Trying to make a move just to stay in the game

An hour and a half out before I go home, and good thing I've finally calmed down since earlier. I got a little upset since I saw on the schedule that they have me working on Tuesday which is my usual day off. I took Friday off (used my 'free' day I earned on my birthday) since I had to go to the DC area to do a face to face interview with this one company. Well, somehow they felt the need to have me working an extra day to make it up so don't even see the point of using my comp day. Oh well, I really didn't even need Friday off but it was still nice to not do anything.

The past few weeks have been relatively quiet. At the beginning of the month, I was pretty much cooped in and just watched Seinfeld most of the time. Not that there's anything wrong with that!! However, during that time, I barely made any contacts to the outside world which worried my family a little bit. My cousin kept sending me text messages saying hi stranger, love you cousin and I don't remember responding back to any of them. It just seemed silly hearing those from her since I'm usually the one who gets sentimental, randomly calling people up and letting them know I think about them, etc etc. I just didn't have the energy. It's not that I was depressed or anything, but I just needed the time to unplug from everything I suppose. I can't be depressed and laughing to hysterics watching the Seinfeld episodes. I knocked out six seasons in a month, not bad not bad. I have so much catching up to do, well considering the series is over already, I would say I am pretty late. But I just find it really funny that it was enough to make me happy.

I pretty much was corresponding with a few people about job opportunities that they might have for me. After attending the Transition Assistance Program (TAP) seminar last month, I kinda kicked it a gear as far as job hunting go. It was actually a week long seminar that people who are separating or retiring are adviced to take. It teaches us different things: how to write resumes, job search resources, dressing up for an interview and preparing for it, negotiating and other things. We got to wear casual business attire for a whole week which kinda got me excited about being a civilian. Though I know it'll be a bitch just picking out what to wear, it was nice to dress up. And I'd have to say, as vain as this might sound, I liked what I see when I looked in the mirror. I was in this seminar the week prior to the family reunion, and was actually supposed to be off since my dad and my (step) mom came by. I don't think I wrote about their visit though it was just for a day. It was nice having them that I ended up staying up 'til about 3 am just talking to them, eventhogh I had to get up at 0600 the next day. I do love them, in spite of the things that went on. I tried to be apathetic about family but I suck at it.

So that's that, as far as the beginning of the month. Oh yea, the first two weeks also, I had two four days off because of labor day. So I worked 4 days, off for 3, work 2 days (12-hrs), then was off for 4 days. It was nice. Did I go anywhere? Most definitely not. I considered but decided against it. I really didn't feel like driving to go on a little road trip. Wasn't even sure where to go or what places to see so I stayed home mostly. I even posted on craigslist to try and meet up with some folks down at this city which is an hour away from where I lived. Some things came up that I needed to take care of so ended up not going. As to what they were, I can't remember now that I think about it. Just got lazy more than likely.

Though around the 10th, I got on g.com and talked to a few guys. I agreed to meet with one of them, K- the next day, without even seeing his picture. Though after I saw it on yahoo, I had second thoughts about catching a movie but that would have been mean. We got along fine on the phone and thought I really shouldn't let appearances get in the way of making new acquaintances. So off I went to meet him the next day. We met up around 4, and ended up just hanging out at his place. K- is an alright guy and he was funny. We mostly hang around the house and had dinner while watching the movie, The Door in the Floor. He made chicken parmesan since I really didn't know where to go for dinner, so told him I'll eat whatever. I thought the movie was good though I'm gonna have to watch it some other time and give it my full attention. K- kept playing footsie and I had to keep adjusting my legs to block him. I might have even told him 'Quit, I'm still watching the movie' He said some things throughout the time that I do not know whether to take as naivety or what. He was asking some really silly questions, that he should probably know considering he has Filipino friends like he mentioned. He was asking whether they had jeans in the Philippines, or fastfoods, or even a mall. I just smiled and answered his questions though it felt like he was overdoing it as far as being 'curious' about things. He even told me about this one observation how the back of my head is flat, just like every Filipino he knows. He asked if I've noticed it before and I told him that No, I've never made it a point of staring at the back of people's heads. Wow, I don't know how to take it now that I think about it. The whole time we were hanging out, he complimented me over and over. I guess that was nice, but I get irritated after a while and try to make him stop. He said Oh my god, you're just like my Filipino friend. He does that too!! He even runs and hides when I compliment him. So finished watching a movie, and not 20 mins later I told him that I'm gonna have to get going. During the time I was there, he tried to kiss me a few times but I kept it ducking. He asked don't I kiss and I told him that I don't which really wasn't true. He went on So you're one of the guys who waits a few dates to even kiss? Yep, I'm one of those. That was a bold faced lie since I LOVE kissing. I just didn't wanna kiss him period. He also asked me what I thought about how he looked. Of course, I didn't answer that either. It's not that he was ugly, but still. Heck, I would never ask somebody that in my lifetime. Hey ya think I'm good looking?? Yeah rrrright..

[Maybe it's insecurity on my end, but it feels a bit awkward hearing compliments over and over when I'm with someone in person. A guy I previously met did the same, and I got worried at one point since I misheard him call me abnormal, but actually said adorable. Oh, I oughta to write about this separately. I've met up with a bunch of guys but yet, only once did I see one of them on a separate occassion and that was just to retrieve my skull cap and gloves 15 months later. Will explain more later.]

Just went back home and forgot to turn my ringer on so missed it when my dad called. Was wondering what he was calling for, but then saw that he left a voicemail. It was the Monday football play offs.

Hey just thought about you man, decided to call you see what's going on. Nothing major, just calling to holla at you. You've been on my mind for the last two hours.... Okay man, talk to you later. Bye.

And that was it. Know what I did? I sat down and cried, replaying the message again and again. That was the first time he left that kind of message and I was glad I missed that call. It was a big deal to actually hear him say outloud that he thinks of me. Usually, we 'assume' that our loved ones know that we love them and think about them? Sometimes though, it makes a huge difference actually hearing those words. As some of you know, I grew up with him not being around, and always questioned his love for me. He was never there to back that claim up, but it still felt good listening hearing him say it. Oh dear, I'm trying to keep this upbeat but I'm getting teary just thinking about it.

Anyways, I called him back eventually, well two days later and nonchalantly said that I'm sorry (but I'm not) that I missed his call. Then he said how it was nothing, he mentioned how he often thinks about me but never follows through as to even make a phone call, but that evening he just felt the need to call. We spoke for a little bit, him joking that he was wondering how his baby was. I was grinning ear to ear during the conversation. He actually has a back injury and it's been a while since he felt well enough to do the things that he used to do. Exercising, lifting weights, doing things around the house. He mentioned this and it saddened me a little, seeing that he's become a bit vulnerable because of it. I told him that he'll be okay, and will get better eventually.

The 13th ended up spending the night at somebody's house. Had to get back to the house since I had a phone interview at noon.

Come 12 pm, I did a phone interview with a company for this Desktop Support Engineer in the DC area. A recruiter contacted me late August and it took me a week to respond back, the 5th of Sept. We spoke on the phone later on that week, and the company he submitted my information contacted me that Friday. I missed the call and listened to their voicemail telling me to call them back to set up a phone interview. I got too excited and instead of pressing 9 to save it, pressed 7 instead which deleted it, and that was with me not even having written the number down. I just contacted the recruiter that Monday and told him what happened. He was really nice about it though that really didn't help with me feeling like an idiot over what happened. I did alright on the phone interview, I stumbled with some of the questions but I did okay for a first timer, I think. Though midway through, I lost signal and the interview got cut off. That's not good. They had to call me back to continue. The interview lasted about 25 mins and they told me they'll give me a call back after they've made a decision for another phone interview, this time with the IT director. It's been close to two weeks and I haven't heard back but it's alright. I didn't get to send a thank you note either since I didn't catch the names of the three people that interviewed me.

18th - I got into a conversation with a fellow blogger who enlightened me on some things. So trying to make amends, I texted one of the guys I met and asked him if he'd want to hang out. I met him back in August a few days before the mom incident which kinda caused me to pull away from the world. I told him that I would call that Friday but after that e-mail from my mom, I didn't even have the energy to stay jovial in a conversation. I know I told him that I would call, and I really considered it since I said that I'd call, but doing that, I would not have honored what I was feeling so I put me first. And anyways, he could have just called if he wanted to. He texted the next saturday how i neva called. We texted a few more times but he said this one thing and I stopped responding. Few days later, he texted Haven't heard from you in a while, guess you didn't like me. I get irritated when guys get insecure like that (this coming from an insecure king), so just deleted his message, and never contacted again until tonight, thanks to Kai.