Even if

I'm lounging here in a long sleeve tee, and my boxer brief and socks on though I'm gonna take the socks off when I go to bed. I can't just sleep with my socks on, never has, and probably never will. I just got back from Bethesda after seeing The Good German. It was a good movie, though it was something I would not have seen by myself otherwise. This was actually my first time going to Maryland since moving here a month ago. Bethesda's about 40 mins away by car and eventhough I've been hearing good things about Bethesda, I haven't made it a point of going there yet. Until tonight. It's a nice area, and I would have stayed longer if I was in a drinking mood. I planned on going out after catching the movie, but was too tired when we stepped out that I just decided to call it a night.

It's been good here at my new place, and I finally got to talk more with the girl roommate today. Come to find out, she's actually Filipina so I thought that was neat. Looks like we'll get along okay, (even with her boyfriend who's a big Ranma fan, yay!), and it just made me glad when I had one of those moments when I thought to myself, I'm glad I'm here. We're still trying to get the apartment set-up to look like a home, instead of a crack house look it once was couple of weeks ago. Empty living room, and we pretty much just come to eat and sleep. I'm still trying to purge of excess things which I have yet to do, but will in due time.

Work's actually been good but this week's just been bleh. Am not really sure if it's because of something that happened at the beginning of it. You know, how they say if your Monday didn't turn out right, the rest of the week wouldn't either. I've made a mistake and it's something that kinda bit me in the ass. It's been fun since a few days before New Year's, I actually went out to the club, met new people, and hang out with some friends. I let something happen however, and with that, I've made and lost friends in the process, in a span of 72 hours. (I will write more about this later). Friday got the best of me, and I seriously just wanted to get drunk after leaving work. With one guy leaving, he was slacking off his last day, and I had to take care of one of the jobs assigned to him, and answer the phones. With my present job, we get calls througout the US and some callers can be trying with one's patience. I'm pretty patient though at times, people set out to just ruin someone else's day. I know they don't set out to do that, but that's what some customers do. Though some callers actually had me bust out laughing so I guess it gets all balanced out, the ying and yang if you will, or maybe it's just something I tell myself.

After getting off work, I ended up just going home first then considered going out afterwards. I got mayonnaise on my shirt and pants and I had a messenger bag on, and so I wanted to get refreshed and not have anything with me when I go out. So caught the bus home, and logged on for a bit, and few minutes after, a message from D- came in which surprised me. D-, as some of you would know, was the guy I met last winter. We've only spoken a few times after that meeting, mostly me giving him a call, but we never talked on messenger ever since. I guess I still have feelings for him, but that could never be since he lives in Europe anyways. Just caught up on some things, but it was nice to hear him say that he missed me and he keeps thinking about the time I was in London. He apologized also since we didn't get to do any sightseeing during my stay, since he said he was worrying over some things back home. I'm just glad to talk to him I suppose, and there were talks of him visiting soon. We had an agreement that he'd visit me after I visit him, and he's yet to fulfill his end of the bargain. It'll be nice to see him again, though sometimes I wonder if it would have been better to just leave things as they were, and have those three days a memory in the past. Can't say it's love really, but we do like each other, or it's just lust, as my friend (hater) said it was. Will just have to see how this goes, though won't keep my hopes up too much so I just wouldn't get disappointed if he ends up not coming. This made me glad.

It's been a new year though I have yet to write down my thoughts and wishes for this year and the year that passed. Well, I've been thinking it but just need to jot them down. My dad said it's better to see your plans in writing, instead of just thinking them. Maybe I'll reflect back on 2006 one of these days...or not. Though this year, I'm gonna try to post more than I did this past year. It's funny how I told myself that a year ago and look where it got me. But still, I'll just have to start doing it, taking some action instead of just wishing.

So much has happened this past month, been good mostly though the loneliness gets the best of me from time to time. Trying to meet new people, making friends in the process, and the effort it takes seems to be too much sometimes. With it came self-doubt, and questioning your worth. I thought I've grown more than that, yet when I thought someone was gonna bail out on me, all these self-defeating things just crept in. I thought how I'm not even worth of getting a call telling me what happened, thinking what's wrong with me that people would do such a thing? It turned out good though, got to hang out with J- and he showed me around the area a bit :) Ok, I just had a moment and was gonna write it down, but it left me. Oh, maybe it's that we owe ourselves to be happy? That we can't let others control our emotions on any given day? I forgot where I read it but it's something to the effect of how people can't really make us happy or sad, since they really don't. Nobody can make me happy but me. Well, it's true to an extent but people sure bring me some happiness. I don't think I would have made it those far without them, family, friends, even strangers, some I've only touched shoulders with, and some that became friends. It takes time, but you can always get someone to love you, even if you have to do it yourself.