I dunno what to do

Ten hours out of the shift and I pretty much is running out of things to do. I'm working back at the helpdesk though am not sure if working nights is really a good idea. I pretty much sit here and not do a whole lot since we barely get phone calls during the shift. It drags from time to time, like tonight and I really don't know what to do. I'm getting bored of reading stuff, as much as I enjoy reading, I just have no idea what to surf about.

Pretty much emailing back and forth with my friend through out the night so that made the shift a bit more fun. He left 10 months ago and we pretty much just been doing that this whole time, I dunno coz it must be real hard for him being all the way there and his fiancee here in Japan. Or perhaps, I just like the feeling that I'm needed. Nah, it works both ways. He enjoys "talking" back and forth as much as I do, and he's pretty much the only one I can talk to about things that bother me, especially with the family. It's usually the family that you turn to for any problems that you have, but if it's them that you are having troubles dealing with, who do you turn to really?

So that, we kinda got to talking about what I'm gonna be when I'm on leave (or vacation) I was considering going to London now, even for just about 2 weeks over the holidays. The ticket cost is pretty much cheap anywho, for about $600, I can fly to the UK from Colorado, and that is for a round trip ticket. At first, I was gonna do a hop in a few states but then again, why rush considering I'm moving to Virginia this January. Saw this one girl's blog and I got all excited since she was doing a road trip all over the states. I've always wanted to try that but with some things beyond my control back then, age, money, amongst others, I didn't get to do so. And now, i'm close to getting to do those things and yet it feels so far away.

I got to talking to my coworker about living in Japan and everything. We sorta focused on the loneliness that is hard to avoid when you're amongst the locals. How you go off base and out to the city to help brush off the loneliness that one feels from time to time. And yet, it just worsens since you just feel so out of place with all these people surrounding you, and yet not even one you can talk to or relate to. It's probably not the case but with the difference in appearance and the language barrier, it just makes it even harder. With me living off base, I've been getting that feeling more often since I really can't just step out down the hall and knock on a friend's door. Most people I've spoken would give their front teeth just to get to move to an apartment, and yet there I was thinking "it's not really that great." Maybe it's just me....

It feels like I just want the next five weeks to breeze by and finally get out of this place. Yet at the same time, as my departure would near, everything here will just seem too precious. From going to the "bento" to get a meal to have, to the convenience store to pay the bills. I could go on and on, but isn't that the case though? Things only seem precious when they are close to an end, whether it be a time spent with someone, moving to a different place, or getting a different job.

Isn't it crazy how people resurface back into your life? People you haven't spoken with for almost a year, and ooopsiee, there they are like nothing even happened. It's like WTF? and yet you really don't question them, as much as you'd want. You just go on talking like there wasn't even that gap in between. Happened with two people this past two days. I'm real glad though :D I've had more and more online friends than I ever did and I'm thankful for that. Well not always lol. I get jaded on some days and think what's the point of even having online friends. These are people you wouldn't even meet in a lifetime and yet you waste all these time on them. Yet, my heart always knows better. It makes me remember that behind that piece of metal are actual human beings just like me, who are "wasting their time" as much as I was. Ahh, the little prince story comes into play. Per the fox's words though it would have to be adjusted a little "It is the time you have wasted for your rose that makes your rose so important."

Looking back

Whoooo, this week sure flew by. Could have updated earlier but I guess laziness kicked in. Either that, or sorta lack of inactivity. I'm doing this Friday night 1/4 into the shift.

I was off up until Sunday night last week and really didn't go anywhere to do stuff. I wanted to but it was taking forever to decide where to go so ended up just staying in both days. Helped out a little for the set up for the Asian bazaar (an even where there's a hangar full of stuff you can buy; furnitures, decors, swords, even some traditional Japanese outfit). I ended up just working for an hour since it got me tired hauling the trash out back and forth for like 20 times. I was gonna help out Saturday but decided against it since it was my day off.

Hmm, Saturday I went by the bazaar and ended up picking up some things. I sure did came back for this one lamp that I eyed when I was helping out Friday and somehow was debating whether to buy it or not, but still bought it though. Seems like I have a thing for lamps lol. I dunno, as much as I don't like bulbs, I don't mind them too much on lamps. I just love that cozy atmosphere it gives out whether it be in the bedroom or the living room. Maybe I can take a pic of it later on. I also got some mink blankets for me and my mom. Well i liked the one that's got the wolves in it in the forest and for her, pretty much a tiger that takes up the whole thing. She asked me if I can get her one a while ago and I was like NO! Hehe, I'm sure she'd be happy when she gets it on the mail. Will try to have it out before I leave Japan, so it'll be a bit cheaper instead of sending it from the states. Also got a stepkansu (the pic) to give to the family probably. Unless I take interest after seeing it out on display lol. It is nice though, so if I changed my mind I can just keep it to meself ha!

Hmm tried staying up late Saturday night so I can sleep in during Sunday, and get ready for night shift. It dragged on the first night since we're doing 12-hr shifts at the moment in what is called a Panama schedule. Pretty much, it goes: 2 on - 2 off - 3 on - 3 off. I've thought your days off changes every week but apparently you get every other weekend off which isn't bad. It was a bit long but it was nice. We don't get too many phone calls but just being out here again is a joy in itself.

So worked two more days during which I've made converts out of my coworkers once again. And nooo, it's not to Islam or anything like that! I got them to watch Arrested Development and they both liked it so mission accomplished. I oughta get paid for that or something. Neh, it's good enough I've made them into a fan of the show. Is that just normal or what? If I like something, I sorta push it on other people, but in a good way. I dunno, a way of sharing I guess. Eventhough I've seen the episodes of a show over and over, for example, I'd watch it all over again if I'm with someone who's never seen it, much less heard of it. So that's all set, we knocked out a whole season in 36 hrs working time :D

Oh yeah, I had a customer who I should keep a note of. He was trying to check his email from home, and is havening some trouble trying to get in. He was getting an error that I've never seen or heard of either lol so I did research up on it and didn't find anything sadly. It seems that it was only his end though since I can get to it just fine from work. We got to talking for a bit, so that's cool. At one time, I ended up talking with a customer for a good hour. It's nice though, since they give you advice on different things. With some, they've even mentioned their goals, and dreams those kind of stuff. And I love just that, getting an insight into somebody else's life, even in a small way. We didn't get to fix his problem, but that conversation made my night. He even emailed personally just to say thanks. The type of customer that you wouldn't mind bending over backwards.

Wednesday, can't remember what I did. :(

Thursday, I finally got my fly out date. YIPPPEEEE! I was a bit confused with what route to take lol, since I was intending to make stops in different places. But it's all set now. It feels so much better knowing a date instead of being in a limbo as to when I'm gonna be leaving. I fly out to Seattle from Japan, and then from there fly to Colorado on a flight which I have yet to get. It's weird since I fly to CO, back to WA, then fly out to VA on my departure date. Reason being is my friend is gonna try to go on leave and go home to WA so yeah, that's pretty much why I'm doing this weird itinerary. That way, I can stay in Seattle for a few days at least. Though I have no idea what to expect considering I've never been there.
I was up til about 6, and I really wish I had somebody to hang out on times like this. I just about run out of things to do, watch DVD, chat (which is getting old), or surf the net. Times that I miss living with someone from time to time. Yeah they say solitude is good yada, yada, but there's just some times where it gets a bit too much. Then when I do indeed live with someone, think Gah, i wanna be alone again. so dunno? Whatcha think? Always wanting something you haven't got.

I just wanna be close, really close to someone who will leave me alone

Week's certainly over, and it felt like it dragged despite of me working for just three days. Sorta been a crazy week coz of some issues we're trying to handle at work. With me working with computers, I'm assigned to a shop that pushes out patches, and updates to the network due to vulnerabilities and bugs that Microsoft usually has. It's funny sometimes to think that this time last year, I was in a yet familiar territory and dealing with close to the same emotions. I got moved to my current shop around this time last year, and hated, well scratch that (hate is such a strong word lol, according to an old friend), disliked working there from the beginning. It was enticing at first really, but the excitement wore off immediately. It got so bad that I felt I had no way out that I tried getting out of my extension (it's where I'd have to do an extra year here in Japan instead of the usual two year tour) which as you can tell, didn't happen. I tried to make the best of this shop, but it is just hard. You come in, check the status of how many computers got patched. If not, import the noncompliant's list to a spreadsheet and remote to each computer one by one and patch them manually. *What we use is called Systems Management Server which is a software that's used to push out software upgrades, and patches to other computers, amongst other things. It'll also let you troubleshoot other people's problems from your end, when they could be miles away from your location. SMS will actually let you take over the computer and control the mouse and the keyboard. Well with one update, there were still around 1800 machines that needed it and considerin it was due (tomorrow), it was a bit upsetting. Having to call the WGM's up and checking with them how they're doing with patching. Heh, all these acronyms you'd end up learning in the mil.

All this pretty much comes down to is I'm leaving the shop and going back to the Helpdesk (renamed to Communications Focal Point - CFP, then to Missions Operations Center - MOC) They were gonna call it Communications Operations Center but acronyms wouldn't sound too good with that, when answering the phone. I go back to it this Sunday, and that really made me glad. Dunno, I was at peace once again, knowing I'm gonna be doing something I enjoy doing. Everybody else doesn't like working there really, as people have voiced out. I'm probably one of the few, umm more like THE only one who likes working there. True, it's got its moments, but it was something that I looked forward coming to everyday. Glad that I get to work, and not Gah, I got to work again. I'm trying to put this saying into play, "Choose a job you love and you will never have to work a day in your life" Though only about 6 more weeks for me.

Was off today but it sorta felt like a workday. Got up at 1000, and talked to my mom for at least two hours. Our conversations tend to last that long, ended up talking about the same things as before, which always has the comedy, and the drama midway through. So did that, and got ready to do some volunteering for setting up for a bazaar the next two days. Ended up staying for an hour since it was pretty much hauling things out to the dumpster back and forth, which feels like an eternity for someone who loves manual labor....not

It was lovely outside, the sun was up and shining. The breeze was just perfect to stroll around the streets, soaking it all in. I sometimes wish I had my loved ones with me, just to share these moments with them. That's not the case though, but that doesn't stop me from looking up and hoping they see the same sun I am. Do you see it?

So hot it hurts...

Nothing much went on today really. Got up and ended up being on the computer for a few hours trying to get iTunes updated. It would add some of my music but not the rest. And despite of me adding them manually, nope, won't add to no avail.

Left today with Caleb around 1630 to go to Shibuya since he wanted a cover to protect his nano from scratch. I was gonna go do the same, buy a newer case for mine since with the current one that I have, I'd have to keep pulling the iPod in and out to try to get to any buttons. But couldn't make up my mind as to what style or color so left empty-handed. Just went to McDonald's to eat afterwards. Figured I'd try something different so opted for Bacon Lettuce Cheeseburger. This is one of those that I haven't seen anywhere else but Japan. It was alright but really didn't get me too full. Well while we were eating, there's this one kid who came in that just shocked us completely. He was really, really tanned, with pink hair along with a cowboy hat dressed in a surfer's outfit. Wowww, was all we could mutter. I think he actually saw us looking through our reflection since moments later, it was his friend this time who just got stood up and started doing some dance moves.

After dinner, we went to the arcade for a little while and played the taiko drum. It only did two songs for us, but it was still fun. Went to Zara to check out the clothes they have but really didn't stay long. I dunno, it just feels weird looking around for outfits when I'm with my friends. They pretty much just stand in one spot and nothing else so really can't take my time to try fitting into some. Zara brand was pretty nice though some of what they have is a bit too expensive. A leather jacket that was like $700! Christ, that's about how much money I make in two weeks and it sure isn't gonna be used to buy one jacket.

Off we went to the Hachiko exit and hang around the station. We really didn't get to talk to anyone today since we both were a bit tired. Just pretty much watching people, and some of the street shows they had, a singing duo in one side and a break-dancing group about 20-ft away. They both ended up being stopped since there was some sort of emergency in one of the lines, and firemen, and an ambulance were called in to respond to a call.


However, what brought amusement to the evening was something written on a guy's shirt. Well, Japan is one among other countries known for engrish and the writings on the shirt just has to bring a smile on your face. But then again, it's the same for shirts that has chinese or japanese writings. People who usually wear them has no idea what is says. Like earlier, there was a poem written in some guy's shirt that started with "It's a good day to die today" and it went on about how the sun is up shining, the trees are green and the flowers abloom. It probably has a meaning when given some thought but it sure is a bit shocking to see those lines on a first glance. Well, back to this one guy that I saw later on the night.His shirt just really made me laugh.I got to take a pic but my friend has it since it's his camera that I used. My friend has sent the picture in. The guy stuck around the train station and I got to take his picture while he was on the phone. I acted like I was taking a picture of the scenery but really was looking at him. One of those moments that I just had to capture, luckily with a camera this time. A picture that'll bring a smile on my face and make me think of how much I enjoyed Shibuya.

It was just a dream...I thought when I got woken up at 0430 this morning. I didn't even hear the phone ringing yet I got up and sure enough there was a message saying we'd need to come in to work. For this phone calls, they pretty much want us to get dressed and go to work which I did, after brushing my teeth at least and doing my hair at least. So off to work I went, though ended up taking a long drive since the gate I normally drive in didn't open until 5 am. Got in to work, signed in and just went back to my shop. Found out eventually that the commander (boss) just wanted to see how fast we'd respond after getting recalled in like that. Is fine with me, though I hope he just wasn't bored enough to come in to work at 4 am and get a kick out of doing that. Probably not, but just getting my hate on.

Really didn't do much at work. I was sorta by myself in our shop since the other two coworkers were teaching a class about what we do and the software tool that we use to get the job done. I remember how excited I was when I just heard about SMS. It's a software that can be used to remote control into somebody else's machine where you can pretty much take over their computer since you can see their view from your side. We use it mostly to help troubleshoot customer's problem. It fascinates some, though the excitement wears off after having had to do it for almost three years now. My bud eventually came back though so that was cool, I had somebody to chitchat with once again. I've hung out with him more and more, and been having a great time on the weekends, just walkin around the city and striking up conversations with people. He got his iPod, well not just any model, but the latest Nano and he was real psyched about it. Nano seems real nice, well it is nice but I settled for the older bigger model instead, when I bought mine few weeks ago. It was that Apple store visit that prompted him to get a Nano since who can really resist to gadgets the Mac people makes. I caved in after resisting buying one for the last year. It wasn't until I got on the train for Kyoto and travelled for 4 hrs without anything to listen to but my thoughts. Time to reflect about things I thought, but that gets boring from time to time. I needed something to enjoy playing with on long travels like this. Sing along to a song, grooving to the music, or being transported back to certain times in my life when some of them were quite known.

So that, after the post office we ended up just going to Burger King for lunch since despite of loving Japanese food as much as we do, we run out of ideas as to what and where to eat. It was good though, I got to try a Sundae pie for the first time. I dunno why, but I just haven't bothered much with whatever desserts this places I eat at has. I'm happy to just go back home and have my dose of cookies and cream. We stuck around BK for a little while, and headed down to the dorms so he can play around with his new gadget. I was tired though so ended up passing out on his floor for a good 20 mins or so since I went to bed around 1230 am and got woken up four hours later. He mentioned I just laid there on the carpet snoring the time away (and all these time I thought I didn't :sigh:) Does anybody else get that? I've always thought I never snored but then again, how would I really know considering I live alone.

We end up going back to work around 1 pm and nothin much went on. We were supposed to go to a briefing with the commander but it got cancelled so I dunno, wasn't too glad about that. I just wanted it to be out of the way but now, it'll have to be done tomorrow morning. I do get nervous after all when it's the superiors that I'd have to give briefings too. Well, higher ranking, though not exactly superior.

We got released at 2 though so glad about that but I ended up calling in to my other job since I was too tired to go. Got home and end up getting on the computer and talking to my cousin for a while which was nice. It's comforting to know that she's always there though I tend not to email her for a few days or so, just so she'd miss me which actually works. I know lame but I do that from time to time, to get the feeling that yeah, I love you enough to realize that we haven't spoken in a few days. I guess living alone does that to people at times. You really wouldn't get any validation in person, so you tend to hold onto the emails, phone conversations, chats with friends to actually feel loved. Right now, those are the big little things I'm holding unto to keep me going.

Fell asleep after that and didn't wake up til about 2020 in which it was too late to catch a movie with my friend. He called before 1900 but I was asleep and didn't call him back til I woke up. Well he lives like less than 10 mins away but the comfort of being in your room is just too good to not go anyplace else. He's messing with his Nano too though, so that's understandable :-) so will let that one slide.

Got to talk to a dear friend of mine for about seven years now so that made my day too. She's in Hawaii and so much has happened in our lives but it's always nice to catch up on things, talk about what's going on, the chances of seeing each other again, and reminiscing of things come to pass. She got me on the reminiscing part though, she kept on and on about the 'spice girls days' Gah, I cringe when I think back to those days in high school we just had to laugh about them now. But what can i say, i loved those girls. They're pretty much what opened me up to listenin to music.

It's almost 1 am now so going to bed now. Got a mention on somebody's blog..eheh, makes me feel like a real deal blogger. Aw heck, thanks Matt! *grins

Have few hours off this morning so figured it'll be a good time to post about what (little) happened yesterday. Pretty much got up, went to work and home. It was nice getting an email from a new friend. Funny how I've told myself I'm gonna stop chatting and yet there I was, trying to make friends with new ones. The email pretty much made my day since I can see the effort that this kid actually sat down and took time in writing me, not those 2-3 sentences that people tend to do these days. I was able to stay happy the rest of the day, considering how hard that is to do with the current job that I have. At times, I'm hoping that it won't be like these for any other jobs I decided to take. I would have quit by now if I was a civilian. But being in the military, sadly we can't just do that. Suck it up as the other people say. Then again, why would you stay somewhere where you feel miserable, try as you might to make the best of it. Life probably isn't always about getting the best of everything, yet you can try at least to get close to it. I wish I can say I'm having the time of my life in the current situation I'm in, but it feels more like i'm doing time. Nothing much went on the rest of the day. Got home, changed clothes and headed out to the plaque shop. There really wasn't much jobs for me to do, so ended up making pins for the halloween. It was nice getting to actually how things are made, I've never given much thought about how those were created until last night. I got to make about 30/40 pins which really isn't bad, doesn't require any thought at all!

After I got off work, I stopped by the cafe and grabbed a sandwich and a chocolate pie for my friend. Got him hooked to Arrested Development and the new episode definitely had us laughing. I liked it better than the part 1. So hang around for a little bit and just went back to the apartment. Got a phone call from my mom though I didn't call her back until three hours later after Edmund called. Just wanted to thank me for sending his digicam and all. He was asking about my visit in Europe to go see him, etc etc which isn't gonna happen. I really can't admit flat out that "Ey, i'm cutting contacts with you. Good luck in everything!" Maybe i can write down the reasons. And then figured I'd call my mom up though I really didn't feel like talking. She sensed it too, and was asking if I was doing alright, or depressed or lonely. And I said not really, I'm fine. She went on how I'm not my usual upbeat self when I talk to her, and just because I don't sound that doesn't mean I'm lonely or depressed. I'm trying to keep myself from sinking down, and it can be hard sometimes, feels like staying happy can be a struggle these days.



I feel real awful at the time that I'm typing this, Wednesday morning at work. I was close to break down crying when the Sgt shook my chair, that I got up and took my water bottle with me, act like I'm gonna get some water, but just went to the restroom and cried a little.

Week was finally over and it's been good. Got to see Everclear, new episode of AD, amongst others. It's Monday though it felt like a Sunday since i was sorta off today. I had to come in to work at 9 last night for some generator load, and didn't leave til about 6/7 hrs later.

Weekend was fun. I hang out with my friend Caleb down at Tokyo. Had to "work" Friday night and got off at around 1930, after which we went to the cafe to grab a bite. Mine being the Smoked salmon as always (don't remember exactly who got me started with it but i sure do love them sandwiches) After dinner, went home to get ready and stepped out to catch the train around 9.
Caleb sure love his brand new digi-cam (i helped pick) which was really just perfect. It's so tiny it doesn't even feel like you have a camera in your pocket. He was snapping away at the train during our trip. It was these two girls that got on who kinda started it. They were wearing cut-off's and I made a comment about never-nudes getting on the train (which is an affliction, there's dozens of them!) Some girls sure try to be different as much as they can, well even boys. You'd see some who's just wayyy tanned beyond reason, it's not even tan at times, it's more like black, along with their dragon ball-z, blonde/platinum hair.

So got to Shibuya, and walked around for a little bit trying to find a place to go after which we settled at a japanese-owned English pub. It wasn't bad, i had a lagger or something. So sat down, talked for a bit. Was going through my phone book, and there was this one phone number that I didn't recognize. So dialled it and some guy picked up after which I just hang up. Smart move, considering this technology known as caller id. Few minutes later, phone was ringing which of course we didn't pick up. The pub got a bit too warm for us, considering we were wearing sweaters so we just left and stopped by a store to grab some chu-hi to get a buzz going.

While at the store, I got a bit hungry so was debating what to eat and saw a picture of a gyudon sandwich style(which is like a rice beef sandwich). You have the beef, sandwiched by two round "slices" of rice. Gyudon is a well-known dish in Japan. The restaurants who serve 'em, Matsuya, Yoshinoya, are sorta fast-foods since people usually just go there during lunch breaks, getting off from work, or munchies after a night out. We just hang around right outside the konbini while we were drinking, and 'avin a snack.

After that, we just walked around for a bit more and sat by the train station. It was pretty much my friend that was chatting up with people that night, since I really didn't feel like it. There really weren't that many people to talk to that night, most of them have been drunk right after getting off from work. It was actually fun to just be there and chill in the city, just watching all the people crossing the main intersection which is known as the busiest in the world. Saw someone cute but pretty much just smiled and didn't say a single word (typical me)

this'll be my permanent blog