Close to Heaven Pt I

It's been a little over a month since I left and came back from the Philippines. As some of you were aware, it was due to a recent death in the family, my Tatay (grandpa) to be exact. During my brief stay in LA at Robert's, I was able to secure a flight that will let me catch the same flight as my cousin's. We left the US on Tuesday 6 Jun and off we flew to Manila. We ended up losing two days, arriving there on a Thursday morning, eventhough the flight was just around 15 hrs. Got to the airport alright, though we didn't get out of the terminal for another hour waiting for our luggage to arrive.

It was my mom, my stepdad and one of my aunts that came out to pick us up. It was nice getting to see them again though I thought they looked differentl the last time I saw them. Well, they thought the same too, since they commented how 'skinny' I was which was kind of funny. [Months earlier, they saw my pictures and mentioned how I probably should be should be going to the gym since I've gotten kinda fat] I swear I'll develop a disorder if I listen to them! It was the usual, hugs and kisses, nice to see you again stuff, though they commented on the T-shirt that I had on. It was a red one, and they say it's not a good idea to be wearing one since it's not exactly a joyous occassion that I came back home for. I'm not even sure what the colors stood for, but I just put on a white one after getting on the van that'll take us back to Laguna which is about an hour outside Manila, the capital. It kinda felt odd being there, especially for the reason we came home for. This was the first time that something like this has hit home, so it's a bit of a shock really.

We finally got to the house and a couple of the family is up already eventhough it was only 7 am. Hugged one of them one by one, kisses, and let some of them, mostly my aunts, cry on my shoulder. I really didn't think I'd be crying but it's completely different after actually being put into that position. [Oh one thing, the wake was actually being held at the house in the time being. My grandpa's remains has been there for about a week, and would be moved to a funeral home later on that same day] A couple of them are awake to keep the remains company, so to speak. I looked at my grandpa and I was just thinking that wow, he's really gone. The usual went on, having a little breakfast, and waiting on the rest of the household to get up, and just talking to the family. We were really happy at the same time, just laughing and joking, making fun of each other, the usual things a family does. Some of us haven't seen each other in seven to eight years even so it definitely was a good thing. Picture taking, with some sleeping, since they've been awake all night. The rest got up the next hour or so, so played around with the young cousins, walked around the neighborhood a little bit. Sort of an odd thing, during this time, a butterfly landed on my sleeves and stayed there for close to an hour. Tried shaking my arms but to no avail, it just stayed put. Filipinos have this belief that a brown butterfly during a wake is actually the spirit of the deceased and so, the family told me to just leave it alone and let it fly off on its own.

In between all this, Sonny the oldest cousin, hasn't been feeling well and been running back and forth to the bathroom. He then went back to the living room, laid down on the couch, and just started shaking so some of the family laid a blanket on him, trying to keep him warm. I'm not exactly sure what was happening after just having arrived there a couple of hours ago. But there was something definitely wrong. I look at my cousin when he passed me by, and it was as if he doesn't even recognize some of us any longer. He has changed too, from the last time that I saw him. There's just been some issues going on, and they were saying how the night before, he drank two long neck liquor. I'm not exactly sure what long neck is, but I think it's this bigger bottle of alcohol that they sell for about a $1. People I've known usually drank just hard liquor, no chasers or anything, just put some ice and nothing else. They said that's what he had the previous night which obviously just worsened his condition, since he was sick already as it is. He ended up getting rushed to the hospital later on that morning.

2 pm rolled around, and that when my Tatay's remains is going to get moved to a funeral home in Makati City (where I grew up) so our old neighbors can pay their respect. It took a bit longer for us to get there since it was raining. We arrived, and ended up renting two rooms in the motel across the street, somewhere to sleep in when some of us get tired or just a place for some to take a shower in. The 'grown ups' usually stayed with my Tatay since somebody has to keep it company usually, even during the night time. It's still good however, reminiscing about the old times or they talk about just random things that they think of throughout the night. After that, some of us went to McDonald's nearby so that the kids can eat, kids being my younger cousins aged between 3-10 yrs. I'm familiar with the area so I was pretty much the navigator for the rest hehe since some of my family lives abroad, and not too familiar with the area. It was fun, the kids all playing with their new toys since Cars just came out, and McDonald's has toys that came with the Happy Meals. Took a bunch of video clips which I uploaded in youtube (for anyone who cares) Left and went back to the funeral home, hanging around with the family. Come 6 pm, Norman (Sonny's younger brother) got a phone call from his Mom. We thought it was just so my Aunt can tell us how Sonny was doing.. Thing is that wasn't the case. With tears in his eyes, he said Kuya's gone! (Kuya = older brother) Everybody got quiet, and just started crying. It was awful. My aunts, grandma, especially my Mom. She took care of Sonny when he was growing up and he's the one she was closest to. She sorta froze, and just kept repeating He's gone over and over I sat down and held onto one of my cousins, and was just thinking wow, this is really happening. It went on like this for a bit, and everybody finally calmed down. Just listened while the grown ups talked about things, the why's what if's if only's what could have been's

Sonny's sister Milani was at a friend's house during this time, and my mom and I went to go get her. We really didn't have any problem finding her since she was sitting outside when the tricycle passed us by. Mama told her 'ning just come back with us. On the way back she kept asking What happened tita? Is there something I should know? Is it bad? We were just about 10 minutes away from the funeral home. The tricycle got there, we got out, and Norman met her on the entrance and told her that their brother's gone. This was even worse than all the others combined. Her knees just buckled, and she ended up sitting on the stairs outside not crying but wailing I knew that nothing I can say would be comforting at that instant. I just hugged her though she was stomach level, muffling some of her screams at least. It was seeing her like this that did it for me. I didn't cry upon hearing my cousin's death a while ago, I was kinda annoyed I'll admit seeing how my mom reacted. This time though, that's when it finally hit me. Just listening to her cry out I don't have my brother anymore, what's gonna happen to me now? that my shoulders started shaking, then tears started falling from my eyes. He was only 30.