In the morning....

I got an e-mail back from the manager I interviewed for about the Help Desk position last week. They've been a bit busy and haven't had a chance to speak with the actual organization I'm going to be working for. I feel good about this though at the same time, I'm second guessing myself as to whether this is something I'd want to do. Of course, with taking this position, I'm gonnabe relocating in the DC area and would have to remain in the east coast. At one point, I was really gung ho about this idea, since living in DC, I could just catch a train that'll take me to New York, a city that I've come to love.

This past week though, I've been catching up with some old friends and has kinda been reassessing as far as to where I would move. First was Ja- that I went to high school with when I was still in the Philippines. She's been living in Hawaii for a few years, and is happily married to a Navy guy. It was really nice to catch up with her again though it's only been months since I spoke to her. She's pregnant and will be giving birth to a baby girl in early 2007. We talked about different things, what's been going on in our lives, me with my pending separation from the mil. Somehow I ended up speaking with her husband since he had some computer problems he's trying to fix. We spoke for a little bit, and it came up that they're actually gonnabe relocating soon to San Diego, California. He's a bit worried, with the baby on the way, and the stress of moving, he's gonna have to head out to sea come January. I was quite shocked when he mentioned that we can all rent a house together and become housemates.

I'm quite flattered that he would offer something like that, considering we've never even met. It appears Ja- has told him about me through the years, and she even mentioned that he knows I'm a homo.... a homosapien that is. I got a bit nervous when she said this, but she said he really has no problem with it. I guess it's good that he would trust me completely to look after his family while he's away. That's one option I've kinda considered but hmm, would really have to give this some thought.

These past few weeks, I've also been talking to another friend C- about me moving to Washington. I knew him during my 3-year tour in Japan, though we became really, really good friends during my last year over there. I'll admit I kinda held back when I just started living there, since I tried not to get attached to people knowing that they're gonna have to leave sooner or later. He's a cool guy though. He actually took me out the first weekend I started work, and showed me around Tachikawa which is a city nearby Yokota AB. That was my first taste of gyudon (beef bowl) which I've come to love during my stay there.

C- just came back to after spending four years in Japan. We've joked about being roommates a few times, and I've been considering it more and more as I'm nearing my separation date. I got really close to even changing my pay statement and have it reflect WA as my home state. However, after reading up on the topic, it would not have done me any good yet since I would have to have been living there for a year before I can get considered for in-state tuition rates as far as going to school which he and I are planning to do. I also spoke just today with our other friend Jo- which just separated from the mil as well, and will be moving to Cali from Jersey where he was stationed this past 18 months. It was good speaking with him again, considering he doesn't like talking on the phone. I'm glad he picked up instead of letting it go to voicemail which he usually does. He's another one C- is considering rooming with though we'll have to see since he's gonna head out to Cali for a bit.

I was a bit surprised that I was pretty honest with him on the phone earlier. I told him how I missed the old crew, and how it's been a bit rough trying to make friends with our stateside assignments. Maybe I just haven't tried hard enough these past nine months I've been in Virginia, but I've barely made friends here. I've some people though it kinda fizzled after a little while. With one, the friendship appeared to have stopped right after we got to attend a PostSecret/Found event in Alexandria which was what brought us together in the first place. Guess that was the embodiment of when they say that people show up in your life for a reason, or when someone has served their purpose.

Getting back to Jo-, he said that he felt the same way as well. He's not definite yet as to whether he'll move up to Washington just yet, but he's considering it. It was actually his and C-'s idea about this whole living together things, and I just chuckle when they'd mention it to me and thinking Ha! Like I'd want to see you guys again after we get out of the military. Yet now, I definitely do and get excited over it. I mentioned to Jo- that I was actually just gonna go back to Florida and finish my school there. But he said no! Florida's too far. He said you'd have to be in the West Coast, or you can even move to Colorado. I said do i know anybody there? He said it doesn't matter, Colorado's close enough but not Florida. Heck, you could even move to Cali. He went on how I'd fit in no problem moving down to California since I dress well, and cares about how I look. He reiterated the fact that I'm into fashion, while he on the other hand, just puts on a t-shirt and pants and be all set.

Well, I was buying Men's Health and GQ magazine here and there when we were all in Yokota and somehow he got this thought that I'm sooo up to date with the latest fashion trends (really not true). I got embarrassed one time when he told some acquaintances that I'm all about fashion, and has all these magazines, and I pretty much smiled and told him to shut up. There's a reason to this though which I'll delve more into later on, but it was because of a guy that I fell for (dare I say one that broke my heart and didn't know it) But yea, I'm not really too concerned as far as looks go. I don't have a chiseled chest, a washboard abs even. It'll be nice for it to be flat, but it'll take a bit of work. That I have yet to figure out. I've been trying but it won't go away haha, guess I'll have to keep at it for a while before I see a change. I'm an instant gratification kinda person, and wants to see the effects immediately and not have to wait a few weeks for my abs to show, for instance.

As far as Florida goes, I'm still considering moving there. However, it wouldn't be to where my family lives. If I do move, it'll be in Orlando which is about six hours away at least Pensacola. There's really nothing for me in the area since I didn't have a life during the two years I stayed there. Well, I went to finish high school but that's about it. Really didn't make any friends since everybody's in their own little groups already. Oh and I was shy too. Orlando is another option of mine, though what will end up happening is that I'm gonna drive down there from here and more than likely, stay in a cheap ho... excuse me.. economical hotel while I try to find a place to live. I would e-mail some people before I arrived and would check them out one by one and go from there. I don't know anybody in the area, well except one guy (introduced to each other through a mutual net friend) I've been talking to since June after coming back from the Philippines. I've sometimes toyed about the idea of moving some place far away where nobody knew me, and just start over. No history for people to be judged, just that moment I plant roots in that city/town, and writing a new chapter in my life. I haven't had those feelings lately, but with that idea, it's mostly the family that would push me into it. They drive me nuts sometimes, as much as I love them. Though as we're nearing the completion of what I set out to do for them, I can finally take a seat back and start thinking more of me.

I'll be going to school full time if I do go back to Florida. As to what field, I do not know yet. Was considering just sticking with computers but it doesn't look like it's really what I'd want to get into too much. C- mentioned that he figured I'll get into the medical field, which I think I might have talked to him about. My mom told me how I used to go on and on about becoming a doctor when I was young since I felt bad for the kids that I saw at the hospital since some of the doctors tended to me first instead of the other kids. She said this was due to me speaking only English when I was a kid. I don't recall telling her that, but like she said, I don't remember a lot of things we talked about haha. Only way for me to find out though is by doing it so guess I'll see once I start taking some courses in the medical science. I'd probably minor in Psychology and major in I don't know yet. That's why I'm having second thoughts about just jumping into technical job after I get out. Going to school will be the time that I can figure out what I want, or get an idea of it at least since who really knows what they want?

When I think about it though, it mostly comes down to being able to do something good for others. I kinda get that right now with what I'm doing. It's mostly the reason why I've stuck with Helpdesk positions since it brings me that good feeling, being able to help out the customers any way I can. Of course, I get those days where I just wanna strangle the customer or just don't want to deal with another call. It's been good. I think I'd want to do something where I can deal with people on a more personal level. I don't get it too much with my present position, but has found a way to make it work. That's what happens sometimes though, we get put in circumstances where we have to make do with what we have. Just gotta find a way for that something to give you joy, no matter what it takes. I would say happiness but that's fleeting so joy it is, since one would want something that is long lasting.

It is difficult to be happy when everyone around you is sad. This is why we need joy. It can be quite challenging to remain happy when you face the unknown, unexpected, unplanned events of life. This is why we must develop a sense of inner joy. When the job disappears, the marriage goes sour, the children act up, the car breaks down, all in one day--a day when there is fifteen inches of snow on the ground, and your best friend is out of town--you will have to reach real far to find something to be happy about. If, on the other hand, all of this is going on and you have joy in your heart, you will remember the words of the spiritual, "It will be all over in the morning!" Even if the morning is days, weeks, months, or years in coming, joy can sustain you as long as it takes. When you get right down to it, happiness is a sense of feeling full in response to the circumstances and events of life. Joy is a state of being fulfilled simply because you are alive. - One day my soul just opened up, by Iyanla Vanzant

And so I wish you joy!