Monday, April 16, 2007

No, I don't think that song was about me Carly

I'm just on my lunch break and got about 20 more minutes before I go back. I'm halfway done thank goodness. It's been a good few days. Last Thursday, I actually went to the local community college and took the placement exam for English and Math. I did really well, eventhough I've been out of school for about five years. It's crazy to think that it's been that long since I was in school. I signed up for some courses when I was in Japan, but dropped most of them due to different things. Lack of motivation, wanting to work part-time instead, etc. Sometimes it feels like I wasted like those years of not taking any classes, but ah well, that's the past and nothing I can do about it.
 
I'm getting excited about going to school again though right now, I'm just gonna be taking Distance Learning courses since I'm going to pick up my mom in the West Coast this summer when she moves here. Gives me an excuse to go back to Cali again though I'll have her fly to SoCal since my dad is in the Bay area and I'd rather keep them apart. Not that there's bad blood between them, though I think they've pretty much stopped talking to each other for a few years now. I was pretty much their link, and with me not living with either one of them, there's really no reason for them to call each other up. I'm gonna sign up for a full load so it can give me a good feel of how it'll feel like going to school full time. It'll run for four months so it shouldn't be too hard, just need to balance all my courses. I'm signing up for Math, History, and a Computer class and this other thing they require all students to take, a developmental course. I'm gonna have to pay out-of-state rate though so will see how much the financial aid will cover. It's just insane, how much they charge if you're not a state resident. Mostly been working on school last week, well figuring out which ones to take since some I know I'd rather take in a traditional classroom. I enjoy the interaction with the teacher.. even more if they're cute.
 
I pretty much stayed in this weekend and watched a bunch of movies. I was gonna try to make it to the Cherry Blossom Parade but woke up at 10:30, and found out the parade started at 10. I just watched it on the television while I stayed in bed, bundled in my comforter. It was cold and windy, and it's hard for me to go out and about when it's like that. I'd rather stay in and do nothing. Watched The Prestige, Absolutely Fabulous, and finished the rest of Volver. It was freaking me out a bit with the "ghost" and what not, though it all made sense after seeing more of the movie. I cried watching it, though laughed at me while doing so. I find it funny sometimes how I can bawl over a movie though one time when I was younger, my cousins and my neighbor made fun when they saw me crying while watching a show. I got so angry, I went upstairs, cursing them out aloud. To think I usually didn't curse when I was younger....not that I do now.
 
I'm going out on jobs this week once again and will try my best to not let things get to me. There's this one lady that I spoke with ( I forgot her name again) and she asked me how I've been, etc. She was out of the office all last week since her grandbaby was sick, but I would not have known since I was manning the phones all last week. She commented on how her grandbaby was like me since he was a happy baby. How my "kind"  might have all the problem in the world but you won't be able to tell since we always have a smile on our face. It is true though since when I was in the mil, I can be close to breaking down yet still smiled to everybody. Not that it's bad since it got my superiors to do things in my favor when I needed their help, and all because I always had a smile on my face. I really don't think about it much, let alone my smile, but I've gotten comments about it. I had some faculty sign my yearbook and one said that my smile will stay with her forever. The lady this morning, she said that my smile was a boost for her everyday which was something my NJROTC commander wrote as well. Dunno, I didn't t know quite how to take it being told that in person. I said thanks shyly, then just smiled averting her gaze. Ah well, it just got me thinking a little. It felt good getting told that though I'm not one to give out compliments. Just never been my thing since if I do, I tend to get all emotional haha. Though I try it here and there with strangers, and I can only hope it was a boost for them in some way. It is for me sometimes, but it doesn't stick. Well, maybe to a point it does since I've come to accept myself just the way I am.
 
Well, got to get back out on the floor. I think eventhough I don't give out compliments as much, the most I can do is love someone. That amounts to something, doesn't it?  Just thinking outloud, parts of this might not make sense to anyone but me.

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