Second night

This weekend was Pride weekend in DC, and as much as I wanted to take part with all the festivities, I didn't. I'm all moved in to the new place and it feels a bit off still waking up in a different environment.

This is the first move where I didn't really prepare more than I could have. Day of moving and I was still packing things around the house. I just felt 'off' about it that the few days prior, I just sat around the house and just did everything else BUT pack. It wasn't intentional but moving year after year for the past 4 years got to me for the first time.

I am actually glad I opted to hire movers instead since folks who I asked weren't gonna help, and the ones who said they would didn't show. It was frustrating I sorta just stopped communicating with them all day since I didn't see the point. Ended up having my mom call out from work just so you can be there eventhough I tried not to let her do too much. The move ended up taking about 4 hrs, and it was exhausting enough I plopped down on the couch with my mom by my feet and we'd talk occasionally, or she'd make jokes which is her usual self.

Eventually, it came up how I live really close to downtown now so they have shops and stores that I can now walk to. My mom wanted to go so told she ought to without me tagging along. It's like half a mile away and had to convince her that she's not gonna get lost, or if she does, she can call. And somehow, when she left, I just started moving things around in the room and putting things together. She ended up coming back to the apartment and not too long after that, we left since I had to go back to Alexandria and grab some things and drop her off. In the three years she's been here, she hasn't really gone out to DC and just explore. On the drive back, we were gonna try to eat at Panera but alas, they were closed so while driving through the city, told her we can check out U St. So did that, and went to Bus Boys and Poets. She enjoyed it so was glad about that.

So dropped her off and had to drive a good 17 miles to get back to my new place. People have mentioned time and time that my mom would give her life for me or that she loves me so much. I really don't think of it too much since I dunno, I have this notion that it's a given that parents are supposed to love their kids. Somehow on the drive back, it just hit me that she's actually one of the few people who will always be constant in my life that I can depend on. She tries to always be there for me, and at times, when I try not to be stubborn, and let her, she comes through wayyy more than I give her credit for. People can profess that they would do this or that for you, but you can only go by their actions.

The stars, the moon, they have all been blown out
You left me in the dark
No dawn, no day, I'm always in this twilight
In the shadow of your heart

If I remember correctly, those lines were written about someone losing her father and at times, I wonder if it'll be like that for me. I'm thinking I'll be fine if I lose my mom, or just lose it that I wouldn't know how to go on. Just made me think...