Remembering

Right before I went to lunch, I heard that the receptionist's brother just passed away. Her mother called her at work, right in the middle of the day. The reasoning behind it is beyond me, I don't know why instead of having her go home, you would tell that kind of news over the phone. I feel awful. It brought me back to summer of last year when I heard about my grandad passing away, then upon getting there, my cousin passing away that evening. I had goosebumps remembering the pain, granted I haven't thought about it too much lately but with hearing about things like this, I can't help not to.

I really wasn't impacted by my grandad's passing away. It was worse seeing my aunts', uncle's, mom's, and my grandma's reaction as they were pushing the coffin into the grave. One of my aunts even grabbed the casket, not wanting to let go, crying out that how could my grandpa leave so soon. One even passed out, and we had to pour water over her and slap her, trying to get her to regain consciousness. Seeing my family in anguish was what finally broke me down and made me cry. I was taking some pictures, but had to put the camera down since the tears clouded my vision. One guy I dated last winter saw the pictures, and he asked what made me take that shot. I didn't know either. Maybe it was to capture the pain or maybe, I took a step back and became an observer for a moment. Seeing my loved ones in pain, and wanting as much I could to take it all away, knowing that they had to go through it alone. Taking it one day at a time, then maybe...just maybe making peace over what happened.

I know I have, or I'd like to think so at least. Though I'm aware that there will be times when the emotions would take me over, when I happen to just think about it.

*I'm gonna spare you guys by not posting the picture. I'm fine and will just write more when I'm in a different place