives, me with my pending separation from the mil. Somehow I ended up speaking with her husband since he had some computer problems he's trying to fix. We spoke for a little bit, and it came up that they're actually gonnabe relocating soon to San Diego, California. He's a bit worried, with the baby on the way, and the stress of moving, he's gonna have to head out to sea come January. I was quite shocked when he mentioned that we can all rent a house together and become housemates.
I'm quite flattered that he would offer something like that, considering we've never even met. It appears Ja- has told him about me through the years, and she even mentioned that he knows I'm a homo.... a homosapien that is. I got a bit nervous when she said this, but she said he really has no problem with it. I guess it's good that he would trust me completely to look after his family while he's away. That's one option I've kinda considered but hmm, would really have to give this some thought.
These past few weeks, I've also been talking to another friend C- about me moving to Washington. I knew him during my 3-year tour in Japan, though we became really, really good friends during my last year over there. I'll admit I kinda held back when I just started living there, since I tried not to get attached to people knowing that they're gonna have to leave sooner or later. He's a cool guy though. He actually took me out the first weekend I started work, and showed me around Tachikawa which is a city nearby Yokota AB. That was my first taste of gyudon (beef bowl) which I've come to love during my stay there.
C- just came back to after spending four years in Japan. We've joked about being roommates a few times, and I've been considering it more and more as I'm nearing my separation date. I got really close to even changing my pay statement and have it reflect WA as my home state. However, after reading up on the topic, it would not have done me any good yet since I would have to have been living there for a year before I can get considered for in-state tuition rates as far as going to school which he and I are planning to do. I also spoke just today with our other friend Jo- which just separated from the mil as well, and will be moving to Cali from Jersey where he was stationed this past 18 months. It was good speaking with him again, considering he doesn't like talking on the phone. I'm glad he picked up instead of letting it go to voicemail which he usually does. He's another one C- is considering rooming with though we'll have to see since he's gonna head out to Cali for a bit.
I was a bit surprised that I was pretty honest with him on the phone earlier. I told him how I missed the old crew, and how it's been a bit rough trying to make friends with our stateside assignments. Maybe I just haven't tried hard enough these past nine months I've been in Virginia, but I've barely made friends here. I've some people though it kinda fizzled after a little while. With one, the friendship appeared to have stopped right after we got to attend a PostSecret/Found event in Alexandria which was what brought us together in the first place. Guess that was the embodiment of when they say that people show up in your life for a reason, or when someone has served their purpose.
Getting back to Jo-, he said that he felt the same way as well. He's not definite yet as to whether he'll move up to Washington just yet, but he's considering it. It was actually his and C-'s idea about this whole living together things, and I just chuckle when they'd mention it to me and thinking Ha! Like I'd want to see you guys again after we get out of the military. Yet now, I definitely do and get excited over it. I mentioned to Jo- that I was actually just gonna go back to Florida and finish my school there. But he said no! Florida's too far. He said you'd have to be in the West Coast, or you can even move to Colorado. I said do i know anybody there? He said it doesn't matter, Colorado's close enough but not Florida. Heck, you could even move to Cali. He went on how I'd fit in no problem moving down to California since I dress well, and cares about how I look. He reiterated the fact that I'm into fashion, while he on the other hand, just puts on a t-shirt and pants and be all set.
Well, I was buying Men's Health and GQ magazine here and there when we were all in Yokota and somehow he got this thought that I'm sooo up to date with the latest fashion trends (really not true). I got embarrassed one time when he told some acquaintances that I'm all about fashion, and has all these magazines, and I pretty much smiled and told him to shut up. There's a reason to this though which I'll delve more into later on, but it was because of a guy that I fell for (dare I say one that broke my heart and didn't know it) But yea, I'm not really too concerned as far as looks go. I don't have a chiseled chest, a washboard abs even. It'll be nice for it to be flat, but it'll take a bit of work. That I have yet to figure out. I've been trying but it won't go away haha, guess I'll have to keep at it for a while before I see a change. I'm an instant gratification kinda person, and wants to see the effects immediately and not have to wait a few weeks for my abs to show, for instance.
As far as Florida goes, I'm still considering moving there. However, it wouldn't be to where my family lives. If I do move, it'll be in Orlando which is about six hours away at least Pensacola. There's really nothing for me in the area since I didn't have a life during the two years I stayed there. Well, I went to finish high school but that's about it. Really didn't make any friends since everybody's in their own little groups already. Oh and I was shy too. Orlando is another option of mine, though what will end up happening is that I'm gonna drive down there from here and more than likely, stay in a cheap ho... excuse me.. economical hotel while I try to find a place to live. I would e-mail some people before I arrived and would check them out one by one and go from there. I don't know anybody in the area, well except one guy (introduced to each other through a mutual net friend) I've been talking to since June after coming back from the Philippines. I've sometimes toyed about the idea of moving some place far away where nobody knew me, and just start over. No history for people to be judged, just that moment I plant roots in that city/town, and writing a new chapter in my life. I haven't had those feelings lately, but with that idea, it's mostly the family that would push me into it. They drive me nuts sometimes, as much as I love them. Though as we're nearing the completion of what I set out to do for them, I can finally take a seat back and start thinking more of me.
I'll be going to school full time if I do go back to Florida. As to what field, I do not know yet. Was considering just sticking with computers but it doesn't look like it's really what I'd want to get into too much. C- mentioned that he figured I'll get into the medical field, which I think I might have talked to him about. My mom told me how I used to go on and on about becoming a doctor when I was young since I felt bad for the kids that I saw at the hospital since some of the doctors tended to me first instead of the other kids. She said this was due to me speaking only English when I was a kid. I don't recall telling her that, but like she said, I don't remember a lot of things we talked about haha. Only way for me to find out though is by doing it so guess I'll see once I start taking some courses in the medical science. I'd probably minor in Psychology and major in I don't know yet. That's why I'm having second thoughts about just jumping into technical job after I get out. Going to school will be the time that I can figure out what I want, or get an idea of it at least since who really knows what they want?
When I think about it though, it mostly comes down to being able to do something good for others. I kinda get that right now with what I'm doing. It's mostly the reason why I've stuck with Helpdesk positions since it brings me that good feeling, being able to help out the customers any way I can. Of course, I get those days where I just wanna strangle the customer or just don't want to deal with another call. It's been good. I think I'd want to do something where I can deal with people on a more personal level. I don't get it too much with my present position, but has found a way to make it work. That's what happens sometimes though, we get put in circumstances where we have to make do with what we have. Just gotta find a way for that something to give you joy, no matter what it takes. I would say happiness but that's fleeting so joy it is, since one would want something that is long lasting.
It is difficult to be happy when everyone around you is sad. This is why we need joy. It can be quite challenging to remain happy when you face the unknown, unexpected, unplanned events of life. This is why we must develop a sense of inner joy. When the job disappears, the marriage goes sour, the children act up, the car breaks down, all in one day--a day when there is fifteen inches of snow on the ground, and your best friend is out of town--you will have to reach real far to find something to be happy about. If, on the other hand, all of this is going on and you have joy in your heart, you will remember the words of the spiritual, "It will be all over in the morning!" Even if the morning is days, weeks, months, or years in coming, joy can sustain you as long as it takes. When you get right down to it, happiness is a sense of feeling full in response to the circumstances and events of life. Joy is a state of being fulfilled simply because you are alive. - One day my soul just opened up, by Iyanla Vanzant
And so I wish you joy!
Sunday, September 24, 2006
Trying to make a move just to stay in the game
An hour and a half out before I go home, and good thing I've finally calmed down since earlier. I got a little upset since I saw on the schedule that they have me working on Tuesday which is my usual day off. I took Friday off (used my 'free' day I earned on my birthday) since I had to go to the DC area to do a face to face interview with this one company. Well, somehow they felt the need to have me working an extra day to make it up so don't even see the point of using my comp day. Oh well, I really didn't even need Friday off but it was still nice to not do anything.
The past few weeks have been relatively quiet. At the beginning of the month, I was pretty much cooped in and just watched Seinfeld most of the time. Not that there's anything wrong with that!! However, during that time, I barely made any contacts to the outside world which worried my family a little bit. My cousin kept sending me text messages saying hi stranger, love you cousin and I don't remember responding back to any of them. It just seemed silly hearing those from her since I'm usually the one who gets sentimental, randomly calling people up and letting them know I think about them, etc etc. I just didn't have the energy. It's not that I was depressed or anything, but I just needed the time to unplug from everything I suppose. I can't be depressed and laughing to hysterics watching the Seinfeld episodes. I knocked out six seasons in a month, not bad not bad. I have so much catching up to do, well considering the series is over already, I would say I am pretty late. But I just find it really funny that it was enough to make me happy.
I pretty much was corresponding with a few people about job opportunities that they might have for me. After attending the Transition Assistance Program (TAP) seminar last month, I kinda kicked it a gear as far as job hunting go. It was actually a week long seminar that people who are separating or retiring are adviced to take. It teaches us different things: how to write resumes, job search resources, dressing up for an interview and preparing for it, negotiating and other things. We got to wear casual business attire for a whole week which kinda got me excited about being a civilian. Though I know it'll be a bitch just picking out what to wear, it was nice to dress up. And I'd have to say, as vain as this might sound, I liked what I see when I looked in the mirror. I was in this seminar the week prior to the family reunion, and was actually supposed to be off since my dad and my (step) mom came by. I don't think I wrote about their visit though it was just for a day. It was nice having them that I ended up staying up 'til about 3 am just talking to them, eventhogh I had to get up at 0600 the next day. I do love them, in spite of the things that went on. I tried to be apathetic about family but I suck at it.
So that's that, as far as the beginning of the month. Oh yea, the first two weeks also, I had two four days off because of labor day. So I worked 4 days, off for 3, work 2 days (12-hrs), then was off for 4 days. It was nice. Did I go anywhere? Most definitely not. I considered but decided against it. I really didn't feel like driving to go on a little road trip. Wasn't even sure where to go or what places to see so I stayed home mostly. I even posted on craigslist to try and meet up with some folks down at this city which is an hour away from where I lived. Some things came up that I needed to take care of so ended up not going. As to what they were, I can't remember now that I think about it. Just got lazy more than likely.
Though around the 10th, I got on g.com and talked to a few guys. I agreed to meet with one of them, K- the next day, without even seeing his picture. Though after I saw it on yahoo, I had second thoughts about catching a movie but that would have been mean. We got along fine on the phone and thought I really shouldn't let appearances get in the way of making new acquaintances. So off I went to meet him the next day. We met up around 4, and ended up just hanging out at his place. K- is an alright guy and he was funny. We mostly hang around the house and had dinner while watching the movie, The Door in the Floor. He made chicken parmesan since I really didn't know where to go for dinner, so told him I'll eat whatever. I thought the movie was good though I'm gonna have to watch it some other time and give it my full attention. K- kept playing footsie and I had to keep adjusting my legs to block him. I might have even told him 'Quit, I'm still watching the movie' He said some things throughout the time that I do not know whether to take as naivety or what. He was asking some really silly questions, that he should probably know considering he has Filipino friends like he mentioned. He was asking whether they had jeans in the Philippines, or fastfoods, or even a mall. I just smiled and answered his questions though it felt like he was overdoing it as far as being 'curious' about things. He even told me about this one observation how the back of my head is flat, just like every Filipino he knows. He asked if I've noticed it before and I told him that No, I've never made it a point of staring at the back of people's heads. Wow, I don't know how to take it now that I think about it. The whole time we were hanging out, he complimented me over and over. I guess that was nice, but I get irritated after a while and try to make him stop. He said Oh my god, you're just like my Filipino friend. He does that too!! He even runs and hides when I compliment him. So finished watching a movie, and not 20 mins later I told him that I'm gonna have to get going. During the time I was there, he tried to kiss me a few times but I kept it ducking. He asked don't I kiss and I told him that I don't which really wasn't true. He went on So you're one of the guys who waits a few dates to even kiss? Yep, I'm one of those. That was a bold faced lie since I LOVE kissing. I just didn't wanna kiss him period. He also asked me what I thought about how he looked. Of course, I didn't answer that either. It's not that he was ugly, but still. Heck, I would never ask somebody that in my lifetime. Hey ya think I'm good looking?? Yeah rrrright..
[Maybe it's insecurity on my end, but it feels a bit awkward hearing compliments over and over when I'm with someone in person. A guy I previously met did the same, and I got worried at one point since I misheard him call me abnormal, but actually said adorable. Oh, I oughta to write about this separately. I've met up with a bunch of guys but yet, only once did I see one of them on a separate occassion and that was just to retrieve my skull cap and gloves 15 months later. Will explain more later.]
Just went back home and forgot to turn my ringer on so missed it when my dad called. Was wondering what he was calling for, but then saw that he left a voicemail. It was the Monday football play offs.
Hey just thought about you man, decided to call you see what's going on. Nothing major, just calling to holla at you. You've been on my mind for the last two hours.... Okay man, talk to you later. Bye.
And that was it. Know what I did? I sat down and cried, replaying the message again and again. That was the first time he left that kind of message and I was glad I missed that call. It was a big deal to actually hear him say outloud that he thinks of me. Usually, we 'assume' that our loved ones know that we love them and think about them? Sometimes though, it makes a huge difference actually hearing those words. As some of you know, I grew up with him not being around, and always questioned his love for me. He was never there to back that claim up, but it still felt good listening hearing him say it. Oh dear, I'm trying to keep this upbeat but I'm getting teary just thinking about it.
Anyways, I called him back eventually, well two days later and nonchalantly said that I'm sorry (but I'm not) that I missed his call. Then he said how it was nothing, he mentioned how he often thinks about me but never follows through as to even make a phone call, but that evening he just felt the need to call. We spoke for a little bit, him joking that he was wondering how his baby was. I was grinning ear to ear during the conversation. He actually has a back injury and it's been a while since he felt well enough to do the things that he used to do. Exercising, lifting weights, doing things around the house. He mentioned this and it saddened me a little, seeing that he's become a bit vulnerable because of it. I told him that he'll be okay, and will get better eventually.
The 13th ended up spending the night at somebody's house. Had to get back to the house since I had a phone interview at noon.
Come 12 pm, I did a phone interview with a company for this Desktop Support Engineer in the DC area. A recruiter contacted me late August and it took me a week to respond back, the 5th of Sept. We spoke on the phone later on that week, and the company he submitted my information contacted me that Friday. I missed the call and listened to their voicemail telling me to call them back to set up a phone interview. I got too excited and instead of pressing 9 to save it, pressed 7 instead which deleted it, and that was with me not even having written the number down. I just contacted the recruiter that Monday and told him what happened. He was really nice about it though that really didn't help with me feeling like an idiot over what happened. I did alright on the phone interview, I stumbled with some of the questions but I did okay for a first timer, I think. Though midway through, I lost signal and the interview got cut off. That's not good. They had to call me back to continue. The interview lasted about 25 mins and they told me they'll give me a call back after they've made a decision for another phone interview, this time with the IT director. It's been close to two weeks and I haven't heard back but it's alright. I didn't get to send a thank you note either since I didn't catch the names of the three people that interviewed me.
18th - I got into a conversation with a fellow blogger who enlightened me on some things. So trying to make amends, I texted one of the guys I met and asked him if he'd want to hang out. I met him back in August a few days before the mom incident which kinda caused me to pull away from the world. I told him that I would call that Friday but after that e-mail from my mom, I didn't even have the energy to stay jovial in a conversation. I know I told him that I would call, and I really considered it since I said that I'd call, but doing that, I would not have honored what I was feeling so I put me first. And anyways, he could have just called if he wanted to. He texted the next saturday how i neva called. We texted a few more times but he said this one thing and I stopped responding. Few days later, he texted Haven't heard from you in a while, guess you didn't like me. I get irritated when guys get insecure like that (this coming from an insecure king), so just deleted his message, and never contacted again until tonight, thanks to Kai.
The past few weeks have been relatively quiet. At the beginning of the month, I was pretty much cooped in and just watched Seinfeld most of the time. Not that there's anything wrong with that!! However, during that time, I barely made any contacts to the outside world which worried my family a little bit. My cousin kept sending me text messages saying hi stranger, love you cousin and I don't remember responding back to any of them. It just seemed silly hearing those from her since I'm usually the one who gets sentimental, randomly calling people up and letting them know I think about them, etc etc. I just didn't have the energy. It's not that I was depressed or anything, but I just needed the time to unplug from everything I suppose. I can't be depressed and laughing to hysterics watching the Seinfeld episodes. I knocked out six seasons in a month, not bad not bad. I have so much catching up to do, well considering the series is over already, I would say I am pretty late. But I just find it really funny that it was enough to make me happy.
I pretty much was corresponding with a few people about job opportunities that they might have for me. After attending the Transition Assistance Program (TAP) seminar last month, I kinda kicked it a gear as far as job hunting go. It was actually a week long seminar that people who are separating or retiring are adviced to take. It teaches us different things: how to write resumes, job search resources, dressing up for an interview and preparing for it, negotiating and other things. We got to wear casual business attire for a whole week which kinda got me excited about being a civilian. Though I know it'll be a bitch just picking out what to wear, it was nice to dress up. And I'd have to say, as vain as this might sound, I liked what I see when I looked in the mirror. I was in this seminar the week prior to the family reunion, and was actually supposed to be off since my dad and my (step) mom came by. I don't think I wrote about their visit though it was just for a day. It was nice having them that I ended up staying up 'til about 3 am just talking to them, eventhogh I had to get up at 0600 the next day. I do love them, in spite of the things that went on. I tried to be apathetic about family but I suck at it.
So that's that, as far as the beginning of the month. Oh yea, the first two weeks also, I had two four days off because of labor day. So I worked 4 days, off for 3, work 2 days (12-hrs), then was off for 4 days. It was nice. Did I go anywhere? Most definitely not. I considered but decided against it. I really didn't feel like driving to go on a little road trip. Wasn't even sure where to go or what places to see so I stayed home mostly. I even posted on craigslist to try and meet up with some folks down at this city which is an hour away from where I lived. Some things came up that I needed to take care of so ended up not going. As to what they were, I can't remember now that I think about it. Just got lazy more than likely.
Though around the 10th, I got on g.com and talked to a few guys. I agreed to meet with one of them, K- the next day, without even seeing his picture. Though after I saw it on yahoo, I had second thoughts about catching a movie but that would have been mean. We got along fine on the phone and thought I really shouldn't let appearances get in the way of making new acquaintances. So off I went to meet him the next day. We met up around 4, and ended up just hanging out at his place. K- is an alright guy and he was funny. We mostly hang around the house and had dinner while watching the movie, The Door in the Floor. He made chicken parmesan since I really didn't know where to go for dinner, so told him I'll eat whatever. I thought the movie was good though I'm gonna have to watch it some other time and give it my full attention. K- kept playing footsie and I had to keep adjusting my legs to block him. I might have even told him 'Quit, I'm still watching the movie' He said some things throughout the time that I do not know whether to take as naivety or what. He was asking some really silly questions, that he should probably know considering he has Filipino friends like he mentioned. He was asking whether they had jeans in the Philippines, or fastfoods, or even a mall. I just smiled and answered his questions though it felt like he was overdoing it as far as being 'curious' about things. He even told me about this one observation how the back of my head is flat, just like every Filipino he knows. He asked if I've noticed it before and I told him that No, I've never made it a point of staring at the back of people's heads. Wow, I don't know how to take it now that I think about it. The whole time we were hanging out, he complimented me over and over. I guess that was nice, but I get irritated after a while and try to make him stop. He said Oh my god, you're just like my Filipino friend. He does that too!! He even runs and hides when I compliment him. So finished watching a movie, and not 20 mins later I told him that I'm gonna have to get going. During the time I was there, he tried to kiss me a few times but I kept it ducking. He asked don't I kiss and I told him that I don't which really wasn't true. He went on So you're one of the guys who waits a few dates to even kiss? Yep, I'm one of those. That was a bold faced lie since I LOVE kissing. I just didn't wanna kiss him period. He also asked me what I thought about how he looked. Of course, I didn't answer that either. It's not that he was ugly, but still. Heck, I would never ask somebody that in my lifetime. Hey ya think I'm good looking?? Yeah rrrright..
[Maybe it's insecurity on my end, but it feels a bit awkward hearing compliments over and over when I'm with someone in person. A guy I previously met did the same, and I got worried at one point since I misheard him call me abnormal, but actually said adorable. Oh, I oughta to write about this separately. I've met up with a bunch of guys but yet, only once did I see one of them on a separate occassion and that was just to retrieve my skull cap and gloves 15 months later. Will explain more later.]
Just went back home and forgot to turn my ringer on so missed it when my dad called. Was wondering what he was calling for, but then saw that he left a voicemail. It was the Monday football play offs.
Hey just thought about you man, decided to call you see what's going on. Nothing major, just calling to holla at you. You've been on my mind for the last two hours.... Okay man, talk to you later. Bye.
And that was it. Know what I did? I sat down and cried, replaying the message again and again. That was the first time he left that kind of message and I was glad I missed that call. It was a big deal to actually hear him say outloud that he thinks of me. Usually, we 'assume' that our loved ones know that we love them and think about them? Sometimes though, it makes a huge difference actually hearing those words. As some of you know, I grew up with him not being around, and always questioned his love for me. He was never there to back that claim up, but it still felt good listening hearing him say it. Oh dear, I'm trying to keep this upbeat but I'm getting teary just thinking about it.
Anyways, I called him back eventually, well two days later and nonchalantly said that I'm sorry (but I'm not) that I missed his call. Then he said how it was nothing, he mentioned how he often thinks about me but never follows through as to even make a phone call, but that evening he just felt the need to call. We spoke for a little bit, him joking that he was wondering how his baby was. I was grinning ear to ear during the conversation. He actually has a back injury and it's been a while since he felt well enough to do the things that he used to do. Exercising, lifting weights, doing things around the house. He mentioned this and it saddened me a little, seeing that he's become a bit vulnerable because of it. I told him that he'll be okay, and will get better eventually.
The 13th ended up spending the night at somebody's house. Had to get back to the house since I had a phone interview at noon.
Come 12 pm, I did a phone interview with a company for this Desktop Support Engineer in the DC area. A recruiter contacted me late August and it took me a week to respond back, the 5th of Sept. We spoke on the phone later on that week, and the company he submitted my information contacted me that Friday. I missed the call and listened to their voicemail telling me to call them back to set up a phone interview. I got too excited and instead of pressing 9 to save it, pressed 7 instead which deleted it, and that was with me not even having written the number down. I just contacted the recruiter that Monday and told him what happened. He was really nice about it though that really didn't help with me feeling like an idiot over what happened. I did alright on the phone interview, I stumbled with some of the questions but I did okay for a first timer, I think. Though midway through, I lost signal and the interview got cut off. That's not good. They had to call me back to continue. The interview lasted about 25 mins and they told me they'll give me a call back after they've made a decision for another phone interview, this time with the IT director. It's been close to two weeks and I haven't heard back but it's alright. I didn't get to send a thank you note either since I didn't catch the names of the three people that interviewed me.
18th - I got into a conversation with a fellow blogger who enlightened me on some things. So trying to make amends, I texted one of the guys I met and asked him if he'd want to hang out. I met him back in August a few days before the mom incident which kinda caused me to pull away from the world. I told him that I would call that Friday but after that e-mail from my mom, I didn't even have the energy to stay jovial in a conversation. I know I told him that I would call, and I really considered it since I said that I'd call, but doing that, I would not have honored what I was feeling so I put me first. And anyways, he could have just called if he wanted to. He texted the next saturday how i neva called. We texted a few more times but he said this one thing and I stopped responding. Few days later, he texted Haven't heard from you in a while, guess you didn't like me. I get irritated when guys get insecure like that (this coming from an insecure king), so just deleted his message, and never contacted again until tonight, thanks to Kai.
Thursday, September 21, 2006
He got it from his mama... mama's side of the family
I felt like a grown man walking around in a suit. I went for a job interview after a 3-hr drive to the DC area and managing not to get lost. Yay me. I brought a change of clothes and got suited up about an hour before the interview. It turned out pretty well, though I slipped a little come salary requirement time. I told him a figure instead of saying I'm open for negotiations. Yeouch.. I'm now glad I went since I sure as heck wasn't on my the drive up. It was a good experience and to get a better feel of what to expect since it was the first interview I've ever gone to. Thanks to my friend for believing, know that your message was a boost in my confidence. At least, I didn't go in and took my top off if I would have gone in with a low self-esteem (Arrested Development ref)
As far as hairlines go, guys are supposed to get theirs from the mother's side of the family from what I've read. Mine sure has receeded, looking at some pictures 4 years ago. It's funny how some people bring it up, as if we're not aware of it already happening. Just trying to grow my hair out and this in between period kind sucks. These are pics I took on our first day of 'freedom' from basic training (bootcamp). We got to go to a store and walk around the base ON OUR OWN! I'll write about that one day to give a feel as to what it was like. I can now look back and smile but that was the longest six weeks I ever had.
I have a notebook worth of quotations I've started writing down when I was 16. Thought I'd share:
Happiness comes to those who give love freely and who don't demand that others love them first. Be generous like the sun's rays, which shine witout asking first whether people deserve their warmth.
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
Got a callback
Wow, I got a callback for a company I phone interviewed with last week. The recruiter who contacted me for this position called and said that the company would want to do another interview, this time in person. It's in the DC area which is about three hours away from where I live at the moment. Will write more later.
Hope everyone's having a Great Tuesday \(^_^)/
Errr.. it's 3 am as I'm adding this and would have to sleep soon. Hmm will elaborate later, but a last minute face interview I got scheduled for..THIS THURSDAY!!! Ended up cancelling on a date? so I can pick put a suit. I've bought shirts and slacks before but didn't get around to buying a suit until today. It'll be a three-hour drive for a 30-min interview, and not sure yet if I'll have to make my way right back home for work come Friday. Will call my office and see if I can use a freebie. Hmm, ended up hanging out with a different guy come evening.. Barnes and Noble.. Phone call from a fellow blogger (that was unexpected! Really glad you did!)
Hope everyone's having a Great Tuesday \(^_^)/
Errr.. it's 3 am as I'm adding this and would have to sleep soon. Hmm will elaborate later, but a last minute face interview I got scheduled for..THIS THURSDAY!!! Ended up cancelling on a date? so I can pick put a suit. I've bought shirts and slacks before but didn't get around to buying a suit until today. It'll be a three-hour drive for a 30-min interview, and not sure yet if I'll have to make my way right back home for work come Friday. Will call my office and see if I can use a freebie. Hmm, ended up hanging out with a different guy come evening.. Barnes and Noble.. Phone call from a fellow blogger (that was unexpected! Really glad you did!)
Sunday, September 17, 2006
Getting around to it
JaG (a blogger I hang out with back in July) tagged me a month ago and I'm just getting around to it. Sorry!
I have to write a post with 8 facts/things/habits about myself and say who tagged me. In the end, you will need to choose the 6 people to tag and list their names. I'm not going to (^_^) I don't know that much bloggers any longer.
She wants me to list EIGHT things she doesn't already know about me, which I thought was pretty easy. Lemme see....
1. I pooped in my pants when I was in the first grade. Ms Lorena, my teacher wouldn't let me go to the bathroom after my pleading and begging. We were grading our tests that morning which was apparently more important than letting a student use the bathroom. I was only able to hold it so long hehe
2. For a field trip, we went to a children's game show and I was part of the winning team. It ended up being a different kid that got my prize since I didn't know where to go to claim it
3. I know the choreography to the performance below by heart. It was my anthem for quite a while when I lived in the dormitories back in '04. My suitemate (guy I shared the bathroom with) ended up liking the song he asked me what the name of it was so he can get it
4. There was a time I was wishing for a brown baby powder so this won't happen
5. I was a purikura whore when I lived in Japan. It's a type of photo booth but you can do soooo much more on your picture, like this one
6. My friend's plant almost died when he had me take care of it
7. I blacked out the first time I drank rum and coke. I was 20 (legal age since I was at an overseas base)
8. I've written a more extensive list once
I have to write a post with 8 facts/things/habits about myself and say who tagged me. In the end, you will need to choose the 6 people to tag and list their names. I'm not going to (^_^) I don't know that much bloggers any longer.
She wants me to list EIGHT things she doesn't already know about me, which I thought was pretty easy. Lemme see....
1. I pooped in my pants when I was in the first grade. Ms Lorena, my teacher wouldn't let me go to the bathroom after my pleading and begging. We were grading our tests that morning which was apparently more important than letting a student use the bathroom. I was only able to hold it so long hehe
2. For a field trip, we went to a children's game show and I was part of the winning team. It ended up being a different kid that got my prize since I didn't know where to go to claim it
3. I know the choreography to the performance below by heart. It was my anthem for quite a while when I lived in the dormitories back in '04. My suitemate (guy I shared the bathroom with) ended up liking the song he asked me what the name of it was so he can get it
4. There was a time I was wishing for a brown baby powder so this won't happen
5. I was a purikura whore when I lived in Japan. It's a type of photo booth but you can do soooo much more on your picture, like this one
6. My friend's plant almost died when he had me take care of it
7. I blacked out the first time I drank rum and coke. I was 20 (legal age since I was at an overseas base)
8. I've written a more extensive list once
Sunday, September 10, 2006
It's Only Vid...Yoyoy
JaG tagged me with a meme I have yet to do, here's one of the things she doesn't know about me. It's something I do when I get bored.. This one's a Filipino song called Butsekik by Yoyoy Villame, however it's just made up words through out.
This one's a song by The Magnetic Fields' It's Only Time. One of my friend's favorite song :):(
This one's a song by The Magnetic Fields' It's Only Time. One of my friend's favorite song :):(
Wednesday, September 6, 2006
To the world you might be one person...
It's 2 am and I still haven't gone to bed. I was feeling sleepy but it sorta went away once I started getting ready for bed. There's just been so much going on inside me that I just have to let it out. I just feel a bit sad and kinda wish someone's here to hug me and tell me that it's going to be alright. I didn't think I'd ever write these thoughts down, and yet here I am. I was thinking how embarassing it'll be for others to kinda peek into my mind, but then that was why I started this blog, something that I could put them down in and help me kinda figure out where I stand at this point in my life. I sometimes wish I was still anonymous nowadays, but at the same time, if I was, I would have wanted to be acknowledged even by a single person out in the world.
I've just kinda been thinking how everything's going to be in a couple of months. Thing is I'm three months out of separating from the military, and a bit nervous how it'll turn out. I guess I can't not say that I'm not worried about it, because if I was, it wouldn't have kept me up at this wee hour. I think it might have been hanging out with my friend that kinda threw me off a little. He made a comment as to how it looked like I was so calm about all the changes that will be happening come the end of this year. I kinda felt bad that he's trying to get me to stay here in the area, but I highly doubt it. Even if I do end up moving to the DC area which is three hours away, I'm not really sure if I would keep in contact with him. I've become good friends with him, but sometimes when I get to think about how I met him, I get second thoughts about our friendship. It's kinda complicated how we became friends with how that came about, but it was something based on a lie on his part, not mine. It hasn't been too bad living here in VA but there's nothing really here that will make me stay. I've made friends since arriving here, but those relationships have ceased existing it would seem like, since I haven't seen some of them in months. It's a bit hard having friends that live in another city. Maybe I just tell myself that as an excuse. Either that is the case, or I've kinda stopped caring. I just find ways to keep myself occupied. I make plans with them, but it kinda fizzles after a lack of follow through. They'd leave comments on myspace but not respond to my calls or text messages, stupid myspace. I just find ways to keep myself busy, read a book, watch movies, or do some chores around the house, things to keep me busy. I hate it when I ask people how they're doing and respond that they're bored. Instead of me offering to hang out with them which I know would help make it go away, I get annoyed instead and just think read a book or something [this only applies to ones I would encounter if I choose to]. We probably would have had a good time but at times, it happens where they'd make a remark that just turns me off completely and makes me regret seeing them in the first place. It might be something in me though which I am aware of, so can't really always blame that person for what they say. Hence shutting myself out, and sorting things through.
I love and hate being still since it gets me thinking about all sorts of things when I do. It happens even when I'm at work which I'm not too fond of. I could just be sitting there waiting for the phone to ring again, and I'd think about people. I'd wonder how my family's doing, what this or that friend is doing at that instant, what's happening to this or that blogger's life, things of that sort. I sometimes wish I can just stop caring, and just think about me, and no one else. It makes me angry sometimes knowing that will probably never happen. It's just one of those things I've learned to accept though still hope from time to time, that it would change. I think I'm getting close though, with turning 23 playing a role in it. I've kinda become at peace with the way things are, and has barely spoken with the family or friends. It worries them I'm sure but it can't be helped any longer. I've put them ahead of my needs, and where does it get me? That proud feeling I have is no longer there, it's felt more like a burden that I just want lifted off of my shoulders. I can sense the change, and it worries me sometimes. I've barely spoken to my cousin which I used to talk to on hours end on the telephone. We've made plans before of me moving to Colorado once I get out of the military, but I'm not so sure any longer.
It's going to be happening in three months, and I'm a bit torn as to where to go to. I suppose I can move back to Florida for a little bit to get my footing, but I don't think I'd want to move back in at my aunt's and uncle's. As much as they're good people, I told myself I'll never live in that house ever again. Sometimes you have to step backward to take a leap forward but it won't be in my case. Staying with them would make me feel like 16 all over again which is something I don't wanna go back to. I have grown a lot since then, but that kid will always be in me and I'm sure that coming back to the same environment, he's bound to come out and take me back to a time and place that has passed.
I can perhaps stay with my dad in the East Coast which he's kinda expecting will happen come December. I'll admit I still yearn for that sometime, to actually live with them, make up for all the time lost. It makes me glad that it's a possibility that it could happen. I actually bring it up every time I'm on the phone with him which I didn't realize until he mentioned it. I guess I just wanted reassurance, that eventhough I'm not gonna actually do it, knowing that he's okay with me staying with them makes me glad. There is the child in me playing a role once again. Me and my dad has a running joke where I was only 6 yrs old when I moved to the US back in '99, so that makes me 13 at this time (will explain this later). We're working on building a relationship, with him along with his side of the family, as some of you are aware of.
I'm considering actually going to school full time which I was meaning to do, hence coming back stateside on my last year in the military to kinda give me a feel of how things work here. It'll be one of the states in the Pacific, and possibly living together with one of my good friends from Yokota. I'm kinda excited about that happening. One of my friends back in Japan will be coming back stateside and it was him that I've talked to about being roommates. We get along really well, so it shouldn't be a problem. I know we can't duplicate the Japan experience, but we can have more fun times. Going to the same school, maybe even drive to Canada or go backpacking to Europe even. G- loves Japan too, so we might actually find ways to go back there.
However, I've kinda been tempted to just work full time once again after my separation (end of contract). The paycheck is enticing, and I suppose I can take classes part time, but yet it's not going to be the same. It's probably gonna be different being a civilian, then going to school part time, but I kinda wanna experience what it's like otherwise. Being a full time student, and just working on the side. I could have had an Associate's by now at least, but I wasn't on top of it as I should have been. This past four years has been a learning experience, and looking back, I think I could have done things a bit different. I could have taken more classes, etc etc. It's not really laziness, but I became apathetic back when I was living in Japan. There was just so much going on inside me, that it got hard to even focus on the classes I'm taking. It was like I developed an ADD of some sort. Living by myself for the first time gave me a lot of time to think things through and actually try to make sense of it all. Despite of it, I think I still did pretty good, well except for saving up *smiles I got along with everybody I worked with, and I think I was liked. I never really got into trouble of sorts, and the leadership tended to leave me alone since I was good at what I do. Doing my job, keeping my dorm room clean, amongst other things. I just did what I can to the best that I could.
I smiled a lot too which has helped in it's own way. My superiors were amazing in trying to help me in anyway that they can when I needed it. One of them commented how I always have a smile on my face whenever she sees me. I tried to make it a point of smiling whenever I pass someone by. I really think a smile is a gift you can keep on giving to anybody, even to strangers and it doesn't even cost a thing. I could be close to breaking down on some days, and yet kept on smiling. We all have our own story, and someone else can be having a worse day than you are and might need that simple act to get them through the day. You never know who can that be. I'm sure you've felt lost or invisible at some point in your life. I know I have. ''To the world you might be one person, but to one person you might be the world." It's so cliche hearing and reading that quotation, but it rings true, when you sit and think about it.
It was a blessing really, getting paid to live in Japan and not having to worry about a roof over my head, or as to where my meal will be coming from. With that, I'm really thankful. I sometimes forget how lucky I am, to even have the things I do now and to be where I currently am. I seriously pinch myself from time to time to remind myself that the life I'm living is just not a dream. There was no way in hell I ever thought I'd be where I am right now. I just wasn't much of a dreamer, I just try to live one day at a time, never knowing what life will bring.
I've just kinda been thinking how everything's going to be in a couple of months. Thing is I'm three months out of separating from the military, and a bit nervous how it'll turn out. I guess I can't not say that I'm not worried about it, because if I was, it wouldn't have kept me up at this wee hour. I think it might have been hanging out with my friend that kinda threw me off a little. He made a comment as to how it looked like I was so calm about all the changes that will be happening come the end of this year. I kinda felt bad that he's trying to get me to stay here in the area, but I highly doubt it. Even if I do end up moving to the DC area which is three hours away, I'm not really sure if I would keep in contact with him. I've become good friends with him, but sometimes when I get to think about how I met him, I get second thoughts about our friendship. It's kinda complicated how we became friends with how that came about, but it was something based on a lie on his part, not mine. It hasn't been too bad living here in VA but there's nothing really here that will make me stay. I've made friends since arriving here, but those relationships have ceased existing it would seem like, since I haven't seen some of them in months. It's a bit hard having friends that live in another city. Maybe I just tell myself that as an excuse. Either that is the case, or I've kinda stopped caring. I just find ways to keep myself occupied. I make plans with them, but it kinda fizzles after a lack of follow through. They'd leave comments on myspace but not respond to my calls or text messages, stupid myspace. I just find ways to keep myself busy, read a book, watch movies, or do some chores around the house, things to keep me busy. I hate it when I ask people how they're doing and respond that they're bored. Instead of me offering to hang out with them which I know would help make it go away, I get annoyed instead and just think read a book or something [this only applies to ones I would encounter if I choose to]. We probably would have had a good time but at times, it happens where they'd make a remark that just turns me off completely and makes me regret seeing them in the first place. It might be something in me though which I am aware of, so can't really always blame that person for what they say. Hence shutting myself out, and sorting things through.
I love and hate being still since it gets me thinking about all sorts of things when I do. It happens even when I'm at work which I'm not too fond of. I could just be sitting there waiting for the phone to ring again, and I'd think about people. I'd wonder how my family's doing, what this or that friend is doing at that instant, what's happening to this or that blogger's life, things of that sort. I sometimes wish I can just stop caring, and just think about me, and no one else. It makes me angry sometimes knowing that will probably never happen. It's just one of those things I've learned to accept though still hope from time to time, that it would change. I think I'm getting close though, with turning 23 playing a role in it. I've kinda become at peace with the way things are, and has barely spoken with the family or friends. It worries them I'm sure but it can't be helped any longer. I've put them ahead of my needs, and where does it get me? That proud feeling I have is no longer there, it's felt more like a burden that I just want lifted off of my shoulders. I can sense the change, and it worries me sometimes. I've barely spoken to my cousin which I used to talk to on hours end on the telephone. We've made plans before of me moving to Colorado once I get out of the military, but I'm not so sure any longer.
It's going to be happening in three months, and I'm a bit torn as to where to go to. I suppose I can move back to Florida for a little bit to get my footing, but I don't think I'd want to move back in at my aunt's and uncle's. As much as they're good people, I told myself I'll never live in that house ever again. Sometimes you have to step backward to take a leap forward but it won't be in my case. Staying with them would make me feel like 16 all over again which is something I don't wanna go back to. I have grown a lot since then, but that kid will always be in me and I'm sure that coming back to the same environment, he's bound to come out and take me back to a time and place that has passed.
I can perhaps stay with my dad in the East Coast which he's kinda expecting will happen come December. I'll admit I still yearn for that sometime, to actually live with them, make up for all the time lost. It makes me glad that it's a possibility that it could happen. I actually bring it up every time I'm on the phone with him which I didn't realize until he mentioned it. I guess I just wanted reassurance, that eventhough I'm not gonna actually do it, knowing that he's okay with me staying with them makes me glad. There is the child in me playing a role once again. Me and my dad has a running joke where I was only 6 yrs old when I moved to the US back in '99, so that makes me 13 at this time (will explain this later). We're working on building a relationship, with him along with his side of the family, as some of you are aware of.
I'm considering actually going to school full time which I was meaning to do, hence coming back stateside on my last year in the military to kinda give me a feel of how things work here. It'll be one of the states in the Pacific, and possibly living together with one of my good friends from Yokota. I'm kinda excited about that happening. One of my friends back in Japan will be coming back stateside and it was him that I've talked to about being roommates. We get along really well, so it shouldn't be a problem. I know we can't duplicate the Japan experience, but we can have more fun times. Going to the same school, maybe even drive to Canada or go backpacking to Europe even. G- loves Japan too, so we might actually find ways to go back there.
However, I've kinda been tempted to just work full time once again after my separation (end of contract). The paycheck is enticing, and I suppose I can take classes part time, but yet it's not going to be the same. It's probably gonna be different being a civilian, then going to school part time, but I kinda wanna experience what it's like otherwise. Being a full time student, and just working on the side. I could have had an Associate's by now at least, but I wasn't on top of it as I should have been. This past four years has been a learning experience, and looking back, I think I could have done things a bit different. I could have taken more classes, etc etc. It's not really laziness, but I became apathetic back when I was living in Japan. There was just so much going on inside me, that it got hard to even focus on the classes I'm taking. It was like I developed an ADD of some sort. Living by myself for the first time gave me a lot of time to think things through and actually try to make sense of it all. Despite of it, I think I still did pretty good, well except for saving up *smiles I got along with everybody I worked with, and I think I was liked. I never really got into trouble of sorts, and the leadership tended to leave me alone since I was good at what I do. Doing my job, keeping my dorm room clean, amongst other things. I just did what I can to the best that I could.
I smiled a lot too which has helped in it's own way. My superiors were amazing in trying to help me in anyway that they can when I needed it. One of them commented how I always have a smile on my face whenever she sees me. I tried to make it a point of smiling whenever I pass someone by. I really think a smile is a gift you can keep on giving to anybody, even to strangers and it doesn't even cost a thing. I could be close to breaking down on some days, and yet kept on smiling. We all have our own story, and someone else can be having a worse day than you are and might need that simple act to get them through the day. You never know who can that be. I'm sure you've felt lost or invisible at some point in your life. I know I have. ''To the world you might be one person, but to one person you might be the world." It's so cliche hearing and reading that quotation, but it rings true, when you sit and think about it.
It was a blessing really, getting paid to live in Japan and not having to worry about a roof over my head, or as to where my meal will be coming from. With that, I'm really thankful. I sometimes forget how lucky I am, to even have the things I do now and to be where I currently am. I seriously pinch myself from time to time to remind myself that the life I'm living is just not a dream. There was no way in hell I ever thought I'd be where I am right now. I just wasn't much of a dreamer, I just try to live one day at a time, never knowing what life will bring.
Saturday, September 2, 2006
Under the Water
It was a start of the long weekend for the rest of the people that work here on base. Whenever a holiday falls on a Monday, this is usually what happens. We get a family day to kick things off early. It doesn't really apply to us since we have to have people at the helpdesk 24/7. Actually, I've been working a different schedule since the beginning of August. I gave up my weekends so I can have three days off. I work Fridays to Mondays, having to do 12-hr shifts on Sat and Sunday. It's been good.
I was expecting it to be an uneventful shift yesterday because of the down day but that wasn't so. There was a storm that hit VA early yesterday so we had to deal with power outages, buildings losing connectivity. It was pretty much raining nonstop the whole day, and around noon, the fire alarm went off for reasons we do not know. Of course, we had to evacuate and go across the street to the parking lot. When it rains, it pours and when it pours, it floods. It was about a foot high but which we had to go through to get to the other side. I had an umbrella which really didn't do much good, cause of the strong wind so kinda got soaked before getting to sit at my coworker's truck. The firemen came and did the sweeps and we got to go back in after about 20 mins. Took my boots and my socks off and was walking around the office barefoot. I'm not really supposed to since that's considered out of uniform but did it anyways. It just felt really gross, with it squeeshing everytime I walked. I wear a different kind of boots, where instead of it being leather combat boots, I have a pair made of canvas.
The rest of the shift, we watched more episodes of 24. I've been getting into 24 more and more after watching some of it on DVD here at work which we pretty much do on the weekends. My coworker finds it funny when I yell at the tv, as if the characters could hear me. Him and I ended up staying about an hour and a half than we were supposed to. The guy who was working the mid-shift didn't realize he had to come in at 1845, instead of 2345 which was his usual time to go to work.
Finally got to go home, had my dinner and watched more episodes of Seinfeld. The boxed sets were on sale for $20 each and ended up grabbing three seasons so got some dvd watching sessions to go. 'tis a really funny show though the laugh track can be annoying from time to time. I got used to not hearing any after watching the gem Arrested Development the past two years. Had to pause the dvd though to prepare my meal for the next few days. I TRY to get to bed around 10 but that us yet to happen. I've been sleeping about 4-5 hours during work days and just can't sleep early enough to get my required hours of rest.
That was how my day was. How was your Fridee?
I was expecting it to be an uneventful shift yesterday because of the down day but that wasn't so. There was a storm that hit VA early yesterday so we had to deal with power outages, buildings losing connectivity. It was pretty much raining nonstop the whole day, and around noon, the fire alarm went off for reasons we do not know. Of course, we had to evacuate and go across the street to the parking lot. When it rains, it pours and when it pours, it floods. It was about a foot high but which we had to go through to get to the other side. I had an umbrella which really didn't do much good, cause of the strong wind so kinda got soaked before getting to sit at my coworker's truck. The firemen came and did the sweeps and we got to go back in after about 20 mins. Took my boots and my socks off and was walking around the office barefoot. I'm not really supposed to since that's considered out of uniform but did it anyways. It just felt really gross, with it squeeshing everytime I walked. I wear a different kind of boots, where instead of it being leather combat boots, I have a pair made of canvas.
The rest of the shift, we watched more episodes of 24. I've been getting into 24 more and more after watching some of it on DVD here at work which we pretty much do on the weekends. My coworker finds it funny when I yell at the tv, as if the characters could hear me. Him and I ended up staying about an hour and a half than we were supposed to. The guy who was working the mid-shift didn't realize he had to come in at 1845, instead of 2345 which was his usual time to go to work.
Finally got to go home, had my dinner and watched more episodes of Seinfeld. The boxed sets were on sale for $20 each and ended up grabbing three seasons so got some dvd watching sessions to go. 'tis a really funny show though the laugh track can be annoying from time to time. I got used to not hearing any after watching the gem Arrested Development the past two years. Had to pause the dvd though to prepare my meal for the next few days. I TRY to get to bed around 10 but that us yet to happen. I've been sleeping about 4-5 hours during work days and just can't sleep early enough to get my required hours of rest.
That was how my day was. How was your Fridee?
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